Sex and the City

Sex and the City Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 12: "Oh Come All Ye Faithful"

Carrie: So you think the water serves as a retro baptism kind of thing?
Miranda: Beats me! If I'd known he was Catholic I never would've have gone out with him in the first place. They should make him wear a sign.
 • Rating: Unrated

Miranda: He goes to church with his mother? That can't be good.
Charlotte: Oh don't listen to her. A man who cares about his mother makes a wonderful husband.
Carrie: I think it's sweet.
Miranda: Sure, all religions are sweet, till you get to that shower-after-sex phase.
Charlotte: Oh my God! Is he still doing that?
Miranda: Please, it's amazing he has any skin left.
Carrie: Well, have you tried taking a shower with him?
Miranda: No! I'm afraid he'll pull out a garlic and a cross.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Samantha: Ladies, I have an announcement, but, please, don't laugh.
Miranda: What?
Samantha: I'm in love.
Miranda: What?
Carrie: Samantha, uttering those words to us, was an event as unfathomable as Moses parting the Red Sea.
 • Rating: Unrated

Samantha: I'd totally given up on the idea, that you can actually talk to men.
Carrie: Hey, don't spread that around.
Samantha: Before James, all my conversations consisted of two sentences, give it to me, and go home.
 • Rating: Unrated

Samantha: I owe it all to Charlotte.
Charlotte: Me, what did I do?
Samantha: All that bull s**t you spout about not sleeping with men right away, actually, paid off. I mean if I'd f**ked James already, who knows where we'd be......
Miranda: Wait, you haven't had sex yet?
Samantha: Soon. You know, I think he is someone I can actually marry.
 • Rating: Unrated

Big: What relgion are you?
Carrie: I'm no one in particular, I'm open to all.
Big: Kinda, like a seven eleven.
 • Rating: Unrated

Miranda: Look at how crowded it is, what a sham.
Carrie: Will you lighten up? It's a Presbyterian church, not a Catholic one.
Miranda: Whatever! Catholics, Buddhists, Shakers, Quakers, all the same, all design to f**k up our sex life.
Carrie (hands her a bible) Here pray.
 • Rating: Unrated

Miranda: Here they come, let's make a break for it.
Carrie: No, they saw me, I can't just pray and run.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carrie: He introduced me to his mother as a friend, she never heard of me.
Miranda: Maybe, they're not that close.
Carrie: Don't lie, you're in a church.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlotte: Hey, there you are, we've been looking for you everywhere.
Carrie: So how's everything?
Miranda: She means have you and James done it yet?
Samantha: Uumm!
 • Rating: Unrated

Samantha is crying
Carrie: What's going on, why are you crying?
Samantha: James has a small d**k.
Carrie: Well, it's not the end of the world.
Samantha: It's really small.
Miranda: How small?
Samantha: Too small.
Carrie: Well, size isn't everything....
Samantha: Three inches.....
Carrie: Well....
Samantha: Hard!
Charlotte: Is he a good kisser?
Samantha: Oh, who the f**k cares! His d**k is like a gherkin!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Miranda: Don't beat yourself up, you had certain expectations, and your disappointed.
Samantha: Why? Why? Why does he have a small d**k? I really like him.
Miranda: I thought you loved him?
Samantha: Well..shrugs shoulders
 • Rating: Unrated

Carrie: Oh, look we've all been there.
Miranda: That's for sure. I was once with a guy the size of those little miniature golf pencils, I couldn't tell if he was trying to f**k me or erase me.
(Carrie starts laughing and Samantha begins to cry)
Carrie: I'm sorry...it's just...it's funny.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Miranda: Let's not lose perspective here, there are ways to work around this.
Samantha: Well, I don't wanna work around it. I love a big d**k, I love it inside of me, I love looking at it, I love everything about it. When I blow him, it's like, shrugs shoulders.....nothing
Miranda: Well, can you talk to him about it?
Samantha: It's the only thing we can't talk about.
Charlotte: How is he with his tongue?
 • Rating: Unrated

Miranda: You wanna spend the night?
Skipper: The night, the whole night?
Miranda: Yea, the whole night.
Skipper: I knew we'd get back together.
Miranda: You did?
Skipper: Yep! Every night I'd light a candle and say a little pray.
Miranda: You're a freak!
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlotte: So, which church does his mother go to?
Carrie: Park Avenue Presbyterian.
Charlotte: Good church! It's one of the best on the East Side!
Carrie: What? Are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that?
Miranda: Four stars. Great bread. Disappointing wine selection.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carrie: There he was, wearing Armani on a Sunday: Mr. Big. I'll admit it was a bit of a shock [to see him going to church]. Up until that moment I thought he only believed in the Yankees.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 11: "The Drought"

Miranda: Three times? Try three months.
Carrie: No?
Miranda: Yes. Now would be a good time to wipe that horrible look off your face.
Carrie: I'm sorry sweetie, I just, I didn't know. Where have I been?
Miranda: You've been having sex. I've been at Blockbuster renting videos. It's tragic. I'm like two rentals away from a free pound of gummy bears.
Carrie: Relax, you're just in a dry spell.
Miranda: I can't believe you just said that. You're all freaked out about three times. I'm talking three months.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carrie: I farted. I farted in front of my boyfriend...
Miranda: And?
Carrie: And we're no longer having sex. And he thinks of me as one of the boys. And I'm gonna have to move to another city where the shame of this won't follow me.
Miranda: You farted, you're human.
Carrie: I don't want him to know that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carrie: Is it normal to be in the same bed and not do it?
Miranda: I guess, it depends on what's normal for you?
Carrie: Oh God, I hate that. Who am I to know what's normal? I've been dating a hundred years. I haven't a clue.
Miranda: Well, three months is not normal for me. One month was interesting. Two months was numbing. Three months, I'm going out of my mind.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Sex and the City" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!