Attendant: You're not supposed to get up during the food service.
Elaine: Well, nobody told me that!

Jerry: Tia, did you see all the flowers in that bathroom? It's like an English garden in there.
Attendant: They're gardenias, mostly.
Jerry: I thought I smelled lilac.
Attendant: Yes, there are a few of those, too.
Tia: It's almost overwhelming.

Oh, look at this. He's sleeping and I have to go to the bathroom. Maybe he'll wake up soon. What if my kidneys burst? Is it worth it not to wake this man up to damage a major organ?

Elaine

Tia: Excuse me; I think you're in my seat.
Jerry: Oh, sorry. My mistake. (to himself) Thank you!

Attendant: Would you care for some slippers?
Jerry: Sounds lovely! (To Tia) May I?
Tia: Please! (puts slippers on her)
Jerry: Why, It's a perfect fit. You must be Cinderella.

(To herself, loudly to the guy next to her) Wake up, you human slug! Wake up! Wake up!!

Elaine

George: But you are, blanche. You are in the shackles!
Prisoner: You son of a (gets taken away)
George: (happily) Oh, I can't wait to read my Time magazine. Last copy too. Maybe I'll read it tomorrow, in the park! It's supposed to be a beeyoouutiful day! Have a nice life, sentence that is! Oh, you miserable

No-no-no, Kramer. Kramer! Kramer! You cannot abandon people in the middle of an airport pickup! It's a binding social contract. We we must go forward not back.

George

George: You don't understand, there's a blurb about me in this magazine!
Prisoner: A blurb?! You're a blurb! Check out the cover, idiot!
Guard: All right, let's go.
(George checks out the cover shot which shows a picture of the aforementioned prisoner with the caption "Caught!" written below.)

(stuck in traffic) How does it look on your side? (George just stares at him angrily) We'll get there.

Kramer

Bon voyage, Lainey!

Jerry

HEY!!
(the man wakes up in surprise)

</i> Elaine
  • Permalink:
  • Added:
Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 941 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

(to Elaine) It's one day. Half a day, really. I mean you subtract showers and meals, it's like twenty minutes.

Jerry

Yeah if you're exposed to gamma rays!

Jerry
×