Janitor: You paged me in the middle of a busy day! This better be important!
Dr. Kelso: What were you doing?
Janitor: Sleeping in a mop closet.

Dr. Cox: I can't clear his airway. Call 9-1-1! Let's go!
Turk: He'll be brain-dead by the time they get here-
Dr. Cox: Come on!
Turk: I'm gonna do an emergency trach. Lemme get a knife!... A clean knife!

Honestly, it was like Death and I had a staring match, and, well, Death blinked. Now, all of you know I'm not one to toot my own horn, but, uh... beep, beep

Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Carla, I assume tubby hubby here told you all about what happened at the taco stand?
Carla: Please, tell me you didn't try to get free guacamole again by telling them you were married to one of their people.

Dr. Cox: Mark my words: eventually you will tell people what'cha did.
Turk: Yeah, we'll see.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, we'll see.
Turk: Yeah, we will see.
Dr. Cox: We will so see.
Turk: You wanna call it?
Dr. Cox: That's a pretty good idea.
Turk: See you later.

Dr. Kelso: That's not yours! That's my car thing! You just painted it!
Janitor: I did not!
Dr. Kelso: You've got green paint on your face!
Janitor: I do n- Well, that's not paint, that's...pudding.

Carla: Elliot, you can't keep taking J.D. everywhere you go. Sooner or later, you're gonna have to trust yourself.
Elliot: No, I won't, Carla. This system is working. Trust me, heh, I will not be having sex with Jake anytime soon!
Jake: That seems like a...a strange thing to announce to your friends.

Elliot: Look, I have just been thinking about all of my relationships, and every time one has potential, I go too fast and ruin everything. Long story short, Jake's not getting any.
J.D.: Oh, please, you're a half a glass of wine away from nuding up and doing your go-to move.
Turk: Which is?
J.D.: Her on top, eyes closed, yelling, "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"

(to Doug, after he takes his scooter away) No offense son, but I can't have a delusional bozo like you driving that around the halls.

Dr. Kelso

As I gangsta leaned down the hallway in the rad new wheels I found near the dumpster, I couldn't help but realize how ego affects everything.
(J.D. crashes the scooter into a cart of medical supplies)

J.D.

Elliot: I don't know how much longer I can avoid sleeping with Jake, man.
J.D.: It's easy. If you ever find yourself in a romantic situation, just do something that's a complete turn-off.
Carla: You know, like how you can swallow your whole fist.

Jake: Wow, this Body Heat's a sexy movie, huh?
J.D.: Mmm. Doesn't Kathleen Turner have dynamite nerps?
Elliot: Yeah.

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Doug: How long do I have to stay up here?
Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm! Apparently there was some sort of election held recently.

Carla: Okay! I put interview guy in the lounge and told him that Elliot was with a patient. Now. How we gonna fix this thing?
Janitor: You're okay. The guy wanted an orange soda, right? We bring him an orange soda, maybe the whole thing goes away.
Carla: Okay, here's the plan: Jordan and I will take care of interview guy. Soft-Scrub, you can do whatever the hell you want.
Janitor: I will.