Are you a TV Fanatic?
Sign up for our daily newsletter to receive personalized television news for free!
Well, look, Carla, Jake makes me happy! Plus, there's a decent chance he'll be my second serious boyfriend not to end up in bed with my mom or my brother Barry.Elliot
- Permalink: Well, look, Carla, Jake makes me happy! Plus, there's a decent c...
J.D.: Come here, boy! Come on, Rowdy!
Turk: No, you come here and eat your steak!
Carla: What are you doing?
J.D.: Oh, whoever Rowdy goes to first, he gets to keep him. Rowdy, if you come to me I'll scratch your special region!
Carla: So, you moved back all the furniture and defrosted our dinner with your sweaty hands for a joke!?
Turk: Yeah, we did...
Carla: If he stays, I'll drive him out to the country and leave him there.
J.D.'s Narration: Huzzah! He's mine!
- Permalink: Come here, boy! Come on, Rowdy! No, you come here and eat your...
J.D.: Just say you're sorry, give me a hug, and this'll all be over.
Turk: Why do I have to say I'm sorry?
J.D.: Dude, I don't mean to sound girly, but, for the last twelve years, you've practically been like...my wife.
Turk: How is that girly?
- Permalink: Just say you're sorry, give me a hug, and this'll all be over. ...
J.D.'s Narration: Turk didn't even realize he'd pissed me off, so explaining my feelings to him was the smart move. I took a slightly different tack.
J.D.: That seat's taken, ass-face!
Turk: By who?
J.D.: Hello there, Chocolate Bear Two.
Turk: Hooch!? J.D., what the hell is going on here!?
J.D.: I replaced your ass!
- Permalink: Turk didn't even realize he'd pissed me off, so explaining my fe...
Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, um... Lookit, I tried to guilt you into not taking that job.
Jordan: Really? Look, I don't wanna be one of those moms that never sees her kids. But I also don't wanna be one of those moms that stays at home but then resents her kids 'cause she wishes she was working so she could go to an office and feel bad about not being at home with her kids. I was just worried that you would think I was a bad mom.
Dr. Cox: Sweetie, you are an evil, soulless, chemically-enhanced battle-axe that I truly doubt is a hundred percent human, but... you are an amazing mom.
- Permalink: Hey, Jordan, um... Lookit, I tried to guilt you into not taking ...
Dr. Cox: All right, then, before we jump in to rounds, I see it's time for my annual cologne intervention. Lonnie, you're killing us. And, honestly, what's the point? D'you understand that no matter how badly you wanna get freaky with Karen, here, that's just not going to happen, and here's why: She thinks you have the body of a fetus. Oh, Karen, did you tell me that in confidence?
Karen: No, he knows.
Lonnie: She drew me a picture.
- Permalink: She thinks you have the body of a fetus. Oh, Karen, did you tell...
Dr. Kelso: Welcome aboard! This will be your office for the next few days! Ted, find someplace else to work.
Ted: Aw, man! Not again!
- Permalink: Welcome aboard! This will be your office for the next few days! ...
Dr. Kelso: Harrison posted his first profit this quarter.
Dr. Cox: Aces. And I'm guessing that's because his significant other...
Dr. Kelso: Terrence.
Dr. Cox: Terrence doesn't follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is "in" this season or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life.
- Permalink: Harrison posted his first profit this quarter. Aces. And I'm g...
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.: Who made it?
Janitor: Let's say my mom.
J.D.'s Narration: As a doctor, you get good at piecing things together.
Nurse: Someone stole a case of laxatives.
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.'s Narration: This one was obvious.
J.D.: No thank you.
Todd: Free pie? Hell yeah!
- Permalink: Who wants a piece of pie! Who made it? Let's say my mom. A...
J.D.: Here at Sacred Heart, you get to work with some of the finest doctors in the country.
Todd: Out of my way! I got a doozy of a twosie!
- Permalink: Here at Sacred Heart, you get to work with some of the finest do...
Dr. Kelso: No, I'm here because the budget's a mess. Ted's not making much headway.
Ted: Three-twelve times four-eighty-one equals... Sir, it's not giving me the answer!
Dr. Kelso: It's a typewriter, you jackass!
- Permalink: No, I'm here because the budget's a mess. Ted's not making much ...
I can't believe you talked me into this! I will never get this fellowship - I don't interview well. It's the reason I didn't get into Harvard. The second the professor asked me what I hoped to accomplish in college, my nose started bleeding, and I sneezed and splattered his shirt with blood.Elliot
- Permalink: I can't believe you talked me into this! I will never get this f...