Ian: I confronted Caleb about that chick. He's screwing her.
Lip: I guess there's something to be said for honesty. Right?
Ian: Except, he says he's not cheating.
Lip: How did he come up with that reasoning?
Ian: He says if it were a guy, then he'd be cheating.

Set 'em up, bar keep. My liver's been on vacation and I got a months worth of drinking to catch up on.


Your thing is kinda weird. It has all this extra skin and it freaks me out.


Denise, not Dennis. She's married with kids.


Sweet baby mother of Jesus, John Doe is alive!


You want to get shit faced in the middle of the day. Vodka's best. Believe me. I know. I'm Russian.


It's a brave new world, Fiona.


Debbie: I don't even think I'm coming.
Fiona: To my wedding?

Are you wearing cologne?


They call it distance learning. Know what I call it? Discrimination.


You have no money yet you're going into a grocery store. Interesting.


Debbie: I want to learn.
Teacher: Okay, here's a lesson: use condoms.

Shameless Quotes

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.

We’re all addicts Fiona, trying to fill a void. Some of us are just better at hiding it, right?