Jordan: So, do you think I should take the job? Perry?
Dr. Cox: Oh. I'm sorry, honey. I was just thinking about this little boy in here. He's only eight years old and he's terminal. I just hope his parents spent as much time with him as they could - you're here one minute, and then the next you're... What, uh, what were you saying?
Jordan: Nothing.

Janitor: No better pick-me-up than a slice of Mom's pie!
J.D.: Why are you so obsessed with this?
Janitor: I dunno. I think it's 'cause this time, I wasn't trying to mess with you.
J.D.: Really?
Janitor digs in and takes a bite.
Janitor: Really.
J.D. takes the fork and has a bite.
Janitor: Huh?
Cut to Men's Room
J.D.: Who would do this to themselves?
Janitor: Totally worth it.
J.D.'s Narration: As every piece of food I'd put into my body in the last year was rushing out of me, it got me thinking.

J.D.: Just say you're sorry, give me a hug, and this'll all be over.
Turk: Why do I have to say I'm sorry?
J.D.: Dude, I don't mean to sound girly, but, for the last twelve years, you've practically been like...my wife.
Turk: How is that girly?

J.D.: Here at Sacred Heart, you get to work with some of the finest doctors in the country.
Todd: Out of my way! I got a doozy of a twosie!

J.D.: Oh! Can we cut words out of magazines that represent how we feel about each other and glue them into a "Friends Forever" collage?
Turk: Hell no.
J.D.: Oh. Well, can we drink beers and reminisce?
Turk: Hell yes!
J.D.: That's all I wanted to do anyway.
J.D.'s Narration: Plus, I already made the collage.

Dr. Kelso: Harrison posted his first profit this quarter.
Dr. Cox: Aces. And I'm guessing that's because his significant other...
Dr. Kelso: Terrence.
Dr. Cox: Terrence doesn't follow him around the shop all day telling him just exactly what color is "in" this season or showing all of the other employees that he is not in fact the boss of his own life.

Elliot: Ohhh, my God, you're right.
Carla: Don't let him be your puppet-master.
Jake: Hey!
Elliot: Hey.
Jake: What's up?
Elliot: I have a headache.
Jake: Take some aspirin.
Elliot: Don't tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me!

Ted: If you need some happy pills, they're in the top drawer.
Jordan: In this hell-hole, I'll need a gun!
Ted: Bottom left.

J.D.'s Narration: And so here I am - a guy in an empty apartment with a dead dog. Oh, and that's not a tear on my cheek, that's just from the leak in my ceiling. And, yes, change is scary, but it's also inevitable. It's up to you to make the best of it. I mean, it's not like opportunity is just gonna fall in to your lap.
The leaking ceiling collapses, and a woman in a sudsy bathtub plummets onto J.D.'s moving boxes.
Woman: Agh!
J.D.'s Narration: Then again...
J.D.: Howdy, neighbor, I'm Jonathan!
Woman: Hi.
A half-naked, mean looking guy crashes down next to them.
Guy: You eyeballin' my woman?
J.D.'s Narration: I hate change.

Carla: I think we should have a baby.
Turk: Whoa!
Carla: Hm?
Turk: Whoa!!
Carla: What?
Turk: I know you're feeling abandoned right now, but we just went through a really rough spot, and I'm not the type of guy to make life-changing decisions without thinking about it for at least, like... a few months.
Carla opens her top to reveal a sexy camisole underneath.
Turk: Let's make a baby.

Dr. Cox: Mark my words: eventually you will tell people what'cha did.
Turk: Yeah, we'll see.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, we'll see.
Turk: Yeah, we will see.
Dr. Cox: We will so see.
Turk: You wanna call it?
Dr. Cox: That's a pretty good idea.
Turk: See you later.

Elliot: Sex is disgusting!
Carla: I know, sweetie.

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Was she always wearing that big hat?

Dr. Cox

Turk: You know how you're prone to overly sensitive girly displays of sentimentality?
J.D.: Guilty.