Elliot: Ohhh, my God, you're right.
Carla: Don't let him be your puppet-master.
Jake: Hey!
Elliot: Hey.
Jake: What's up?
Elliot: I have a headache.
Jake: Take some aspirin.
Elliot: Don't tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me!

J.D.'s Narration: Turk didn't even realize he'd pissed me off, so explaining my feelings to him was the smart move. I took a slightly different tack.
J.D.: That seat's taken, ass-face!
Turk: By who?
J.D.: Hello there, Chocolate Bear Two.
Turk: Hooch!? J.D., what the hell is going on here!?
J.D.: I replaced your ass!

Janitor: No better pick-me-up than a slice of Mom's pie!
J.D.: Why are you so obsessed with this?
Janitor: I dunno. I think it's 'cause this time, I wasn't trying to mess with you.
J.D.: Really?
Janitor digs in and takes a bite.
Janitor: Really.
J.D. takes the fork and has a bite.
Janitor: Huh?
Cut to Men's Room
J.D.: Who would do this to themselves?
Janitor: Totally worth it.
J.D.'s Narration: As every piece of food I'd put into my body in the last year was rushing out of me, it got me thinking.

I can't believe you talked me into this! I will never get this fellowship - I don't interview well. It's the reason I didn't get into Harvard. The second the professor asked me what I hoped to accomplish in college, my nose started bleeding, and I sneezed and splattered his shirt with blood.

Elliot

Bob, people have a private life and people have a professional life, and usually those two hells are kept pretty separate. For instance, I don't know that much about your home life, other than the fact that you treat your wife like a dog, your dog like a wife, and your son like an androgynous ne'er-do-well who drained your retirement nest-egg to open up a yarn shop in Minneapolis.

Dr. Cox

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it.
Elliot: Carla, I can sense you're upset. Talk to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, but Turk's a prideful guy, and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive.
J.D.'s Narration: Touch, magic hallway.

Turk: Now, listen to me. You gotta make tonight count. 'Cause you'll never be as cool as you were when you were rollin' with The Big Dog as your roommate, you know?
J.D.'s Narration: No, I didn't know.

J.D.: Come here, boy! Come on, Rowdy!
Turk: No, you come here and eat your steak!
Carla: What are you doing?
J.D.: Oh, whoever Rowdy goes to first, he gets to keep him. Rowdy, if you come to me I'll scratch your special region!
Carla: So, you moved back all the furniture and defrosted our dinner with your sweaty hands for a joke!?
Turk: Yeah, we did...
Carla: If he stays, I'll drive him out to the country and leave him there.
J.D.'s Narration: Huzzah! He's mine!

J.D.: Oh! Can we cut words out of magazines that represent how we feel about each other and glue them into a "Friends Forever" collage?
Turk: Hell no.
J.D.: Oh. Well, can we drink beers and reminisce?
Turk: Hell yes!
J.D.: That's all I wanted to do anyway.
J.D.'s Narration: Plus, I already made the collage.

J.D.: So, yo, could I ask you a question?
Turk: Yeah.
J.D.: Why are we lying in the parking lot?
Turk: Your hook-shot knocked you unconscious, so I lied down next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin'.
J.D.: Oh, thanks SCB!

Yo, Hooch is seriously crazy.

J.D.

Turk: You know how you're prone to overly sensitive girly displays of sentimentality?
J.D.: Guilty.

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Turk: I need to pee.
Carla: Don't you think it's weird you've already gone seven times today?
Turk: I think it's weird you're counting.

I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

J.D.