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I can't believe you talked me into this! I will never get this fellowship - I don't interview well. It's the reason I didn't get into Harvard. The second the professor asked me what I hoped to accomplish in college, my nose started bleeding, and I sneezed and splattered his shirt with blood.Elliot
- Permalink: I can't believe you talked me into this! I will never get this f...
Jake: Okay, I'm obviously gonna have to guess what your point is here, but I think it's that I control Elliot? Which I don't. Here, watch this: Elliot, will you shove that guy?
Elliot throws the guy passing her into the wall
Jake: Why would you do that? I was tr-I was trying to prove you don't do everything I say.
Elliot: Well, clue me in, stud! That was Creepy Carl- he runs an up-skirt website...
- Permalink: Elliot, will you shove that guy? Elliot throws the guy passing ...
Janitor: Who's ready for a pie break?
Janitor: Come on, why not?
J.D.: Why don't you ask Todd? Due to what can only be described as epic diarrhea, he's been on an I.V. drip for thirty-six hours!
Todd: Make-it-stop five?
- Permalink: Who's ready for a pie break? No! Come on, why not? Why don...
J.D.: So, yo, could I ask you a question?
J.D.: Why are we lying in the parking lot?
Turk: Your hook-shot knocked you unconscious, so I lied down next to you so everyone would just think we were chillin'.
J.D.: Oh, thanks SCB!
- Permalink: So, yo, could I ask you a question? Yeah. Why are we lying i...
So here I am. Sitting on a box, in an empty apartment with a dead dog, and a single tear on my cheek. I can't help but wonder how I got to this place.J.D.'s Narration
- Permalink: So here I am. Sitting on a box, in an empty apartment with a dea...
Dr. Kelso: How would you like to make this a full-time job?
Jordan: I'll have to think about it!
Dr. Cox stares incredulously at Kelso
Dr. Kelso: How could you not see this coming?
- Permalink: How would you like to make this a full-time job? I'll have to ...
Jordan: Oh, yeah, Ted, I moved the file cabinet. I'm gonna miss this office.
Dr. Cox: Why? It smells like that odd combo of flopsweat, hopelessness, and feet.
- Permalink: Oh, yeah, Ted, I moved the file cabinet. I'm gonna miss this off...
Turk: What does SCB mean?
J.D.: Super Chocolate Bear.
Turk: I love it.
J.D.: I knew you would.
- Permalink: What does SCB mean? Super Chocolate Bear. I love it. I kne...
Carla: I think we should have a baby.
Turk: I know you're feeling abandoned right now, but we just went through a really rough spot, and I'm not the type of guy to make life-changing decisions without thinking about it for at least, like... a few months.
Carla opens her top to reveal a sexy camisole underneath.
Turk: Let's make a baby.
- Permalink: I think we should have a baby. Whoa! Hm? Whoa!! What? ...
J.D.'s Narration: And so here I am - a guy in an empty apartment with a dead dog. Oh, and that's not a tear on my cheek, that's just from the leak in my ceiling. And, yes, change is scary, but it's also inevitable. It's up to you to make the best of it. I mean, it's not like opportunity is just gonna fall in to your lap.
The leaking ceiling collapses, and a woman in a sudsy bathtub plummets onto J.D.'s moving boxes.
J.D.'s Narration: Then again...
J.D.: Howdy, neighbor, I'm Jonathan!
A half-naked, mean looking guy crashes down next to them.
Guy: You eyeballin' my woman?
J.D.'s Narration: I hate change.
- Permalink: And so here I am - a guy in an empty apartment with a dead dog. ...
Elliot: I don't think that we were going too quick at all. By the way, what do you do?
Jake: I make and distribute Hungarian pornography.
Jake: I'm a real estate developer.
Elliot: Oh, thank God!
- Permalink: I don't think that we were going too quick at all. By the way, w...
All right, everybody! Gather around here, circle it up, will ya? Bring it in nice and tight. Look, I know I'm pretty quick to point out other people's mistakes but...I have a son now, and I also realize that it's important to recognize when someone does something right. Mr. Blake down in Bed 3 came in here with what seemed like a basic heart block. But someone took the time to find out that recently he'd been camping and correctly diagnosed him with Lyme Carditis. Now, I'm sure some of your are gonna think this is a silly exercise, but I'd like that someone to step forward and stick your hand up in the air so that the group can recognize your great good work. This-this is no time to be modest. Come now... Oh! My God! It was me! I did it, I'm a genius, I'm a huge brain in a ripped up body, I am Jesus H. Cox...M.D.Dr. Cox
- Permalink: All right, everybody! Gather around here, circle it up, will ya?...