TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Jordan:I'm taking Jack to my mother's for a few months. Perry: Yes,but who'll be taking care of Jack while you and your mother go out marauding for flesh?

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it.
Elliot: Carla, I can sense you're upset. Talk to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, but Turk's a prideful guy, and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive.
J.D.'s Narration: Touch, magic hallway.

Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, um... Lookit, I tried to guilt you into not taking that job.
Jordan: Really? Look, I don't wanna be one of those moms that never sees her kids. But I also don't wanna be one of those moms that stays at home but then resents her kids 'cause she wishes she was working so she could go to an office and feel bad about not being at home with her kids. I was just worried that you would think I was a bad mom.
Dr. Cox: Sweetie, you are an evil, soulless, chemically-enhanced battle-axe that I truly doubt is a hundred percent human, but... you are an amazing mom.

I can't believe you talked me into this! I will never get this fellowship - I don't interview well. It's the reason I didn't get into Harvard. The second the professor asked me what I hoped to accomplish in college, my nose started bleeding, and I sneezed and splattered his shirt with blood.

Elliot

Turk: You know how you're prone to overly sensitive girly displays of sentimentality?
J.D.: Guilty.

So here I am. Sitting on a box, in an empty apartment with a dead dog, and a single tear on my cheek. I can't help but wonder how I got to this place.

J.D.'s Narration

J.D.: Oh! Can we cut words out of magazines that represent how we feel about each other and glue them into a "Friends Forever" collage?
Turk: Hell no.
J.D.: Oh. Well, can we drink beers and reminisce?
Turk: Hell yes!
J.D.: That's all I wanted to do anyway.
J.D.'s Narration: Plus, I already made the collage.

Dr. Kelso: Harrison posted his first profit this quarter.
Dr. Cox: Aces. And I'm guessing that's because his significant other...
Dr. Kelso: Terrence.
Dr. Cox: Terrence doesn't follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is "in" this season or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life.

Carla: Sure, Jake, I'll tell you why it feels like I have a problem with you. The fact that Elliot jumps so high whenever you tell her to may seem harmless, but as a result she's been stealing all my sports bras! Seriously, the only one I have left is the one I'm wearing; and it works great, see? Huh?
Jake: It works pretty nicely.
Carla: It does, right? But! If I wanna jump up and down again this week, I'm stuck until laundry day!

Turk: Who are these guys?
J.D.: These are the last eight guys in the hospital who don't realize I suck at basketball.
Turk: Ah.
J.D.: Okay, so here's what's gonna happen: I finally mastered my running hook-shot, okay?
Turk: Ah-huh?
J.D.: So when we go to pick teams, I'm gonna hit that shot. Then you say, "I'll take that guy!" At which point, Carla is gonna page me. And I'll say, "Crap, I gotta go." And you go, "Damn! We just lost the best player out here!" Then there'll be eight guys in the hospital who think I'm good at sports, and word will spread.
Turk: When do you find time to see your patients?
J.D.: Between these thoughts.

Janitor: Who's ready for a pie break?
J.D.: No!
Janitor: Come on, why not?
J.D.: Why don't you ask Todd? Due to what can only be described as epic diarrhea, he's been on an I.V. drip for thirty-six hours!
Todd: Make-it-stop five?

Carla: Well, maybe Jake shouldn't have pushed you into that interview.
Elliot: Maybe I should have covered my mouth when I sneezed blood the second time.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 1181 in total

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Was she always wearing that big hat?

Dr. Cox

Dan: I was in a dark place and she saved me, she really did. Haven't felt this good since my dad died.
J.D.: Our dad.
Dan: Right.

× Close Ad