Dr. Cox: All right, then, before we jump in to rounds, I see it's time for my annual cologne intervention. Lonnie, you're killing us. And, honestly, what's the point? D'you understand that no matter how badly you wanna get freaky with Karen, here, that's just not going to happen, and here's why: She thinks you have the body of a fetus. Oh, Karen, did you tell me that in confidence?
Karen: No, he knows.
Lonnie: She drew me a picture.

Jordan: Don't sweat it too much, kid. He wore so much cologne on our first date, I had to sell my Miata!
Dr. Cox: WHY?
Jordan: For funsies!
Dr. Cox: Heel!
Lonnie: Thanks for that.
Jordan: Keep movin', fetus face.

Dr. Cox: You see, the woman is everywhere! She's there when I work out in the morning, when I work out in the car on the way to work, and when I work out when I get to work. I can't seem to get away from her, and that used to be fine when she just came round for five minutes every month or so to fed on my dignity, but now! I'd honestly kill myself Bob, if I wasn't convinced that Jordan wouldn't already be there, waiting for me in the afterlife! You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike ride, all along the banks of the river Styx!
Dr. Kelso: I'm so glad you shared.

Hooch: Who the hell...put bouillon cubes in the shower head!?! Huh? Hm, did you do it? Hm? Did you? If it happens again, I will wait in my S.U.V., blast me some speed-metal - 5.1 surround sound, heavy on the bass - and someone...will be getting...mowed...down.
J.D.: Hooch is crazy! I'm really gonna miss this kinda stuff.
Turk: Why? We'll still be able to pull pranks on him after you move out.
J.D.: Yeah, but we won't be able to stay up 'til six in the morning planning anything as genius as the soup shower!

Dr. Kelso: How would you like to make this a full-time job?
Jordan: I'll have to think about it!
Dr. Cox stares incredulously at Kelso
Dr. Kelso: How could you not see this coming?

Elliot: Ohhh, my God, you're right.
Carla: Don't let him be your puppet-master.
Jake: Hey!
Elliot: Hey.
Jake: What's up?
Elliot: I have a headache.
Jake: Take some aspirin.
Elliot: Don't tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me!

J.D.: Here at Sacred Heart, you get to work with some of the finest doctors in the country.
Todd: Out of my way! I got a doozy of a twosie!

Turk: You know how you're prone to overly sensitive girly displays of sentimentality?
J.D.: Guilty.

Turk: Yo, they call me Chris One. What's the dealio?
J.D.: [Wearing a wizard's hat] Welcome to our lair. I'm an eighth level ogre magi with invisibility. And this is Randall. [Points at ornamental dragon]

Jake: Okay, I'm obviously gonna have to guess what your point is here, but I think it's that I control Elliot? Which I don't. Here, watch this: Elliot, will you shove that guy?
Elliot throws the guy passing her into the wall
Jake: Why would you do that? I was tr-I was trying to prove you don't do everything I say.
Elliot: Well, clue me in, stud! That was Creepy Carl- he runs an up-skirt website...

Dr. Kelso: Harrison posted his first profit this quarter.
Dr. Cox: Aces. And I'm guessing that's because his significant other...
Dr. Kelso: Terrence.
Dr. Cox: Terrence doesn't follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is "in" this season or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life.

Jordan: So, do you think I should take the job? Perry?
Dr. Cox: Oh. I'm sorry, honey. I was just thinking about this little boy in here. He's only eight years old and he's terminal. I just hope his parents spent as much time with him as they could - you're here one minute, and then the next you're... What, uh, what were you saying?
Jordan: Nothing.

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Janitor: What's that, your new, uh, cool guy walk?
J.D.: No, I have rocks in my shoe.
J.D.'s Narration: Wow, that's a lot of rocks. I gotta stop taking that short-cut through the quarry.

J.D.'s Narration: The only thing you can take solace in is that a girl like her would probably never be interested in you anyway.
Kylie: I can't believe a cute guy like you doesn't have a girlfriend. If I was single, I'd totally snatch you up.
J.D.: Would you like to play a game of Hangman?