I can't offer you much. But what I can do is be your chauffeur and the limousine ride to the pearly gates.

Frank [to Bianca]

No, just mentally ill.

Ian [to Sammi]

V: I want the old Kev back. The one who looked at me like the world stopped spinning.
Fiona: He's there. He's just preoccupied.

Fuck you! I'm 32, I was just getting started. Fuck you pancreas! Fuck you cells! Fuck you med school! Fuck you!

Bianca

Bianca: You ever streak before?
Frank: Many times. Just never on purpose.

You think you scare me? Bring it bitch.

Carl [to Sammi]

Fiona: What if he shows remorse?
Carl: What's that?
Fiona: It means you say you're sorry.
Carl: I'm not.

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Sucks to be you! College is so much better without school!

Kev [to Lip]

Frank: Eh, it's a tragedy when a young man ends up behind prison bars.
Fiona: Bad parenting.
Frank: Oh, don't blame yourself.

Fiona: Spare me, Sammi. Your kid did not get arrested because of me.
Sammi: Cause of your thug brother. In one fell swoop, you Gallagher's managed to ruin his whole future.
Fiona: Lets be honest, Chuckie was not exactly destined for great things. Pack your shit and get out.

Hey uncle Carl! I didn't know we were going to be neighbors. Will you tell me a story?

Chuckie

Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.

Mickey [to Ian]

Shameless Quotes

Lip: What exactly does hooked up mean?
Kevin: Last I checked penis goes into the vagina.

Surround sound bitching is the only thanks I get.

Frank