Customer: Where's my change?
Svetlana: In tip jar.
Customer: I didn't ask to tip $5.
Svetlana: Exactly.

Debbie: Where's your house?
Queenie: My tent's right up there.
Debbie: Your tent?

Caleb: I'm HIV positive.
Ian: I have bipolar.

I watch chocolate vanilla babies for small fee.

Svetlana

Sean: Does Frank still have that hippy over there?
Fiona: Yeah, doing who knows what.

What's a King without a Queenie by his side?

Frank

I just got us the house back. I'm not getting booted out.

Fiona

You could do things with your tongue that would make a rattlesnake blush.

Queenie

Hey Drew, I want that delivery here in an hour. If not, somebody's going to get docked.

Carl

No mass murders kids!

Kevin

She wasn't taking advantage of me. We're in love!

Lip

Carl: Can't stay messed up about that bike forever.
Nick: It's not going to be forever.

Shameless Quotes

Get your ass up you goddamn ponytail Fabio motherfucker.

Sheila

Sean: You took your monitor off yourself.
Fiona: So?
Sean: So, you should have waited for the P.O. and you know it.
Fiona: That's a technicality. You're gonna judge me for that?
Sean: No, I'm not gonna judge you for that. I find it charming as fuck that you took a screwdriver to your monitor. And I find it sexy as hell that you had a bloody lip before lunch today.
Fiona: Are you making fun of me?
Sean: No. It's just you're a chaos junkie, Fiona. And I'm a junkie, junkie. So I love chaos. And when I get into chaos, bad shit follows.