Scrubs

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 3 Episode 19: "My Choosiest Choice of All"

J.D.: So, you'd rather hang out with someone you don't even like than be alone?
Danni: Yeah, pretty much.
J.D.: Yeah, me too. I mean, come on, how many couples out there actually have fun together?
Sean: Guys! Elliot and I are in the middle of a marathon game of Hide & Go Seek. If she comes in, you didn't see me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Baby.
Carla: Hmm?
Turk: I would never sleep with your sister. She's hideous.
 • Rating: Unrated

Danni: Okay, I'm gonna buy the next round. Which one of you handsome boys wanna help me carry it?
Sean: We're both good-looking guys, am I right? We'll sort this out when I get back!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bandmate: How you feeling?
Jeff: Hey, Rick!
Bandmate: Hi!
Jeff: Audrey! Ryan! Tim! Jamie! Tobey!
Bandmate: Hey, Jeff!
Jeff: Joe!
Dr. Cox: I hope this won't be awkward for ya, but I promised the whole band you'd have sex with them.
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Don't look at me like that! This is your fault, anyway! You two made me dream again.
Turk: Hey, we weren't the ones who caved in to Kelso.
Janitor: I do not owe you an explanation for that!
Carla: You're right, you don't owe us an explanation!
Turk: Lay some truth on him, baby!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Did you... did you do that for me?
Jordan: I thought it'd be fun. See, now there are two blondes you can't have sex with!
Dr. Cox: I don't care! It is so naughty!
 • Rating: Unrated

Danni: Giddyup, Dr. Dorkian!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 18: "His Story II"

Carla: Christopher!!!
Turk: You only call me "Christopher" when you're mad...or when we're having sex. You're not mad at me when having sex, are you baby?
Carla: Sometimes...maybe.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Aww don't bother with that Trish, you know I've been getting my hair cut by my barber "Big Frank" for seventeen years now, is it because his prices have remained the same? No, is it because I like the way his man breasts feel gently resting on my shoulders when he does my sideburns? A little, yes, but mainly it's because, unlike you, he does just exactly what I tell him to do. You see, it's either my way or the highway and since you've already broken that dictum, (claps and whistles) you're out!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: So you steal my research project, and now you want me to do your dirty work?
Lonnie: Dr. Cox said that if you said that, I'm to say "That's right Melinda!"
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Hey, research buddy!
Dr. Cox: We're four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision.
J.D.: Things Jordan says during sex! Ha!
Dr. Cox: Are those the charts I wanted?
J.D.: Noooo. They're the charts you wanted, plus! patient history charts from the last ten years, which yours truly stayed up all night organizing not only chronologically but by severity of condition.
(J.D. drops files)
J.D.: There's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone.
Dr. Cox: Things you say when you talk to your patients.
J.D.: Clever.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk's Narration: Thank God she thinks that hot chick, Tina, I invited is my cousin! Well guess what! There's no blood there, baby!
Carla: Oh, and by the way, don't think for a second that your "cousin" Tina's gonna be sitting at our table.
Turk's Narraion: Oh, my God! She's in my head! It's okay... Use it to your advantage... Make me a grilled cheese sandwich, woman!
Carla: Make it yourself.
Turk's Narration: Aaaaaaagggghhhh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Look, I like you... so here's some advice: Never, ever do anything with Bob Kelso. Don't talk to him, don't look at him, don't even associate with guys his age on the outside chance that they just shared a steam together in that never ending Klan meeting that they call a "country club"; right? He is... pure evil.
Dr. Miller: I'll remember that. Not the crazy "where the hell is he going with this?" ranting, but you know, the gist - the Bob Kelso-bad part.
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Are you a good pianist?
Turk's Narration: "Pianist"! Heeheehee!
Bryan: Yeah, I got a scholarship to Juilliard.
Turk: Bry-Bry! You're in the money! Girl's love the artsy type - you'll be getting more tail than you know what to do with.
Bryan: Ohhh, okay.
Turk: "Tail" is sex, Bryan.
Bryan: Ohhh! Awesome!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Miller: Look, you made a mistake. Every one of us has made a mistake. You should consider yourself lucky - instead of losing his arm he'll just have some nerve damage and limited use of his right hand. It could have been a lot worse. If you want I'll even tell him for you.
Turk: He's a concert pianist.
Dr. Miller: Oh. You tell him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Well, now, you are looking slim. Are those new scrubs? Or is it the fact you no longer have a soul?
Dr. Miller: What's your problem?
Dr. Cox: Come on, the only reason Kelso wanted you at that dinner is because he knows standing next to a pretty doctor will get his picture in all the medical journals. Assuming his image actually shows up in photographs.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Turk: Babe, I've never screwed up a kid's life before. I mean, I've had minor slip-ups, and that watch you gave me for Christmas may still be inside Mr. Conte, but... nothing like this.
Carla: That watch is inside Mr. Conte? Well, thank God! All this time I thought you didn't like it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk's Narration: Oh, this is bad. Okay, what did I do? Think. I accidentally got her a present on my ex-girlfriend's birthday. I referred to that new cute nurse as a young Carla Espinosa - damn, that was stupid. I've been known to leave my toenail clippings on her throw pillow. Oh, and I forgot to put the toilet seat down last night and she bruised her butt!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Miller: Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going. I have a date. And even if I didn't, I don't think I'd want to go to a snooze-fest with a bunch of drunk proctologists just so you could get your picture in the latest edition of Bend Over Weekly.
Dr. Kelso: A simple "I'm busy" would have sufficed.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Laverne, what will you give me if I get this jelly bean in your cleavage?
Laverne: A concussion.
 • Rating: Unrated

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