Dr. Cox: Unlike you, Bobbo, Gandhi here is in a healthy relationship. I mean, come on, lookit. Even Jordan lets me keep in touch with women from my past. Give me a pound, my dawg.
Turk: He gets me.
Dr. Cox: Give me a pound, dawg.
Dr. Kelso: Does he know you were being sarcastic?
Dr. Cox: I hope not.
Dr. Kelso: Splendid.

Janitor: You know, I don't really appreciate you messing with my lady.
Dr. Cox: Your lady?
Janitor: Blonde Doctor and I are going to end up together. I'm talking the whole shebang. House in the 'burbs, Volvo in the driveway, dogfighting ring in the basement.
Dr. Cox: I guess it wouldn't be the first time the janitor got the girl. Oh, wait a minute... Yes it would.
Janitor: You want to place a wager?
Dr. Cox: I do. But here I really have no need for a cracked thermos and two pounds of keys.

See Turk? This is our problem. We're trying to have a serious conversation here, but you're more concerned about how your OTHER wife is doing!

Carla

J.D.'s Narration: Turk and Carla were having some relationship trouble of their own. But at least they were working on it.
Turk: Baby, I don't understand why we can't discuss this after The A-Team.

Kylie: Wait right here... It's for your scooter- What are you doing?
J.D. has stripped down to his boxers and is lying on the couch
J.D.: Nothing. I was just going to do a little laundry. I assume your facilities are in-building?
Kylie: Why is it always about sex with you?
J.D.: It's not! Look. Kylie. I'm just really proud of my abs. Or... ab.

Elliot: Okay. The patient is in shock so the first thing we want to try to do is assess intervascular volume.
Dr. Cox makes a buzzer sound
Elliot: What, that's right.
Dr. Cox: I know. I wasn't bzzing you to indicate an incorrect answer. I was bzzing you because I was bored and I just thought that might drive you crazy.
Elliot: Ah, you're a wonderful teacher! Now stop bzzing me in front of my residents. It's unprofessional.
Dr. Cox: You're right Barbie. Carry on.
Elliot: Ahem. So, when you're dealing with cardiogenic shock... it's best to start fluid resusita-
Dr. Cox: BONG!

Turk! If you can't remember to put the cap on the toothpaste how are
we going to raise our children? You know what? I'm going to stay with my
sister.

Carla

Janitor: How about my van for your Porsche?
Dr. Cox: I suppose when I win I could destroy your vehicle and make you watch, couldn't I? Bet.

Ted: You want to get Elliot, get in good with her best friend.
Janitor: Who's Elliot?

There was one other girl, a few years ago... Red Haired Doctor. She used to eat lunch with me. Until the other residents started making fun of her. They called her Janitor Lunch Eater. Not the most clever group.

Janitor

J.D.(on phone): Hey, Kylie. I was calling to see how your day was going.
Molly: ...this ninety degree cave and sweat would just be dripping off our naked bodies.
J.D.: Naked sweat drips...
Kylie(on phone): What?
J.D.(on phone): Um, nothing, Kylie. It's a new band called the Naked Sweat Drips. They have a great song called Perfect Breasts...
Molly: ...And then I got so flexible I could put my legs behind my head.
Kylie(on phone): J.D., are you there?
Molly: You should come.
Elliot: Oh, frick on a stick. I gotta go. I want to hear the rest of the story, don't forget where you were.
J.D.: Feet up behind her head.
Kylie(on phone): Who has their feet behind their head?
J.D.: A patient, Kylie. Horrible car accident. You gotta wear your seatbelt, I'm telling you. Even around the block.

Carla: Turk. I found your cell phone in the parking lot.
J.D.: Four stories and not a scratch. What are you made of?

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Elliot: It's so strange feeling all alone when like a month ago I was part of this really tight group, you know?
Molly: Yeah. I had tons of friends at my old hospital.
Elliot: I gotta meet some new people.
Molly: Do you wanna, uh, get a cup of coffee tonight?
Elliot: Can't. I'm hitting the internet hard and going on a friend hunt!

Molly: So, where were we?
J.D.: Er... we weren't talking.
Molly: Was it 'cause of something you did? 'Cause I'm totally over it. I don't even remember what it was.
J.D.: No, I mean like, we've never talked.
Molly: How do I know your name then?
J.D.: You don't.
Molly: You're freaking me out Jimmy.
J.D.: It's Johnny.
J.D.'s thoughts: Why would you say Johnny? You hate Johnny.