Because I'm like ice, buddy. When I don't like you, you've got problems.

Kramer

George: You're gonna have to go to the bathroom!
Mike: You're gonna have to go to work!
George: I don't have a job!
Mike: Neither do I!

I'm not saying anything, I'm putting it in the vault, I'm locking the vault. It's a vault!

Jerry

I like the button fly. That is one place on my wardrobe I do not need sharp interlocking metal teeth. It's a mink trap down there.

Jerry

I hopped a steam boat to Sweden.

Kramer

Kramer: You're sure you don't want me to take my clothes off? 'Cause I'll do it.
Nina: No, that's the last thing in the world I want you to do.
Kramer: Well why don't you take your clothes off?

Jerry: How are you feeling?
Kramer: Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. (to Elaine) How're you, Carroll?
*later*
George: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: Hi Mike.

Jerry: I have to go meet Nina. You want to come to her loft, check out her paintings?
George: I don't get art.
Jerry: There's nothing to get.
George: No, it always has to be explained to me, and then I have to have someone explain the explanation.
Jerry: She does a lot of abstract stuff. In fact she's painting Kramer right now.

Jerry: (picks up Nina's painting George bought) And by the way, can you get this thing outta my house?
George: Tell you what; I'll make a deal with you. I'll sell it to you right now for ten bucks.

Mrs. Armstrong: (on The Kramer) I sense great vulnerability. A land child crying out for love; an innocent orphan in the post-modern world.
Mr. Armstrong: I see a parasite. A sexually-depraved miscreant, who is seeking to gratify only his most basic and immediate urges.

(Jerry and Nina are watching TV)
Jerry: Don't go in there, you're gonna get shot.
(Gunshot on TV)
Jerry: I told you.

He's finished! I'm going to sew his ass to his face! I'm going to twist his neck so hard his lips will be his eyebrows! I'm going to break his joints, and reattach them!

Michael

Seinfeld Season 3 Quotes

George: A man gave me a massage.
Jerry: So?
George: So he had his hands and, uh, he was
Jerry: He was what?
George: He was touching and rubbing.

Raymond: (massaging George's hamstring) How did you do this?
George: (VERY tense) Do what?
Raymond: How did you hurt your hamstring?
George: (quickly) I dunno
Raymond: You don't know?
George: I dunno
Raymond: Okay, where did this happen?
George: (Quickly again) Korea.
Raymond: Korea?
George: Korea.
Raymond: You hurt yourself in Korea?
George: I dunno.