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Elaine: C'mon lets go, c'mon
Jerry: Was I supposed to bring something?
Elaine: You could have.
Jerry: I met her one time
Elaine: It is not necessary.

Elaine: Hi Pamela, you remember Jerry.
Pamela: Yes, we met.
Jerry: Hi, happy birthday.
Pamela: Ahh, everybody, this is Elaine and Jerry.
Guests: Hi!
Jerry: I didn't bring anything.

Vanessa: How big a tip do you think it'd take to get him to stop?
Jerry: I'm in for five.
Vanessa: I'll supply the hat.
Jerry: (to himself) Uh-oh. What do we have here?

Vanessa: Why don't you relax and take your jacket off?
Jerry: Oh, I can't. I have a tendency to get chilly.
Vanessa: How masculine.
Jerry: Plus I'm wearing short sleeves. I don't want to expose my tattoos.

(to himself) What's going on here? Gotta be her boyfriend, she's too good to be alone. What's the difference, I can't maneuver anyway with Elaine next to me.

Jerry

Imagine, spelling "Mom" with two O's.

Jerry

Jerry: "Quone"?
Helen: 3031
Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that.
(Jerry picks up the dictionary.)
Helen: 32
Kramer: No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a definite word.
Jerry: I am challenging.
Kramer: Quone. To quone something.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
(Jerry looks up the word.)
Helen: I'm not playing with you anymore.
Morty: Quone's not a word.
Jerry: No good. Sorry. There it is. Get it off.
Helen: (to Kramer) Why did you make me put that down?
Kramer: Nah, we need a medical dictionary! If a patient gets difficult, you quone him.

This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your bed!

Jerry

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

(to Jerry) I can't believe you want to bring in an extra bed for a woman who wants to sleep with you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too?!

George

Women know what men want,men know what men want. What do we want? We want women!

Jerry

Kramer (Kessler): You got any meat?
Jerry: Meat? I don't, I don't know, go hunt!

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 78 in total

Seinfeld Season 1 Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry