(J.D. runs kissing drills with Rowdy)
J.D.: How's that?
Turk: You close your eyes way too early. And you always go in right; you should try going in left - the girls'll dig that.
J.D.: Okay. Fo'shizzle. What's up, girl.
Carla: Aw, there's nothing in life that dog could have done to deserve that.
Turk: What you talking about? My man's single, he's just running drills to keep his stuff sharp. That's all.
Carla: Ohhh.
J.D.: Also, it would be super fantastic if you never mention this to anyone, ever.
Turk: Are you crazy? You know she's gonna say something. We're talking about Carla, here!
Carla: So now I'm a gossip?
Turk: Yeah, you're a gossip! You gossip all the time!
Carla: Since when?
Turk: Since ever-forever!

Elliot: Tonight, I am going to make all of your fantasies come true.
Paul: You know, Elliot, I would be happy just to have sex above the covers once.
Elliot: Yeah... never gonna happen.

J.D.: You know...he's-he's the same. How are you doing?
Jamie: Actually, I was just calculating how much time I need to spend here so I don't feel guilty all week... And now I need to double it, because I can't believe I just said that.

Dr. Cox: Hey, Carla, would you be good enough to take this young gentleman back to his room in Pediatrics? Apparently as a form of social protest, he chewed on and subsequently swallowed part of a Rolling Stones CD. I'll tell you what, there, Ralphie: They sold out for good once they started doing Ford commercials, you know what I'm saying?
Ralphie: Hm?
Carla: I dunno.
Dr. Cox: We-we'll talk later.

Ralphie: I had that inside of me.
Laverne: What, now?
Carla: He's just making stuff up. Come on.
Ralphie: I swallowed that ring, and my dad had to wait for me to go Number Two. And the black doctor gave me ten bucks to keep my mouth shut.
Laverne: Mm. Good show today.

Paul: What are you eating?
Elliot: Turkey jerky. Protein, baby! Go for it.
Paul: Uh, no thanks.
Elliot: You don't like jerky?
Paul: I've never tried jerky.
Turk: You've never tried jerky?
Elliot: Well, jerky rocks.
Paul: I won't like it.
Elliot: You'll love it - have one bite.
Paul: Elliot, I've put a lot of thought into this, and I'm gonna have to pass.
Elliot: Uh! Oh, so, eight stitches, and now you don't trust me.
Paul: Elliot!
Elliot: And you wanted above-the-covers sex!

Turk: Sorry, buddy, can't swing it tonight.
J.D.: Oh, come on, player, just a few beers! And if we accidentally run into some skanky hos, then so be it!
Jamie: I'll go. I totally need to blow off some steam. Plus, the best way to meet skanky hos is to already have a girl with you.
J.D.: Not that I need any help.

Dr. Cox: Oh, my God. I gotta tell you about that day.
Jordan: I can't believe I haven't named him yet. I've been calling him Monkey Face all day - I think they would tease him at school.

Dr. Cox: Seriously, Jordan, I had this one patient-
Jordan: He's got a boodgie the size of a grape in his nose. Would you run back to the hospital and get me one of those suctiony thingies?
Dr. Cox: If I'm not back in twenty minutes, I don't want you to worry because it simply means I drove by a prostitute on the way home.
Jordan: Oh, make sure it's a girl.

Paul: Please don't do this.
Elliot: Do what?
Paul: The whole drama queen thing.
Elliot: The jerky incident is exactly what is wrong with our relationship, Paul!
Paul: Thank you.

Jamie: So, how does this whole wing-man thing work?
J.D.: Okay, essentially, you have to think of yourself as chum, okay?
Jamie: Okay.
J.D.: And your job as chum is to lure attractive women closer to the boat.
J.D.'s Narration: Mental note: "The Boat" could be a very cool new nickname.

Carla: Is this true!?
Turk: Ralphie, I paid you ten dollars!
Carla: This is disgusting!
Turk: Why is it disgusting?
Ralphie: Because it was in my butt!
Turk: Ralphie, I'm dead serious: I want you to shut up! And you shut your mouth, now!

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 481 in total

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes

Janitor: Yeah, there's been some break-ins, I had to change all the locks on these lockers. You should have gotten your new combination in the mail.
J.D.: Well, I didn't. Do you know what it is?
Janitor: Yeah.
J.D.: But you're not gonna tell me, are you.
Janitor: Can't. Janitor-locker confidentiality.

Elliot: You wanna know why things with Jamie are so 'lamey'?
J.D.: We're doing fine!
Elliot: Oh, please! She's clearing you out of her apartment!
J.D.: Wrong! She just came by because she knows today at work, I need my... squash goggles.
Elliot: Mm.
J.D.: I have to saw something later.

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