I'm probably biased, you deserve better than him.

Gus [to Fiona]

Sammi: If you don't get out right now, I will shoot you.
Frank: Go ahead. You don't have the guts.

Carl: You owe me. You my slave now. When I text you, you run.
Chuckie: Okay, Uncle Carl.

Watch out sixth grade. Third time's a charm.


Carl: You should quit while you're ahead.
Debbie: He'll out-Frank ya every time.

Fiona: No, I have to tell you something.
Gus: What's wrong?
Fiona: I slept with my ex.
Gus: You slept with...Since we've been married?
Fiona: Yesterday.
Gus: We had sex yesterday.

You did okay, Mickey. You know, you tried. That's a lot more than most people would do.


Lip: Hey. You Gus?
Gus: Yeah.
Lip: Hey, I'm Lip. Brother. Don't fuck this up cuz she's really great, alright?

Jimmy/Steve: Do you love him?
Fiona: You don't get to ask me that.
Jimmy/Steve: I love you.
Fiona: Fuck you.

Alright shithead, this is like the two hundredth time I'm calling and you not picking up. I'm starting to get fucking homicidal. Call me the fuck back, Ian. I'm worried about you. I love you. Call me back.


Lip: What the fuck is he doing here?
Fiona: I have no idea.
Jimmy/Steve: Hey Lip, how you been?
Lip: I thought you were married?
Fiona: I am.
Sami: You're married?
Fiona: Uh huh.
Debbie: What? To who?
Lip: To Gus.
Carl: The musician?
Sami: Is that Gus?
Debbie: No, that's Jimmy.
Sami: Who's Jimmy?
Debbie: Her old boyfriend.
Sami: Then who's Gus?

Hey, I need to borrow your car. Ian just stole a baby.

Lip [to Amanda]

Shameless Quotes

Cuz when you focus on other people's problems, it's a lot easier to ignore your own.

Sean [to Fiona]

Lip: What exactly does hooked up mean?
Kevin: Last I checked penis goes into the vagina.