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Happy thanksgiving, that's a nice hickey, go wash up.

Fiona [to Ian]

I don't wanna be me anymore.


Karen: Is this about you sleeping with Jody?
Sheila: What? No! Yes! You know about that? Honey I'm so sorry I didn't mean to, it was an accident.
Karen: An accident? Where his penis just slipped into your vagina?

Alright you gotta get me out of this car, I'm getting too horned up.


Here's the thing Fiona, I wanna be with you but I'm not one of those kids you can boss around. I'm sorry but now I gotta go pick up my wife's boyfriend.


Also you never use toilet paper on your dick after you take a piss. Tap the end, let the drops fall off, flush.

Lip [to unborn son]

Little Hank's being raised by wolves.


Ian: Mom's bipolar Debs.
Debbie: Like the North Pole and the South Pole?

Thank you for this food that we are about to eat, thank you for bringing my Monica back to me, and please make my brother clayton burn in all eternity when the time comes. Amen.

Frank [saying Grace]
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