Seinfeld Season 3 Episode 11: "The Alternate Side" Quotes
Kramer: I might have a whole new career on my hands, huh?
Jerry: You mean a career.
- Permalink: I might have a whole new career on my hands, huh? You mean a c...
Elaine: Seven dates is a face-to-face break up?
Jerry: If it was six I could have let you go, but seven, I'm afraid, is over the limit. Unless, of course, there was no sex.
Elaine: Hmm... how's the pasta over there?
- Permalink: Seven dates is a face-to-face break up? If it was six I could ...
(on Owen) I love being with him. I mean, I like being with him. It's okay being with him. (scene changes) I just don't enjoy being with him.Elaine
- Permalink: I love being with him. I mean, I like being with him. It's okay ...
Rental Agent: Alright. We have a blue Ford Escort for you Mr. Seinfeld. Would you like insurance?
Jerry: Yeah, you better give me the insurance, because I am gonna beat the hell out of this car.
- Permalink: Alright. We have a blue Ford Escort for you Mr. Seinfeld. Would ...
Elaine: (on Owen) You'd really like him.
Jerry: Why do people always say that? I hate everyone, why would I like him?
- Permalink: You'd really like him. Why do people always say that? I hate e...
Jerry: Owen March? I never heard of him.
Elaine: Well, he's not a baseball player.
- Permalink: Owen March? I never heard of him. Well, he's not a baseball pl...
Jerry: That's my car!
Car thief: I didn't know it was yours.
Jerry: What are you gonna do with it?
Car thief: I dunno, drive around.
Jerry: Then can I have it back?
Car thief: Hmmm, nah. I'm gonna keep it.
- Permalink: That's my car! I didn't know it was yours. What are you gonn...
Elaine: Guess who I bumped into. Owen.George: He's alright?Elaine: Yeah, he's almost fully recovered. He told me he was just using me for sex.
- Permalink: Yeah, he's almost fully recovered. He told me he was just using ...
These pretzels are making me thirsty!Jerry / Elaine / Kramer / George
- Permalink: These pretzels are making me thirsty!
Jerry: I don't understand. Do you have my reservation?Car Rental Assistant: We have your reservation, we just ran out of cars.Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here, that's why you have the reservation.Car Rental Assistant: I think I know why we have reservations.Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to TAKE the reservation, you just don't know how to HOLD the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.
- Permalink: The holding. Anybody can just take them.
(Opening monologue) Seems to me the way they design the car alarm is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous hysterical person. Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's aaaaaahhhhhhh! Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. Not everybody wants to draw that much attention to themselves, wouldn't it be nice if you could have a car alarm that was a little more subtle? You know, somebody tries to break in, it goes, Ahem. Ahem. Excuse me? I would like a car alarm like that.Jerry
- Permalink: Seems to me the way they design the car alarm is so that the car...
(Closing monologue) I think the best part of a relationship is when you're sick. And the best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship. And if I was to get married, you know all those vows; for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, all I need is the sickness. That, to me, is the most important one. Do you take this man in sickness? That's the only time I need somebody there. Rest of the time, go out, have a ball, do whatever you want, but if I get the sniffles, you better be there.Jerry
- Permalink: I think the best part of a relationship is when you're sick. And...