J.D.: Here at Sacred Heart, you get to work with some of the finest doctors in the country.
Todd: Out of my way! I got a doozy of a twosie!

Dr. Kelso: How would you like to make this a full-time job?
Jordan: I'll have to think about it!
Dr. Cox stares incredulously at Kelso
Dr. Kelso: How could you not see this coming?

Jordan: Oh, yeah, Ted, I moved the file cabinet. I'm gonna miss this office.
Dr. Cox: Why? It smells like that odd combo of flopsweat, hopelessness, and feet.

Lonnie: Thanks for that.
Jordan: Keep movin', fetus face.

J.D.: So, yo, could I ask you a question?
Turk: Yeah.
J.D.: Why are we lying in the parking lot?
Turk: Your hook-shot knocked you unconscious, so I lied down next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin'.
J.D.: Oh, thanks SCB!

Well, look, Carla, Jake makes me happy! Plus, there's a decent chance he'll be my second serious boyfriend not to end up in bed with my mom or my brother Barry.

Elliot

Jordan: So, do you think I should take the job? Perry?
Dr. Cox: Oh. I'm sorry, honey. I was just thinking about this little boy in here. He's only eight years old and he's terminal. I just hope his parents spent as much time with him as they could - you're here one minute, and then the next you're... What, uh, what were you saying?
Jordan: Nothing.

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it.
Elliot: Carla, I can sense you're upset. Talk to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, but Turk's a prideful guy, and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive.
J.D.'s Narration: Touch, magic hallway.

J.D.: Errrr... Jake? Is it?
Jake: Yeah... it is...
J.D.: I know your name, Jake, I'm being condescending. It's Jake, right?

Janitor: Who's ready for a pie break?
J.D.: No!
Janitor: Come on, why not?
J.D.: Why don't you ask Todd? Due to what can only be described as epic diarrhea, he's been on an I.V. drip for thirty-six hours!
Todd: Make-it-stop five?

Nurse: Someone stole a whole case of laxatives from the supply closet.
Laverne: Don't look at me - I'm as regular as rain.

So here I am. Sitting on a box, in an empty apartment with a dead dog, and a single tear on my cheek. I can't help but wonder how I got to this place.

J.D.'s Narration

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

Carla: Whatever. It's fine, it's fine. It's not like all my friends are gonna go to Molly for advice.
Laverne: Mmm-hmm.
Molly: Nurse Roberts, if you still wanna talk about that situation with your husband, we can go to my office now.
Laverne: 'Scuse me.