Seinfeld

Seinfeld Season 3 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 3 Episode 16: "The Fix-Up"

George: She missed her period? Oh, my God. I can't believe it! I'm a father! I did it! MY BOYS CAN SWIM!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Cynthia thought we should nuke the rainforest, get rid of it in one sweep, just so we can eliminate it as a topic of conversation.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: (breaking up a fight between Jerry and George) The next one of you that opens up your mouth and says something, you're gonna have to deal with me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: (breaking up Jerry and Elaine's fight) Can't you two see that you're in LOVE with each other?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 15: "The Suicide"

Jerry: Hello Newman.
 • Rating: Unrated

Newman: Is that Drake's Coffee Cake?
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: I wonder what Gandhi ate before he fasted.Jerry: I heard he used to polish off a box of Triscuits.Elaine: Really?Jerry: Oh yeah, Gandhi loved Triscuits.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Let me ask you something. How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma, before you can ask his ex-girlfriend out?Kramer: Gina? Why wait? Why not just call Dr. Kevorkian?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jerry: It's not like a Sonny Von Bulow coma.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elaine: Hey, have you ever fasted?
Jerry: Well, once I didn't have dinner until, like nine o'clock. That was pretty rough.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: Hey, I'm all set. I got the ticket. I'm going to the Cayman Islands this Friday.
Jerry: I don't get you. Who goes on vacation without a job? What, do you need a break from getting up at 11:00?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gina: A man is lying here unconscious and you're afraid of him? What kind of a man are you?
Jerry: A man who respects a good coma.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: You know I don't get that whole suicide machine. There's no tall buildings where these people live? They can't wrap their lips around a revolver like a normal person?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: What kind of a man are you? The guy is unconscious in a coma and you don't have the guts to kiss his girlfriend?
Jerry: I didn't know what the coma etiquette was.
 • Rating: Unrated

George: A plane crash? A heart attack? Lupus?! Is it lupus?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: I can't commit to a woman. I'm not committing to an airline.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: The thing I don't understand about the suicide person is the people who try and commit suicide for some reason they don't die and that's it. They stop trying. Why? Why don't they just keep trying? What has changed? Is their life any better now? No. In fact it's worse because now they've found out one more thing you stink at. Okay, that's why these people don't succeed in life to begin with. Because they give up too easy. I saw, pills don't work, try a rope. Car won't start in the garage, get a tune up. You know what I mean? There's nothing more rewarding than reaching a goal you have set for yourself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerry: Hey, do me a favour will ya? Throw out my garbage for me.
George: Yeah, right.
Jerry: Come on, it's just down the hall.
George: Give me two bucks. I'll do it for two bucks.
Jerry: I'll give you 50 cents.
George: There's no way I touch that bag for less than two dollars.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gina: Come on.
Jerry: In my pajamas? I better get my robe.
Gina: We don't have enough time.
Jerry: It'll take two seconds.
Gina: There is no time.
Jerry: We don't have two seconds?
Gina: All right. Go ahead.
Jerry: Nah, forget it.
Gina: No, go ahead.
Jerry: Nah. I'll just wear the pajamas.
Gina: Will you just get it.
Jerry: Are you sure?
Gina: Forget it. Come on.
Jerry: Nah, I'll go get the robe.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kramer: Did you hear about Martin?
Jerry: Yeah, I heard.
Kramer: I can't believe he's in a coma. He's got my vacuum cleaner. You know I loaned it to him. He never returned it. The carpets are filthy. What am I going to do?
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Seinfeld" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!