Seinfeld

Seinfeld Season 3 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 3 Episode 10: "The Stranded"

Jerry: Listen, George is going home with this Ava from his office.Elaine: Really? Huh. What a world. So we can go now?Jerry: Uh, no, he's taking the car.Elaine: Well, what are we gonna do for a ride?Jerry: I don't know.Elaine: You don't know?Jerry: Maybe Kramer can come pick us up.Elaine: Oh great, oh, this is great. How could you let him take the car?Jerry: There's nothing I could do, it's part of the code!
 • Rating: Unrated

George: The last time a woman said that [make love to me] to me I wound up apologizing to her.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I can't believe what's happening here. She hasn't taken her hands off me all night. She was always friendly around the office, but that was it!
Jerry: How do you account for this?
George: Maybe a safe fell on her head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Woman: I have lost my fianc! The poor baby!Elaine: (Australian accent) Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: You haven't won. You may think you've won, but you haven't won. Do you know why? It's not over. This is not over. I'm not forgetting what's happening here. You have my ten dollars. I will get it back. Alright, don't worry. It's not over. I'm going now. Good bye. I will be back.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Every day is a date.Jerry: That's one of Dante's nine stages of hell, isn't it?
 • Rating: Unrated

George: You got aloe? I love aloe.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.
 • Rating: Unrated

Party Guest: So what do you do?
Jerry: I'm a comedian.
Party Guest: Are you? Let me ask you something. Where do you get your material?
Jerry: I hear a voice.
Party Guest: What kind of voice?
Jerry: A man's voice, but he speaks in German so I have to get a translator.
Party Guest: How come you keep tapping your head?
Jerry: It's a nervous tic. I'm on L-Dopa.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Every time I go to the bathroom I pass her desk. I have to plan little patter. I spend half my day writing. Then afterwards, I sit in my office and analyze how it went. If it was a good conversation, I don't go to the bathroom for the rest of the day.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Now listen, let's keep an eye on each other tonight. In case one of us gets in a bad conversation, we should have a signal that you're in trouble so the other one can get us out of it.
Elaine: How old are you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 9: "The Nose Job"

Kramer: You're as pretty as those girls, you just need a nose job!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: It's like my brain is facing my penis in a chess game. And I'm letting him win.
George: You're not letting him win. He wins till you're forty.
Jerry: Then what?
George: He still wins but it's not a blowout.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: It's like going to the bathroom in front of a whole bunch of people and not caring.Jerry: It's not like that at all!
 • Rating: Unrated

George: I'm going straight to hell, no two ways about it.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Very exciting, very exciting, it's like watching a birth!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Isabel? She is the most despicable woman I have ever met in my life. I have never been so repulsed by someone mentally and so attracted to them physically at the same time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: You got butchered.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Landlord: (on Babs) The woman used to walk around here half naked, sucking Colt .45 from a can. Her big fat stomach hanging out, orthopedic hose up to her knees, screaming down the hall, 'Come back to bed, Albert, you big hairy ape, and bring back that box of Danish!'
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Where'd you meet her?
Jerry: I met her on an elevator.
George: On an elevator? You met a woman on an elevator?
Jerry: Impossible, right?
George: You got less than 60 seconds. It's like dismantling a time bomb.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Seinfeld" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!