Dr. Cox: Those pants make your ass look giant.
Jordan: Stop doing this.
Dr. Cox: I'm doing it for us. You suck at Scrabble.
Jordan: Do I look mad?
Dr. Cox: You got so much Botox in your expressionless face, I can't tell.

Oh my God that board meeting went on forever! It was so dull I had to read pamphlets just to stay awake. Good news is, don't have testicular cancer.

Jordan

Elliot: God, I can't remember the last time I saw you in this suit and tie.
J.D.: How can you not remember that time we were with those-
Elliot: Oh, God! With the two guys!
J.D.: -the two guys, and their mom was trying to sing that song!
Elliot: It was so funny!
J.D.: So funny... Till they had to... put their horse down.
Elliot: Oh, yeah...
Elliot/J.D.: Poor Cinnamon.
Elliot: He could run like the wind, but his tail couldn't put out that fire.

Baby, you mean so much to me. That's why you my baby. And, yeah, there were babies before you, but I promise you, baby, you will be my baby forever, baby... Stop saying "baby"!

Turk

Dr. Kelso: You just bought yourself four weekends on call! Damn twisty bottoms!
Carla: You just said you didn't care. Why are you fighting?
Dr. Cox: I can't stop!

J.D.: What the hell you doing with that guy?
Danni: I don't know. I thought it'd be cool to date a celebrity.
J.D.: He's not a celebrity!
J.D.'s Narration: Wait a second!
J.D.: Are you the Soup Nazi from 'Seinfeld'?
Larry: No.
J.D.: Say the soup thing.
Larry: No!
J.D.: Dammit!

Larry: Look, kid, you're just confused. All you need to do is focus on the little things you love about her. Like... the way she puts out a cigarette... or how when she finishes a beer, she looks inside the can just to check if there's any left.
J.D.: Hm?
Danni: Sweetie, it's 5 to 9, and my Denver omelet's not gonna make itself.

I can only assume you're saying "Let me out or I'm gonna kill ya"...not gonna happen. Listen, I'm in a rare position of power here, okay? So I'm only gonna let you out if you admit that you're my mentor. I know! I know that makes you angry, but-- Uh-oh! Okay! Okay! You know, I'm fine the other way! However you wanna do--

J.D.

Marko: Aw come on man! That was "When Harry Met Sally" - it was a classic!
Turk: Aww yeah dude, you know I was gonna rent that the other night but then I remembered I was a heterosexual.

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