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Dr. Cox: Carla, I assume tubby hubby here told you all about what happened at the taco stand?
Carla: Please, tell me you didn't try to get free guacamole again by telling them you were married to one of their people.

Turk: Anyway, I'm not gonna tell anyone about this because, unlike you-unlike you, I got in medicine to help people, not for my own personal glory.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, now that's just a load of crap.

Elliot: Look, the reason I've been acting so weird and having my friends hang around us all the time is because I really think that we have a shot for something great, and I don't wanna go and ruin it by sleeping with you too fast. I mean, what was I supposed to do?
Jake: Well, you...you could have just told me that.
Elliot: Yes, but you're forgetting I'm a crazy person!

Turk: What's the sex like?
Elliot: What makes you think that I have slept with him?
Dr. Kelso: For starters, you've known him more than ten minutes.

Janitor: Aaaand finished. I remember the bordello being a little bit bigger and there were probably a few more prostitutes, but maybe I just remember it that way 'cause I was a kid - it was my twelfth birthday. I asked for a bike. I got a 48-year-old whore.
Doug: It's beautiful. It's almost a shame I get these casts off in a week.
Janitor: A month.
Doug: A what?
Janitor: Yeah, I worked too hard on this - you can take 'em off in a month.
Doug: I'll call my orthopedist.

Elliot: Look, I have just been thinking about all of my relationships, and every time one has potential, I go too fast and ruin everything. Long story short, Jake's not getting any.
J.D.: Oh, please, you're a half a glass of wine away from nuding up and doing your go-to move.
Turk: Which is?
J.D.: Her on top, eyes closed, yelling, "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"

J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately for Jake, he still had to pass muster with Turk and me. And nothing is quite as daunting as our "good guy test."
J.D.: Well, I could use a beer.
Jake: I got this round. Be right back.
J.D.: Good guy.
Turk: Great guy!

Jake: Hey, did you think she was locking the door 'cause you're black?
Black Guy: No. I just thought she was locking the door.
Jake: Thanks, man... Better?
Elliot: Coolio! Let's go get some ice cream!

Elliot: I don't know how much longer I can avoid sleeping with Jake, man.
J.D.: It's easy. If you ever find yourself in a romantic situation, just do something that's a complete turn-off.
Carla: You know, like how you can swallow your whole fist.

Wouldn't have mattered, Jordan. You know why? Because I am always right. It's something my... my old pal, Gandhi here, knows a little something about, because, you see, we are both egotistical peas in a giant narcissistic pod. And, to prove my point, I'm gonna go ahead and make a... unnecessarily showy but undeniably impressive exit. Rope time, Gandhi.

Dr. Cox

Janitor: I know we haven't care of that whole asbestos thing from the '90s, and I know some toilets flush upward...
Dr. Kelso: Get to the point. My battery power's running low.
Janitor: The one thing that I'm proud of is that these floors are so clean you could eat off of 'em.
Dr. Kelso: Why is that?
Flashback
Janitor's Mom: If you're going to throw food on the floor, you can just eat there from now on.
End Flashback
Janitor: Soup night was the worst.

Dr. Cox: And it's just the way I called it! Grampa Goatee to win, Pee-Pants to place, and Wrong-Way Wally not to finish!
Carla: He does have glaucoma.
Jordan: Well, I should have been told that!

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 1181 in total

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

J.D.

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?