Mr. Hoffner: So, uh, are you a good surgeon?
Turk: I'm capable.
Mr. Hoffner: "Capable." I'm not sure I want-I want the surgery.

Janitor: And it's no good to hide it from me, 'cause I got keys to everything. Except the third floor mental ward. Someone stole that one.
Dr. Kelso: Was he smoking a gavel?
Janitor: Seemed to be.

Todd: You did great work.
Turk: Hey, you know, it's not about me.
Dr. Cox comes up and puppets Turk's hand in the five.
Todd: Assisted five! I'll take it!

Jake: Elliot, but I'm an adult. I want this to be an adult relationship. If you wanna be patient and not have sex right away, then that's fine. 'Cause I think we have a chance for something great, too.
Elliot: I want you so bad right now.
Jake: Cool.
J.D.: Guess I should get goin'...

Jake: Wow, this Body Heat's a sexy movie, huh?
J.D.: Mmm. Doesn't Kathleen Turner have dynamite nerps?
Elliot: Yeah.

Janitor: I know we haven't care of that whole asbestos thing from the '90s, and I know some toilets flush upward...
Dr. Kelso: Get to the point. My battery power's running low.
Janitor: The one thing that I'm proud of is that these floors are so clean you could eat off of 'em.
Dr. Kelso: Why is that?
Flashback
Janitor's Mom: If you're going to throw food on the floor, you can just eat there from now on.
End Flashback
Janitor: Soup night was the worst.

Elliot: Thanks for giving me a ride to work. I hope you didn't mind J.D. tagging along.
Jake: Mm-mm. Maybe next time we'll let you sit up front.
J.D.: Well, maybe next time she'll yell "shotgun" a little faster!

As I gangsta leaned down the hallway in the rad new wheels I found near the dumpster, I couldn't help but realize how ego affects everything.
(J.D. crashes the scooter into a cart of medical supplies)

J.D.

(to Doug, after he takes his scooter away) No offense son, but I can't have a delusional bozo like you driving that around the halls.

Dr. Kelso

Dr. Cox: Bottom line, in medicine, half of pulling it off is believing you're the biggest, smartest bad-ass of a doctor to ever walk these halls. You wanna see how you end up if you don't believe that?
Doug is on the floor of the morgue, trapped under a corpse.
Doug: I don't know how it happened again, but it did!

Turk: I'm not like that, am I?
Carla: Actually, Turk, you are slightly Coxish. Yeah! I mean, the way you do that stupid victory dance every time you win the slightest argument?
Turk: No I don't!
Carla: Maybe not. Heh. You know, Turk, you were right! Next year is not a leap year!
Suddenly Turk's on top of the desk, doing his stupid victory dance, complete with SynDrum sound effect.
Turk: Dammit!

Dr. Cox: I cannot believe that you of all people are the one I have to tell this to: Ego is good, you dumb-ass. It's the reason that guy wants you to be his surgeon, it's the reason that she is borderline attracted to you, and it's the reason she so desperately wants to marry you.
J.D.: Page me when you're headed home!

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Turk: Whenever J.D. and I are bored, we like to play a little game called "toe or finger"?
Carla: Uh-huh?
Turk: You close your eyes, and I run either a toe or finger underneath your nose and try to guess which one it is!Turk: You close your eyes, and I run either a toe or finger underneath your nose and try to guess which one it is! Huh!? Fine. What do you want to do?
Carla: Usually when J.D. gets off work, we gossip about hospital stuff.
Turk: Baby, that sounds a little immature.

That's a cute couple. I give 'em a week.

Dr. Cox