Turk: If I work this shift, I can finagle two extra days on the honeymoon.
J.D.: Ooh, nice use of "finagle."
Turk: Oh, thanks.

Turk: Dr. Miller, look, it's a really small wedding, and you're an amazing boss, and I feel really bad about it, so...there's a wedding brunch tomorrow, and it's only for family and really close friends, and...well, we'd love for you to be there.
Dr. Miller: That would mean the world to me!
Turk: Okay, I didn't think you were gonna say yes. There's no brunch.

Worthless Peons: "(Bum-bum-bum) Hava nagila, hava nagila, hava na-"
J.D.: Ted! Church!
Ted: We do mostly Bar Mitzvahs.

Carla: Hey, Elliot, how are you doing with this whole J.D. thing?
Elliot: I can't believe that on this day you would actually worry about how I'm doing. Carla, you're such an amazing friend.
Carla: Don't do this, Elliot. I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional until after we took the pictures.

Turk: Okay, Carla's dying, it's rally time. We have no band, we have no DJ. You're my best man - brainstorm.
J.D.: Remember that after-party we had in college, when the stereo went out and I ended up hooking up with that grad student from Brazil?
Turk: Yeah?
J.D.: That was awesome.
Turk: Woo hoo, you made out with a little person.
J.D.: I thought she was kneeling.

J.D.: So, Sean... You look...woolly.
Sean: Since Elliot left me, my life's fallen apart.
J.D.: It's been four days, Sean. Which, by the way, makes the beard all the more impressive.
Sean: I'm a quarter Hungarian.

Turk: Hey. How's it going, Mr. Fitzpatrick?
Mr. Fitzpatrick: Actually, it's Father Fitzpatrick.
Carla: Could you do us a quick favor?

Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, honey. Are you waking up?
Jordan: Why are you in such a hurry?
Dr. Cox: I'm not in any kind a hurry!
Jordan: Did you dress me?
Dr. Cox: Fine. Carla scares me, okay? She may be small, but she has very powerful legs.

Marco: I knew that jackass would screw this up!
Todd: Did you just dis my friend, Turk?
Marco: What are you gonna do about it, meathead?
Todd: My friend, I am about to make you look very silly!
Todd prepares to hit Marco but Marco gives him a push and he tumbles off the altar
Laverne: Things are starting to heat up.

Dr. Kelso: Ahhh! Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?

Todd: Dude, that pick-up line you gave me for all the Spanish chicks is not working.
Marco: Maybe you're saying it wrong. Let's hear it.
Todd(Translated): I have genital herpes... for you.
Marco: Nope. That's right. Keep trying.
Todd(Translated): Many herpes!... Big! Oh, yeah!

J.D.: Where're the other bridesmaids?
Elliot: They're out buying an eyebrow.
J.D.: Well, that's gonna be tough on a Saturday, with Eyebrows Eyebrows Eyebrows being closed. They're gonna have to go all the way across town to the Eyebrow Hut.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Giddyup, Dr. Dorkian!

Danni

Danni: Be brilliant today!
J.D.: I always am.