Scrubs Season 5 Quotes
Kim: Well I'm up for anything. I married my high school boyfriend, so the only first date I ever went on was in tenth grade. It began with me sitting in the back seat of his Miata because his friend Benny called shotgun and ended with us going to the arcade to, and I quote, "eat pizza and beat up nerds." And I married that guy.
J.D.: Well trust me, Kim, I've beaten up many nerds in my day. But tonight's about you having the very best first date ever.
Kim: Alright, sluggah!
Elliot/J.D.: Byyyeee.
Elliot: You don't have anything planned do you?
J.D.: You had to soil the whole food court thing. It's Veal Picatta Night at Sbarros.
Carla: Huh. Do you like that?
Todd: Wow. I felt it move.
Carla: Todd, you're touching your crotch.
Todd: I know. And I'm loving it.
It's springtime at Sacred Heart and the whole hospital has that end of the year smell. (J.D. sniffs nurse's hair and cringes)
J.D.'s narration
Turk: All right. Kim's right there. We spent all morning crafting a line so raw with confidence that if you pull it off...you're back in the game.
J.D.: I'm afraid, Mocha Bear.
Turk: I know...buck up. (Turk pushes J.D. over to Kim)
J.D.: Hey, Kim.
Kim: Oh, hey. J.D., how are you feeling?
J.D.: Well, uh... The swelling's gone down...for now.
(Long, dramatic pause)
Kim: (Laughing) You're an idiot!
Dr. Cox: Say, Bobbo, you wanna weigh-in on pregnancy sex?
Dr. Kelso: It's a freak show.
Listen up, Interns! Notice the definition in the upper calf. (Lifts pant leg to reveal his oddly youthful legs) Look at it, damnit! See that. Back in 'Nam the choppers used to hover about eight feet over my head and I'd jump in. You should have seen the look on Charlie's face. (To Rex) Not the enemy, son. The pilot, Charlie-horse. Great guy. He didn't make it back. Where's the cake?
Dr. Kelso
J.D.: Gift Shop Girl?
Lisa: Hey J.D.
J.D.: I thought you died.
Lisa: No, I just got married.
J.D.: But I sent your family flowers.
Lisa: I know. You bought them from me. It was kind of weird.
Elliot: I am wearing red. Should I not be wearing red around her?
Turk: She's pregnant, she's not a bull.
And then the ultimate Cox-block.
J.D.
Kim: This is the length of the average penis.
J.D.'s thoughts: What?!
Patient: That seems about right.
Kim: Good for you! I was just messing with J.D.
J.D.: You know what, I'm not talking to any of you guys. You're lying...! (J.D. checks patient's penis) Oh my God!
Carla: Baby look at this, I'm starting to look like a big fat pregnant lady.
Turk: No you're not, baby. You look like you just let yourself go a little.
(Carla begins to cry uncontrollably)
Turk: This past few days your moods have changed like that!
Carla: That is not true!
(Carla slaps the hell out of him)
Turk: That's cool...
Carla: I'm sorry. Let me kiss that owee. Kiss the owee... Baby...oh baby... I wanna do it right now.
Turk: You don't wanna do it right now? This'll pass.
Carla: This is happening.
Turk: Damn right this is happening.
(Turk begins to remove his clothes and Carla sits down)
Carla: My mom. I can't believe she'll never meet her grandchild.
Turk: Do you wanna start out with kissing or should we go right into the good stuff?
Carla: What is wrong with you?
(Carla pushes him over a table)
Turk: When will you learn?
I'll do it. I shouldn't be mopping in here anyway...this is a rug.
Janitor
