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Jake: If everything's all right here, I'm kind of on my way to the airport. I'm going kayaking with some friends in New Zealand.
Elliot: Cool! So, what are you gonna do there?
Jake: Mostly kayaking.
- Permalink: If everything's all right here, I'm kind of on my way to the air...
J.D.: So, Betty, you're back with us. And I see you brought a young, handsome buck with ya. What are you, trying to make me jealous? You know you're my gal!
Betty: Who are you?
J.D.: I'm Dr. Dorian. Uh, I'm the one that's taken care of you the last nineteen times you've been in here. She's getting a little forgetful - you know how that happens. Are you a relative?
Jake: Uh, no, neighbor. I only met her once.
Betty: It was raining, and you were wearing a blue sweater!
J.D.: That's a lovely memory, Betty. You know what else is a lovely memory - that Sunday I spent eight hours helping you join the Wilford Brimley fan club. You don't remember that, do ya.
- Permalink: So, Betty, you're back with us. And I see you brought a young, h...
Todd: Nurse, suction.
Nurse: The patient's not even here yet.
Todd: I know.
- Permalink: Nurse, suction. The patient's not even here yet. I know.
Betty: Is Dr. Reid coming back?
J.D.: Oh, don't worry about her, Betty, you're in good hands with Dr. Dorian.
Betty: Who's that?
J.D.: That's me! Betty, Dr. Dorian. Cocoon. Wilford Brimley. Steve Guttenberg. The whole day. No?
- Permalink: Is Dr. Reid coming back? Oh, don't worry about her, Betty, you...
J.D.: Hey, Hooch!
Hooch: That's my name....don't wear it out.
J.D.: Classic Hooch!
- Permalink: Hey, Hooch! That's my name....don't wear it out. Classic Hoo...
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, you can't do that.
Dr. Kelso: I didn't. Your friend Turkleton did. And I can do whatever I want. (Doodles a curly marker mustache on J.D. and laughs) You look ridiculous.
Turk: I thought we were doing mustaches on Sunday?
J.D.: I didn't do this, Kelso did!
Turk: You invited Kelso to Mustache Sunday?
J.D.: Enough with the mustaches, dude!
- Permalink: Dr. Kelso, you can't do that. I didn't. Your friend Turkleton ...
J.D.: Are you responsible for breaking up Turner and Hooch?
Turk: I need an excuse to get out of couples counseling. Dude, I can't open up, man, I just can't do it. Besides, this way no one gets hurt.
Dr. Turner: We had a hell of a run, man.
Hooch: Just get outta here.
- Permalink: Are you responsible for breaking up Turner and Hooch? I need a...
Jake: Just admit it - you're just here from the future to destroy me.
J.D.: I am not from the future, Jake! Gesundheit, Carol!
J.D.: Yes! It finally worked! What are the odds?
- Permalink: Just admit it - you're just here from the future to destroy me. ...
J.D.: Look, you're gonna do whatever you want with your sister, but Jake's just trying to help. He's a stand-up guy, I think you should leave him alone. If you do, I think it would be dy-no-mite! Sorry, I was just watching 'Good Times' in the doctors' lounge.
Dennis: Yeah. I'm gonna screw him to the wall.
- Permalink: Look, you're gonna do whatever you want with your sister, but Ja...
J.D.'s Narration: Kelso had a point. I mean, in the outside world you'll occasionally see a stream of cars drive by an old woman with a flat tire. But around here, every time you round a corner, well...
(A couple are talking to a doctor, the woman's face bruised and swollen.)
Husband: She fell again.
- Permalink: Kelso had a point. I mean, in the outside world you'll occasiona...
Elliot: Hey, Jake. How's it goin'?
Jake: Oh, heh, I've had better days. How are you?
Dr. Cox: Listen to me, Barbacious, you gotta stay the course here. You gotta keep ignoring him.
Elliot: But I am already ignoring him. How do I ignore him more?
Dr. Cox: Aha. Piece of cake. First you engage him, then you ignore him.
Jake: Elliot? I said, How are you?
Elliot: I actually don't have time for this, okay? I'm a doctor!
Jake: But you asked me how I was.
Elliot: Yeah, trying to save lives here. It's not always about you!
- Permalink: Hey, Jake. How's it goin'? Oh, heh, I've had better days. How ...
Jake: He spelled "attorney" wrong.
J.D.(reads post-it): "Buy Groceries. Kill Self."
- Permalink: He spelled attorney wrong. Buy Groceries. Kill Self.