Jordan: So, do you think I should take the job? Perry?
Dr. Cox: Oh. I'm sorry, honey. I was just thinking about this little boy in here. He's only eight years old and he's terminal. I just hope his parents spent as much time with him as they could - you're here one minute, and then the next you're... What, uh, what were you saying?
Jordan: Nothing.

Turk: Now, listen to me. You gotta make tonight count. 'Cause you'll never be as cool as you were when you were rollin' with The Big Dog as your roommate, you know?
J.D.'s Narration: No, I didn't know.

J.D.: Here at Sacred Heart, you get to work with some of the finest doctors in the country.
Todd: Out of my way! I got a doozy of a twosie!

Turk: You know how you're prone to overly sensitive girly displays of sentimentality?
J.D.: Guilty.

Hooch: By the by, Johnny told me that you were responsible for my...brothy shower the other day.
Turk: Well, you know...
Hooch: If it happens again, I'm gonna take one of your fingers. That'll be my... funny prank.

Turk: Who are these guys?
J.D.: These are the last eight guys in the hospital who don't realize I suck at basketball.
Turk: Ah.
J.D.: Okay, so here's what's gonna happen: I finally mastered my running hook-shot, okay?
Turk: Ah-huh?
J.D.: So when we go to pick teams, I'm gonna hit that shot. Then you say, "I'll take that guy!" At which point, Carla is gonna page me. And I'll say, "Crap, I gotta go." And you go, "Damn! We just lost the best player out here!" Then there'll be eight guys in the hospital who think I'm good at sports, and word will spread.
Turk: When do you find time to see your patients?
J.D.: Between these thoughts.

Jake: Okay, I'm obviously gonna have to guess what your point is here, but I think it's that I control Elliot? Which I don't. Here, watch this: Elliot, will you shove that guy?
Elliot throws the guy passing her into the wall
Jake: Why would you do that? I was tr-I was trying to prove you don't do everything I say.
Elliot: Well, clue me in, stud! That was Creepy Carl- he runs an up-skirt website...

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe I was being unfair to Turk. Maybe it's too much to expect a friend to just sense that you're upset and wanna talk about it.
Elliot: Carla, I can sense you're upset. Talk to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, but Turk's a prideful guy, and it's hard for prideful guys to admit when they've been insensitive.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Jordan, I've been incredibly insensitive.
J.D.'s Narration: Touch, magic hallway.

Carla: I think we should have a baby.
Turk: Whoa!
Carla: Hm?
Turk: Whoa!!
Carla: What?
Turk: I know you're feeling abandoned right now, but we just went through a really rough spot, and I'm not the type of guy to make life-changing decisions without thinking about it for at least, like... a few months.
Carla opens her top to reveal a sexy camisole underneath.
Turk: Let's make a baby.

J.D.'s Narration: And so here I am - a guy in an empty apartment with a dead dog. Oh, and that's not a tear on my cheek, that's just from the leak in my ceiling. And, yes, change is scary, but it's also inevitable. It's up to you to make the best of it. I mean, it's not like opportunity is just gonna fall in to your lap.
The leaking ceiling collapses, and a woman in a sudsy bathtub plummets onto J.D.'s moving boxes.
Woman: Agh!
J.D.'s Narration: Then again...
J.D.: Howdy, neighbor, I'm Jonathan!
Woman: Hi.
A half-naked, mean looking guy crashes down next to them.
Guy: You eyeballin' my woman?
J.D.'s Narration: I hate change.

Elliot: Oh God.
Jake: What is it?
Elliot: I just locked the door when a black guy walked by. Now he's gonna think that I think he's dangerous 'cause he's black; and not just black, but with an actual 'fro and everything - which, trust me, I don't find scary at all. Not like the zigzags and the cornrows and stuff. My life's ruined!

Elliot: Sex is disgusting!
Carla: I know, sweetie.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 1181 in total

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?

Elliot: Yeah, and Kelso wants me to keep hiding Doug until that attorney leaves. Isn't that ridiculous?
Carla: Elliot, the man tried to electrocute me an hour ago. All I care about is whether or not this twitch goes away. You should take Doug down to the morgue. The worst he could do there is bring somebody back to life!

×