Scrubs Season 4 Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Hello young lady! I went ahead and set an appointment up for you with our nutritionist who's going to help you create a diet and exercise plan so I never have to see you in here again!
Miss Goldman: Yeah... I'm having a gastric bypass.
Dr. Kelso: But, Miss Goldman, you're only twenty five. And considering that any serious surgery has inherit risks, I really don't think-
Miss Goldman: How are you not getting this?! I don't care what you think!
Elliot: Carla is just bottomin' out man. I mean I'm not even supposed to be here at work today, I just came to use the bathroom because she keeps violating The Rule.
J.D.: Quiet on the crapper?
Elliot: Yeah! It's like she just stores everything up until my cheeks hit the seat! She thinks she's exempt from the rule! Nobody is exempt from The Rule, J.D.
J.D.: Okay, shhh, it's okay. I'll never talk to you on the crapper. Okay.
Elliot: I cannot afford to soundproof my bathroom!
Dr. Kelso: Dammit, young lady, LET ME IN! THIS IS MY HOSPITAL!
Dr. Cox: Hey Booob! What's shaking in Patientville?
Dr. Kelso: Ohh... just trying to keep myself from spending all day in there with her. Such a doll!
Dr. Cox: Awww... You Bob!
Dr. Kelso: What we are dealing with are venostasis ulcers, most likely because of your weight.
Miss Goldman: Wow! You figured out that I'm fat! You're either a brilliant doctor or every guy I've ever gone to high school with!
My barber once told me it's important to finish what you've started.
J.D.'s Narration
Carla: Okay... You know I was skeptical but it's been kinda nice reminiscing about my Mom.
Elliot: It's about to get a whole lot nicer.
Tape Recorder: Hi sweetie, it's Mom! I just called to tell you how much I love you!
Carla: Oh my god!
Elliot: It's J.D.'s old answering machine.
Tape Recorder: Hi Carla! I sure wish you would call me once in awhile!
Elliot: Hadn't heard that one. (unplugs the answering machine) So, uh, what other stories do you have about your Mom?
Tape Recorder: Carla!
Elliot: God there's batteries!
I want to Bob, I really do. But, my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk who wouldn't let me give him a rectal exam unless I said pretty please first, and I'm just not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt. Not even in my private time.
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: I will tell you one thing, though. If you even want to have an outside chance of reaching someone nowadays... you damn sure better speak from your heart.
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Blow it out your ass, Bob.
Dr. Cox: Real nice outfit there, Bobbo.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, you just go right ahead and say what you want, because Dr. Bob Kelso is back in action and he hasn't missed a step. Now! Where do we keep the sick people?
Junior, I don't know what you doin' in my area, but you better be lookin' for some bandages 'cause you're gonna need them when I get through with you.
Laverne
J.D.'s Narration: Last summer, Turk and I were forced to choose between helping to stem a hepatitis C outbreak in the inner city or going to bartending school. I've always felt we did the right thing. Especially since I knew Turk had to blow off some steam before his big meeting with Carla tomorrow.
J.D.: Alright everybody! We're your guest bartenders - we'll be here all night!
Barber: That'll be eighteen dollars.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm not paying. I'm a doctor!
Barber: Yeah... we don't do that anymore. You're paying.
Dr. Kelso gets up and runs out the door
J.D.'s Narration: You still have to try, though. Because as a recently incarcerated doctor once said, "Nothing worth having comes easy."
