Jordan:I'm taking Jack to my mother's for a few months. Perry: Yes,but who'll be taking care of Jack while you and your mother go out marauding for flesh?

Turk: You know how you're prone to overly sensitive girly displays of sentimentality?
J.D.: Guilty.

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it.
Elliot: Carla, I can sense you're upset. Talk to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, but Turk's a prideful guy, and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive.
J.D.'s Narration: Touch, magic hallway.

Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, um... Lookit, I tried to guilt you into not taking that job.
Jordan: Really? Look, I don't wanna be one of those moms that never sees her kids. But I also don't wanna be one of those moms that stays at home but then resents her kids 'cause she wishes she was working so she could go to an office and feel bad about not being at home with her kids. I was just worried that you would think I was a bad mom.
Dr. Cox: Sweetie, you are an evil, soulless, chemically-enhanced battle-axe that I truly doubt is a hundred percent human, but... you are an amazing mom.

Nurse: Someone stole a whole case of laxatives from the supply closet.
Laverne: Don't look at me - I'm as regular as rain.

Dr. Kelso: Welcome aboard! This will be your office for the next few days! Ted, find someplace else to work.
Ted: Aw, man! Not again!

Jordan: Oh, yeah, Ted, I moved the file cabinet. I'm gonna miss this office.
Dr. Cox: Why? It smells like that odd combo of flopsweat, hopelessness, and feet.

Hooch: By the by, Johnny told me that you were responsible for my...brothy shower the other day.
Turk: Well, you know...
Hooch: If it happens again, I'm gonna take one of your fingers. That'll be my... funny prank.

Carla: Well, maybe Jake shouldn't have pushed you into that interview.
Elliot: Maybe I should have covered my mouth when I sneezed blood the second time.

Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.: Who made it?
Janitor: Let's say my mom.
J.D.'s Narration: As a doctor, you get good at piecing things together.
Flashback
Nurse: Someone stole a case of laxatives.
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.'s Narration: This one was obvious.
End Flashback
J.D.: No thank you.
Todd: Free pie? Hell yeah!

Turk: What does SCB mean?
J.D.: Super Chocolate Bear.
Turk: I love it.
J.D.: I knew you would.

I can't believe you talked me into this! I will never get this fellowship - I don't interview well. It's the reason I didn't get into Harvard. The second the professor asked me what I hoped to accomplish in college, my nose started bleeding, and I sneezed and splattered his shirt with blood.

Elliot

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

You come in here and walk around like you're the queen bee. Guess what, Missy. This is my house. You and Mr. Chestless here are over. So move on! Cause if you don't, I'm going to turn your little lame liason into a threesome, starring yours truly. And I don't kiss nice.

Jordan

Was she always wearing that big hat?

Dr. Cox