Customer: Where's my change?
Svetlana: In tip jar.
Customer: I didn't ask to tip $5.
Svetlana: Exactly.

Debbie: Where's your house?
Queenie: My tent's right up there.
Debbie: Your tent?

Caleb: I'm HIV positive.
Ian: I have bipolar.

I watch chocolate vanilla babies for small fee.

Svetlana

Sean: Does Frank still have that hippy over there?
Fiona: Yeah, doing who knows what.

What's a King without a Queenie by his side?

Frank

I just got us the house back. I'm not getting booted out.

Fiona

You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.

Queenie

Hey Drew, I want that delivery here in an hour. If not, somebody's going to get docked.

Carl

No mass murders kids!

Kevin

She wasn't taking advantage of me. We're in love!

Lip

Carl: Can't stay messed up about that bike forever.
Nick: It's not going to be forever.

Shameless Quotes

We’re all addicts Fiona, trying to fill a void. Some of us are just better at hiding it, right?

Robbie

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.