Scrubs Season 4 Quotes
Yo, Hooch is seriously crazy.J.D.
Dr. Cox: You see, the woman is everywhere! She's there when I work out in the morning, when I work out in the car on the way to work, and when I work out when I get to work. I can't seem to get away from her, and that used to be fine when she just came round for five minutes every month or so to fed on my dignity, but now! I'd honestly kill myself Bob, if I wasn't convinced that Jordan wouldn't already be there, waiting for me in the afterlife! You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike ride, all along the banks of the river Styx!
Dr. Kelso: I'm so glad you shared.
Dr. Kelso: Welcome aboard! This will be your office for the next few days! Ted, find someplace else to work.
Ted: Aw, man! Not again!
Dr. Cox: All right, then, before we jump in to rounds, I see it's time for my annual cologne intervention. Lonnie, you're killing us. And, honestly, what's the point? D'you understand that no matter how badly you wanna get freaky with Karen, here, that's just not going to happen, and here's why: She thinks you have the body of a fetus. Oh, Karen, did you tell me that in confidence?
Karen: No, he knows.
Lonnie: She drew me a picture.
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.: Who made it?
Janitor: Let's say my mom.
J.D.'s Narration: As a doctor, you get good at piecing things together.
Nurse: Someone stole a case of laxatives.
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.'s Narration: This one was obvious.
J.D.: No thank you.
Todd: Free pie? Hell yeah!
J.D.: Come here, boy! Come on, Rowdy!
Turk: No, you come here and eat your steak!
Carla: What are you doing?
J.D.: Oh, whoever Rowdy goes to first, he gets to keep him. Rowdy, if you come to me I'll scratch your special region!
Carla: So, you moved back all the furniture and defrosted our dinner with your sweaty hands for a joke!?
Turk: Yeah, we did...
Carla: If he stays, I'll drive him out to the country and leave him there.
J.D.'s Narration: Huzzah! He's mine!
Janitor: No better pick-me-up than a slice of Mom's pie!
J.D.: Why are you so obsessed with this?
Janitor: I dunno. I think it's 'cause this time, I wasn't trying to mess with you.
Janitor digs in and takes a bite.
J.D. takes the fork and has a bite.
Cut to Men's Room
J.D.: Who would do this to themselves?
Janitor: Totally worth it.
J.D.'s Narration: As every piece of food I'd put into my body in the last year was rushing out of me, it got me thinking.
Jake: Okay, I'm obviously gonna have to guess what your point is here, but I think it's that I control Elliot? Which I don't. Here, watch this: Elliot, will you shove that guy?
Elliot throws the guy passing her into the wall
Jake: Why would you do that? I was tr-I was trying to prove you don't do everything I say.
Elliot: Well, clue me in, stud! That was Creepy Carl- he runs an up-skirt website...
Carla: I think we should have a baby.
Turk: I know you're feeling abandoned right now, but we just went through a really rough spot, and I'm not the type of guy to make life-changing decisions without thinking about it for at least, like... a few months.
Carla opens her top to reveal a sexy camisole underneath.
Turk: Let's make a baby.
J.D.'s Narration: And so here I am - a guy in an empty apartment with a dead dog. Oh, and that's not a tear on my cheek, that's just from the leak in my ceiling. And, yes, change is scary, but it's also inevitable. It's up to you to make the best of it. I mean, it's not like opportunity is just gonna fall in to your lap.
The leaking ceiling collapses, and a woman in a sudsy bathtub plummets onto J.D.'s moving boxes.
J.D.'s Narration: Then again...
J.D.: Howdy, neighbor, I'm Jonathan!
A half-naked, mean looking guy crashes down next to them.
Guy: You eyeballin' my woman?
J.D.'s Narration: I hate change.
J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately for Jake, he still had to pass muster with Turk and me. And nothing is quite as daunting as our "good guy test."
J.D.: Well, I could use a beer.
Jake: I got this round. Be right back.
J.D.: Good guy.
Turk: Great guy!
Elliot: Sex is disgusting!
Carla: I know, sweetie.