(to George) We fight death for a living every single day. We can't let it know we're afraid of it, or it'll kick our ass.


J.D.: I need you to connect with your patients, okay? If they need some sympathy, dig down in your soul and find some.
Denise: Yo, Mr. Harris! Sucks you'll never walk again.
Mr. Harris: Hell yeah, it does!
Denise: Better, right?
J.D.: No, no, Jo. He...he lost his feet.

When you disrespect someone, and they in turn burn your ass, you must RECOGNIZE!


Turk: Who behaves that way at a mini mart?
J.D.: I'm sorry Turk, but when I put that single beer down on the counter and that 18-year-old checkout kid is like, "Oh, big night?" it just pissed me off, you know. I mean, who is he to judge us? He needs to know we're not two lame-o's with nothing going on.
Turk: So that's why you bought the box of condoms and the flare gun.
J.D.: Exactly. Now whenever he thinks of us he'll picture us splitting a beer, sexing up the ladies, and shooting off flares. You know, like men do!
Turk: That does sound pretty awesome.
J.D.: I knew you'd come around.

J.D.: I didn't play sports, per se, George, I was the mascot for the girls' volleyball team.
George: Really? Wear a costume?
J.D.: Oh, great costume. I wore a bandanna and a half-shirt. At away games I wore spurs, which, in retrospect, is sort of weird 'cause we weren't The Cowboys.

When Carla dies heaven is going to suck!

J.D.'s narration

George: So what happened to dinner?
J.D.'s narration: We didn't want George to feel he was a burden, so we had to come up with a great excuse.
Turk: Giant oak tree fell on the restaurant.

Dr. Cox: Mr. Hicks' cardiac test results. They're negative. What do you know about that? Just like the 100 other tests we ordered for a man whose only complaint was shortness of breath?
Dr. Maddox: I assume there's a nugget of a point buried in there.
Dr. Cox: Why are you running that guy through the wringer?
Dr. Maddox: Because he's got awesome insurance. He's a 100 percent pure profit machine. Ka, and might I add, ching.

(to J.D.) Alright, listen, I want you to run some renal function tests on Mr. Hicks. Can you do that, or do you have more questions about my vagina?

Dr. Maddox
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