Scrubs

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 3 Episode 21: "My Self-Examination"

J.D.'s Narration: I knew I needed to talk this over with someone who understood me. Someone I had recently been intimate with.
Larry: Yeah?
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, not him.
Danni: J.D., this is Larry. Larry, this is J.D.
Larry: I think I'll go put on some underwear.
J.D.: Please, Larry!
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Turk! We're getting married tomorrow!
Turk: Yeah....
Carla: Why aren't you excited?
Turk: 'Cause, baby, we've been here for an hour and you've already said it like thirteen times.
Carla: But we're getting married tomorrow!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Have you been working on your vows?
Turk: Define "work."
Carla: It's the difference between special birthday sex and no sex on our wedding night.
Turk: Yeah, I do like the special birthday sex.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Turk, when I asked you if you wanted to write your own vows, you said yes.
Turk: Baby, I'm on top of it, all right? I promise you this weekend'll go off without a hitch!
Carla: Oh, hey, how did it go picking up my brother at the airport this morning?
Turk: I'm sorry, what?
Carla: How could you forget him!? You two have enough trouble getting along as it is!
Turk: Baby, I'm joking!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Look, Danni, the reason I'm here is - well, first of all I wanted to give you back your skull lighter. Secondly, you always seem to have some insight in to why I'm so messed up. I mean here I-I chase after Elliot for three years, now I don't want her!
Danni: Well maybe it's 'cause you idealize women and no one can live up to your standards.
J.D.: Why would I idealize women?
Danni: What's your mom like?
Flashback
J.D.'s Mom: I love you, honey. You're the smartest, handsomest, sweetest boy in the whole world. And no matter how hard you look, you will never find a woman who'll love you as much as I do.
Little J.D.: I know, Mommy.
End Flashback
J.D.: My mom is perfect.
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Look, kid, you're just confused. All you need to do is focus on the little things you love about her. Like... the way she puts out a cigarette... or how when she finishes a beer, she looks inside the can just to check if there's any left.
J.D.: Hm?
Danni: Sweetie, it's 5 to 9, and my Denver omelet's not gonna make itself.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s Narration: Oh, he is so the Soup Nazi! Trick him!
J.D.: What is it again? It's like, you're out of luck in the soup department?
Larry: NO SOUP FOR YOU!
J.D.: Ha! Rad.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Morning!
Janitor: Is it? Is it really?
J.D.: No, I was-I was kidding.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jordan: I refuse to be judged by a grown man wearing a hockey jersey. Which reminds me - Jimmy's mom called, and if you guys win the big game today, she's gonna take everybody to Chuck E. Cheese!
Dr. Cox: Say the word and I'll go out and buy a whole new wardrobe; and to pay for it we'll just sell one of your shoes!
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Catch me, stud!... You know, most guys woulda caught me. I love that you didn't!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.'s Narration I guess the Soup Nazi was right, it is the little things that are important. Like when Elliot blows the bangs out of her face. Or how she's the only person I know who sneezes with her eyes open.
Elliot: Atchoo. Ahem. 'Scuse me.
J.D.'s Narration: And that's when I realized that I really liked all those things about Elliot, but I didn't love them... and I didn't love her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Tell me, did ya happen to come across any pamphlets on people who only work eight days a year and then spend the other 357 whining about it?
Jordan: What part of "I'm not fighting with you anymore" do you not get? If you want someone to fight with, you have to find someone else. Mm-hmm.
Dr. Cox: Oh, good. Here you're wetting down the floor for the older folks.
Janitor: Please say that you're talking to me.
Dr. Cox: I don't see anybody else around, soap jockey.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Turk, I need your help, man. It's about Elliot.
Marko: Why, did you sleep with her again?
J.D.: How does everybody know about this?
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Dude, I would love to help right now, but I'm in the middle of writing my vows. And all I've got so far is, "Let's give it up for the caterers! WOO! Good chicken!"
J.D.: So now that you're gettin' married, it's all about you.
Turk: No, now that I'm getting married tomorrow, it's about me.
Marko: Ooh, still seems that you can take a minute for a friend.
J.D.: I know!
Turk: Shut up, Marko!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

J.D.'s Narration: Once you embrace a relationship and decide that you're really in, everything becomes easier. And I am in, baby!
Elliot: So, my parents are coming to town next week.
J.D.: We must eat with them!
Elliot: Oh. All right.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: You just bought yourself four weekends on call! Damn twisty bottoms!
Carla: You just said you didn't care. Why are you fighting?
Dr. Cox: I can't stop!
 • Rating: Unrated

Turk: Baby, you mean so much to me. That's why you my baby. And, yeah, there were babies before you, but I promise you, baby, you will be my baby forever, baby... Stop saying "baby"!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Turk: You know what, tell her I couldn't come up with anything, so I guess I don't love her.
Marko: Gimme that.
Turk: For what?
Marko: I'm gonna write your vows for you... Ooh! A clicky top!
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: God, I can't remember the last time I saw you in this suit and tie.
J.D.: How can you not remember that time we were with those-
Elliot: Oh, God! With the two guys!
J.D.: -the two guys, and their mom was trying to sing that song!
Elliot: It was so funny!
J.D.: So funny... Till they had to... put their horse down.
Elliot: Oh, yeah...
Elliot/J.D.: Poor Cinnamon.
Elliot: He could run like the wind, but his tail couldn't put out that fire.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carla: Well, you have to do something.
Dr. Cox: No I don't, you jackass!
Carla: Ha ha! Sweetie, you ain't getting any here. I'm getting married tomorrow.
Dr. Cox: Please?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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