Janitor: And it's no good to hide it from me, 'cause I got keys to everything. Except the third floor mental ward. Someone stole that one.
Dr. Kelso: Was he smoking a gavel?
Janitor: Seemed to be.

Dr. Cox: I cannot believe that you of all people are the one I have to tell this to: Ego is good, you dumb-ass. It's the reason that guy wants you to be his surgeon, it's the reason that she is borderline attracted to you, and it's the reason she so desperately wants to marry you.
J.D.: Page me when you're headed home!

Dr. Cox: Bottom line, in medicine, half of pulling it off is believing you're the biggest, smartest bad-ass of a doctor to ever walk these halls. You wanna see how you end up if you don't believe that?
Doug is on the floor of the morgue, trapped under a corpse.
Doug: I don't know how it happened again, but it did!

(to Doug, after he takes his scooter away) No offense son, but I can't have a delusional bozo like you driving that around the halls.

Dr. Kelso

Elliot: Thanks for giving me a ride to work. I hope you didn't mind J.D. tagging along.
Jake: Mm-mm. Maybe next time we'll let you sit up front.
J.D.: Well, maybe next time she'll yell "shotgun" a little faster!

As I gangsta leaned down the hallway in the rad new wheels I found near the dumpster, I couldn't help but realize how ego affects everything.
(J.D. crashes the scooter into a cart of medical supplies)

J.D.

Mr. Hoffner: So, uh, are you a good surgeon?
Turk: I'm capable.
Mr. Hoffner: "Capable." I'm not sure I want-I want the surgery.

Elliot: I'm giving up on men!
Carla: Just call him!
Elliot: You can't make me!
J.D.: Well, unfortunately for you, I happen to know that the guy you're dating is always under speed dial number one.
Phone: Constipation hotline?
J.D.: Two is your current boyfriend!

Wouldn't have mattered, Jordan. You know why? Because I am always right. It's something my... my old pal, Gandhi here, knows a little something about, because, you see, we are both egotistical peas in a giant narcissistic pod. And, to prove my point, I'm gonna go ahead and make a... unnecessarily showy but undeniably impressive exit. Rope time, Gandhi.

Dr. Cox

Turk: I'm not like that, am I?
Carla: Actually, Turk, you are slightly Coxish. Yeah! I mean, the way you do that stupid victory dance every time you win the slightest argument?
Turk: No I don't!
Carla: Maybe not. Heh. You know, Turk, you were right! Next year is not a leap year!
Suddenly Turk's on top of the desk, doing his stupid victory dance, complete with SynDrum sound effect.
Turk: Dammit!

Elliot: I don't know how much longer I can avoid sleeping with Jake, man.
J.D.: It's easy. If you ever find yourself in a romantic situation, just do something that's a complete turn-off.
Carla: You know, like how you can swallow your whole fist.

Jake: Wow, this Body Heat's a sexy movie, huh?
J.D.: Mmm. Doesn't Kathleen Turner have dynamite nerps?
Elliot: Yeah.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 1181 in total

Scrubs Season 4 Quotes

Was she always wearing that big hat?

Dr. Cox

Quarantinis, anyone?

Danni
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