Jake: Hey, did you think she was locking the door 'cause you're black?
Black Guy: No. I just thought she was locking the door.
Jake: Thanks, man... Better?
Elliot: Coolio! Let's go get some ice cream!

Honestly, it was like Death and I had a staring match, and, well, Death blinked. Now, all of you know I'm not one to toot my own horn, but, uh... beep, beep

Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Carla, I assume tubby hubby here told you all about what happened at the taco stand?
Carla: Please, tell me you didn't try to get free guacamole again by telling them you were married to one of their people.

Dr. Cox: Mark my words: eventually you will tell people what'cha did.
Turk: Yeah, we'll see.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, we'll see.
Turk: Yeah, we will see.
Dr. Cox: We will so see.
Turk: You wanna call it?
Dr. Cox: That's a pretty good idea.
Turk: See you later.

Dr. Kelso: That's not yours! That's my car thing! You just painted it!
Janitor: I did not!
Dr. Kelso: You've got green paint on your face!
Janitor: I do n- Well, that's not paint, that's...pudding.

Janitor: Aaaand finished. I remember the bordello being a little bit bigger and there were probably a few more prostitutes, but maybe I just remember it that way 'cause I was a kid - it was my twelfth birthday. I asked for a bike. I got a 48-year-old whore.
Doug: It's beautiful. It's almost a shame I get these casts off in a week.
Janitor: A month.
Doug: A what?
Janitor: Yeah, I worked too hard on this - you can take 'em off in a month.
Doug: I'll call my orthopedist.

Lookit, I know what you're doing in there. You think that if you act like Dr. Sad Sack that the patient's gonna opt out of surgery and I'll have to spend yet another week with a man who has such an unnatural attachment to his gallbladder that, left to his own devices, he would rent a motel room and have sex with it. Now come on, I need you to sling that "I'm gonna get freaky-deeky with my chizzle and-and slizzle up the dizzle for my...bee-aye...yitch" stuff that, you know, you do so well.

Dr. Cox

Elliot: Sex is disgusting!
Carla: I know, sweetie.

Mr. Hoffner: So, uh, are you a good surgeon?
Turk: I'm capable.
Mr. Hoffner: "Capable." I'm not sure I want-I want the surgery.

Jake: Elliot, but I'm an adult. I want this to be an adult relationship. If you wanna be patient and not have sex right away, then that's fine. 'Cause I think we have a chance for something great, too.
Elliot: I want you so bad right now.
Jake: Cool.
J.D.: Guess I should get goin'...

Elliot: I don't know how much longer I can avoid sleeping with Jake, man.
J.D.: It's easy. If you ever find yourself in a romantic situation, just do something that's a complete turn-off.
Carla: You know, like how you can swallow your whole fist.

Janitor: And it's no good to hide it from me, 'cause I got keys to everything. Except the third floor mental ward. Someone stole that one.
Dr. Kelso: Was he smoking a gavel?
Janitor: Seemed to be.

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Dan: Hey, mind if I join you guys?
Dr. Cox: I think the question you should be asking is, "Mind if I diddle your ex?" Oh, and just a great big congratulations on your on-going streak of being the world's worst older brother!
Dan: Thanks, Coxy!

Okay, here it goes. Ho ho this is so weird. I don't really know what to say. Sorry I haven't visited much, I've been kinda busy. ...That's not true. Why am I lying to a slab of granite?

Carla