Scrubs

Scrubs Season 2 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 2 Episode 16: "My Karma"

Dr. Cox: Well, then, Jordan, why don't we just think of today as-as a test run.
J.D.'s Narration: Other times, people react exactly how you think they will.
Jordan: Honestly, Perry, the only way I could have felt more taken care of is if I were at a four-star resort, or a spa... or a third-world country where you have to boil your own sewage if you want something to drink! Oh, and by the way? A giant, giant feather in your cap for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Come on, come on, come on, Jordan. I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest-to-God, I am. But I guarantee that when you get here tomorrow, Dr. Gerson will, in fact, be in the super-deluxe birthing suite so that you can go ahead and have that story-book, drug-addled, Pitocin-induced pregnancy that you've always dreamed of ever since you were a little girl.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Donna: I think having babies is so much fun! Don't you!
Jordan: I will choke her.
Dr. Cox: Please, Dr. Brulatti, no more talking.
Dr. Donna: Oh, you know, I really prefer "Dr. Donna"!
Dr. Cox: No means no, pep-squad. Now beat it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side until that baby is delivered.
Jordan: Get the hell out of here.
Dr. Cox: What?
Jordan: I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favor and get out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: A-hey-anyway, the cave bat just kicked me out of its lair, and seeing as I no longer have my all-access pass to crazy town, I'm going to need you to occasionally go in there and poke her with a broomstick, just to see how she's doing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Paul: Elliot, wait up. Elliot.
Elliot: Hey.
Paul: I wanted to explain about last night. We had a great time, and I know that you wanted me to come in to... you know...
Elliot: Oh, no, no, no! I invited you in to see my... fish tank.
Todd: Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?
Paul: Careful, Todd.
Todd: Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: So, now... why'd you finally agree to marry Gandhi?
Carla: Well, he's amazing in bed... and he has an awesome CD collection.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared anymore?
Carla: Please! I'm still terrified! I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?
Dr. Cox: Why?
Carla: Ate 'em all.
Dr. Cox: Sounds like good roughage to me
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: What do you do when you get scared?
Dr. Cox: Run away, get a divorce, drink alone... You know, the classics.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Janitor: All right, gentlemen, either of you in the market for a van? Five hundred bucks.
Turk: The windshield cost that much.
Janitor: Oh. Eight hundred.
J.D.: No thanks.
Janitor: Come on... There's still half a deer in the back! I think that's a deer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: I can't take it, Carla! I cannot hide the crazy a minute longer! And the worst part is, Paul is this sweet, perfect guy who actually wants to take things slow with me, and I'm just this big mountain of cuckoo who's about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him, and he's gonna die like this.
Carla: Calm down, Elliot. Do what I used to do - find people who don't even know Paul, and then just let it out in little bursts.
Dr. Kelso: Good afternoon, ladies!
Elliot: You know, when I was a kid, I got a sunburn like that and just peeled all the skin off, put it in a pile, and ate it.
Dr. Kelso: Good Lord!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: I don't know that many straight guys that wear cologne.
J.D.: I'm down to one spritz.
Jordan: Hmm.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox asked me to check in on you; I'm sorry I haven't been here until now.
Jordan: He asked you to... check in on me?
J.D.: Yep. So...? How ya doin'?
Jordan: Well, I have ruined everything! All he tried to do was take care of me and show me that he loved me. But, no, I had to drive him away because I don't like being vulnerable even when I'm normal, let alone with my ankles in stirrups and my coochie on display. So, now he's gone away for good; and I would really like to get this stupid thing out of me so I can go home and kill myself!
J.D.: Well, you sound good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see if he was going to be with me because he wanted to, not because he had to. Do you know what I mean?
J.D.: What are you talking about?
Jordan: It's his baby, stupid! Don't tell anyone
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head!
Todd: Dude! It is so nice out here! You mind if I take it down to the banana hammock?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 15: "His Story"

Dr. Cox: Oh now, please don't take away the privilage of letting me pay you two hundred dollars an hour so that I can drag my ass in here and watch you nod. God knows the only other place I can get that on the planet is from my Brett Favre bobble-head doll.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: What do you say there Bob? How 'bout we do just like you do with Enid. Close our eyes, pretend we're with someone else and be done before Leno starts.
Dr. Kelso: Save the racket for the tennis court big guy. I have taken the liberty of filling out the form. All you have to do is sign below where it says "fit as a twenty-six year old."
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Perry! Hi. How are you, etcetera. The wife and I just took out a new insurance policy and I need a physical.
Dr. Cox: Bob, the day I willingly cradle your dusty old twig and berries and get a whiff of your chronic halitosis while you turn your head and cough, is the day you can look for me up on the roof singing "I Believe I Can Fly."
Dr. Kelso: Great stuff. See you about twoish.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: So, he just said he was gonna keep asking until I said yes.
Elliot: That was exactly how I lost my virginity. Except, I'm guessing Turk didn't propose in Jim Vilicetti's crawl-space.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Listen up everybody! I appreciate solidarity, but I did not blow off Paul because he's a nurse; so, please stop leaving bedpans in my locker - it makes me cry. Paul and I are just...different, okay.
Carla: Please, Elliot, this is not about Paul... This is about you! This is about you not being able to commit, because committing means saying goodbye to whatever unfulfilled fantasy of love you've concocted after seeing too many Meg Ryan movies. But men don't come and make everything all better - they're only human. And you shouldn't punish him because you were forced to grow up so fast you never learned how to let someone else take care of you. He's not your father, okay, he's not necessarily gonna disappear at the first sign of trouble. And, as scary as it is to consider letting yourself be truly vulnerable with another human being, what's even scarier is that deep down inside you know you picked this man...and if you run away from him now, you'll be running away from being the kind of person you always wanted to be.
Elliot: Carla, I...just met the guy!
 • Rating: Unrated

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