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Larry: I'm running in the park now, I've lost weight, we're barbecuing every night and the rent is unbelievable.
George: We're really glad for you.
Elaine: Couldn't be happier.
Jerry: It's wonderful.

I go to visit my grandparents. They're having big brisket sandwiches; I'm sitting here with a carrot!

George

Kramer: Now, I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna borrow some tea. If I don't get back in five minutes, maybe you'd better call the police.
Jerry: OK, starting (looks at his watch)NOW!
Kramer: Yeah! (runs off)

(screaming) WHY DID I PUT UP TWO? WHY DID I PUT UP TWO?!!!

George

Excuse me, uh, I don't mean to cause any trouble here, but George, if you take it, can I take your place?

Elaine

Jerry: You could take it? You want it?
George: No, I don't want it. I want it, if you don't want it.
Jerry: So you do want it.
George: No I, I want it if you don't want it!
Jerry: You just said, you wanted it!

Elaine: Look! Look atlook at this! There's a garden.
George: A garden! I can't believe there's a garden!
Jerry: Would I have to get a gardener?
Elaine: Yeah, you can get a gardener.
Jerry: You tip him?

Jerry: How do you get all that wood in here?
Elaine: They deliver it.
Jerry: They deliver wood?
Elaine: Yeah.
Jerry: What da ya tip a "wood guy"?

Jerry: (to Elaine) You would still wanna move in here?
Elaine: Yes! You don't understand. I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent.

Jerry: (turns around and sees George) How did you get in here?
George: (does some hand and arm motions)

Well, I got caught up watching a soap opera The Bold and the Beautiful.

Kramer

Elaine: You should at least take a look at this place. You shouldn't have to live like this.
Jerry: Like this? You just said you wanted to live here.
Elaine: Well, for me it's a step up. It's like moving from Iceland to Finland.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 78 in total

Seinfeld Season 1 Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry