Scrubs Season 8 Quotes
Turk: Who behaves that way at a mini mart?
J.D.: I'm sorry Turk, but when I put that single beer down on the counter and that 18-year-old checkout kid is like, "Oh, big night?" it just pissed me off, you know. I mean, who is he to judge us? He needs to know we're not two lame-o's with nothing going on.
Turk: So that's why you bought the box of condoms and the flare gun.
J.D.: Exactly. Now whenever he thinks of us he'll picture us splitting a beer, sexing up the ladies, and shooting off flares. You know, like men do!
Turk: That does sound pretty awesome.
J.D.: I knew you'd come around.
(Janitor sticks out mop handle and trips J.D.)
Janitor: Stop confusing me by being nice and giving me phones.
J.D.: Fine! But why'd you have to trip me?
Janitor: Let me answer that question with another question: 'cause I wanted to.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Hicks' cardiac test results. They're negative. What do you know about that? Just like the 100 other tests we ordered for a man whose only complaint was shortness of breath?
Dr. Maddox: I assume there's a nugget of a point buried in there.
Dr. Cox: Why are you running that guy through the wringer?
Dr. Maddox: Because he's got awesome insurance. He's a 100 percent pure profit machine. Ka, and might I add, ching.
Dr. Maddox: (Looking in Ted's briefcase) Hey, how come all you have in here is a smiley face button and a revolver?
Ted: Well...one's in case I get sad and...the other one's in case I get really sad.
Dr. Maddox: Well! See you tomorrow.
Ted: We'll see.
Dr. Maddox: You're fired.
Janitor: (holding up a photo) What about my son?
Dr. Maddox: That's my daughter!
J.D.: Someone needs to send those interns to an intern-ment camp.
Turk: Dude, internment camps are never funny.
J.D.'s narration: I always forget that Turk is one-eighth Japanese.
J.D.: This patient's loss of temperature sensation on the contra lateral side is consistent with which syndrome...Rodney?
J.D.'s narration: There was Katie, the self centered climber.
Katie: (whispering to Rodney) McConaughey's.
Rodney: McConaughey's?
J.D.: McConaughey is not a syndrome, he is however one of our finest working actors. I recently learned how I could lose him in ten days. Katie is sabotaging you, I assume, because she knows the answer.
Katie: Brown-Sequard Syndrome.
J.D.: (sarcastic enthusiasm) Yay, Katie got it.
You know, it's ironic that cancer starts with can because at this stage there's nothing we can do about it.
Denise
J.D.: (handing Ed's phone to the Janitor) Hey, wanna phone, buddy?
Janitor: (pressing some buttons and then sniffing it) No.
(to J.D.) Alright, listen, I want you to run some renal function tests on Mr. Hicks. Can you do that, or do you have more questions about my vagina?
Dr. Maddox
Dr. Cox: (to Carla) I know jerks. Hell, I married a jerk. I divorced a jerk.
J.D.: New freckle.
Dr. Cox: I'm interrupted by jerks. Look, just give me two minutes with this Maddox, and I'll know for sure whether or not she's a jerk.
J.D.: Ed! Stop texting.
Ed: I'm not texting. I'm looking at photos of Sienna Miller's breasts. There's a difference.
J.D.: Okay, we'll do that more later when we're together.
