Hey, I need to borrow your car. Ian just stole a baby.

Lip [to Amanda]

What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to sit on my porch knitting, hoping one day you'd show back up. You disappeared. Gone. Nothing.

Fiona [to Jimmy/Steve]

Mickey: Where'd you get this?
Ian: From the producer of the movie.
Mickey: What movie?
Ian: I did a porno.
Mickey: You did a what?

Lip: You got married?
Fiona: Yeah.
Lip: Fuck. To who?
Fiona: Gus.
Lip: Who the fucks Gus?
Fiona: I've mentioned him before.
Lip: Yeah in passing. Jesus, married? Are you happy or---
Fiona: Do I seem happy?

South side, huh? Fucking knew it. College bitch.

Mickey [to Lip]

I'm just as fucking south side as you are.

Lip [to Mickey]

Could you call me Dad?

Wade [to Frank]

Thanks for the liver, kid. Here's to you.

Frank

Still don't want your family to know? Nothing says no regrets like hiding it from those you love.

Sean [to Fiona]

Gallagher's don't do announcements at dinner. We do blackouts, suicide attempts, but never blackouts.

Debbie

Your boyfriend's losing his shit.

Svetlana [to Mickey]

Mickey: What's wrong, Frank?
Frank: Searching the deepest recess's of my memory, looking for a clue to the whereabouts of a lost fucking fortune.

Shameless Quotes

Lip: What exactly does hooked up mean?
Kevin: Last I checked penis goes into the vagina.

Surround sound bitching is the only thanks I get.

Frank