Scrubs Season 3 Quotes
Dr. Cox: Look at that, a message from Jordan.
J.D: How is it going?
Dr. Cox: Just great.
(Dr. Cox throws his pager down the hall)
Guy down the hall: Hey, watch it!
J.D: Dr. Cox, we have know each other for over two years. Let me in okay... Help me, help you, help me, help you, help me, help you...
Dr. Cox: Stop it!
J.D :Help me, help you.
Dr. Cox: Fine, Newbie! Let me-let me tell you a little story. It starts every day at 5 in the morning - which is just about the time that you're setting your hair for work - when I am awakened by a sound: Is that a cat being gutted by a fishing knife? Nooo! That's my son. He's hungry and he's got a load in his pants so big that I'm actually considering hiring a stable boy. But, I go ahead and dig in; because I do love the lad and, well gosh, you know me, I'm a giver. And I'm off to the hospital, where my cup runneth over with both quality colleagues, such as yourself, and a proverbial clown-car full of sick people. But, what the hey, my pay is about the same as guys who break rocks with other rocks and I only have to work three or four hundred hours a week, so, so far I'm a pretty happy camper! And then I head back home where I'm greeted by the faint musk of baby vomit in a house that used to smell like, well... nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I-i-in fact it used to smell like nothing at all. And all I want to do before I restart this whole glorious cycle is, you know, maybe lay on the couch and have a beer and watch some SportsCenter and, if I'm not too sweaty from the day's labours, stick my hand right down my pants, buuut apparently that's not in Jordan's definition of "pulling your weight". So, uh, there you are, superstar. Fix that.
Janitor: Hey, idiot... I said "idiot" and you looked.
J.D.: I looked because you did the "hey idiot" thing to me, like, six months ago.
Janitor: Did you look then?
J.D.: Yeah.
Janitor: Heh.
J.D.: You know what? I think you're out of ways to bother me.
Janitor: No, you're wrong.
J.D.: Think of a way to annoy me right now. That's what I thought.
Laverne: Thanks for the Sea-World tickets, Sean.
Sean: So, you have family in town or something?
Laverne: Hell no, I'm going to sell these.
Sean: Oh... okay.
Elliot: J.D., Sean's gonna let me swim with the dolphins this weekend.
J.D.: Oh really, that's great, I hope they don't maul you.
Sean: Relax Elliot, dolphins love people.
Elliot: H-how'd you get that giant scar on your leg again?
Sean: Oh, parachute pants. Yeah, it got caught in the zipper.
Elliot: Right.
Carla: You're lying already! I love that!
Sean: Well, it wasn't even a dolphin that bit me.
Carla: What was it?
Sean: Black whale.
Turk: You rang?
J.D.: Yes! I knew you'd end up liking it!
J.D.: Elliot, don't be embarrassed. You're not the first person to give a patient an orgasm during a pelvic exam. No one cares.
Elliot: Please, I'm sure the two of you haven't stopped obsessing about it since the second it happened.
Turk: Woman, we're professionals. Isn't that right, Dr. Dorian? Dude!
J.D.: Oh, I'm sorry. What-what's up? What's happening with the other thing?
J.D.'s Narration: Around here we all make fun of each other. Except for Carla. No one makes fun of Carla.
Lloyd: Got a gross of bedpans here, and where should I pick up my medal?
Carla: For what?
Lloyd: For reading your chicken-scratch handwriting. Who is with me?
Carla: Listen, I run back and forth for 18 hours a day between patients who might die and patients who will die, and if I find time to write an order for bedpans, I write it fast. So you will forgive me if I don't feel like being judged by some guy in his thirties who still wears shorts to work! Now, go ahead and say the only three words I want to hear coming out of your mouth.
Lloyd: S-sign here, please?
Jordan: Thanks again for holding the door for me back there.
Dr. Cox: In my defense, I didn't know you were behind me because I didn't hear anybody telling me what a horrible person I am.
J.D.: Heeey! How are the new happy parents?
Jordan: Oh, I'm living my dream. Have a great day today. Hurry home tonight so you can ignore your son and not do your share.
Dr. Cox: You make me want to kill myself and everybody around me!
J.D.: So, uh, you and Jordan... huh? You wanna talk about it?
Dr. Cox: I do, but not here, because I'll probably just (fake crying) oh... cry... and it's too late! Here I swore I wouldn't do this. Come on, Perry, get it together. Get it together. Get it to-you stop it! You stop it! You stop it! You stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Huuuuah! Come on, you idiot.
Dr. Cox: Uh, Mr. Randolph, your PSA number's gone up quite a bit since your last blood test. Now, this could be from the prostatitis, we won't know for sure until your biopsy results come back later on this afternoon. But I feel pretty certain that we're gonna find something.
Randolph: Oh for God's sake Catherine, stop making a scene! I'm sorry doctors, but she gets a little emotional.
Dr. Cox: Are you two WASPs?
Randolph: Episcopalian. Why?
