South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralPopular South Park Quotes
The dragons are still just on their way! They keep promising dragons, but all I get are more floppy weiners in my face!
Butters Stotch
George R.R. Martin: It's the Red Wedding, isn't it? You hate how I killed everyone off?
Butters Stotch: Uh, no sir, we just really need to know about the dragons, but they never seem to show up.
George R.R. Martin: Oh, they're coming; the dragons are on their way.
Butters Stotch: When?
George R.R. Martin: You really wanna know?
Butters Stotch: Please, it's urgent!
George R.R. Martin: All right. King Joffrey is still at King's Landing, but there is a young blacksmith who wakes up one morning with a plan. And his weiner gently hangs down between his legs, soft and flaccid, his weiner glistens in the golden sunlight...
Butters Stotch: No! No! Can we just skip the weiner stuff and just get to the dragons?
Scott Malkinson: [winces painfully] Aw shit, I think I'm... I think I'm gonna faint.
Kim Kardashian is a short overweight woman, who manipulates her image and makes average girls feel horrible about themselves... In real life, Kim Kardashian has the body of a hobbit.
Wendy
There have been malicious rumors started at this elementary school that my beautiful fiancee is a hobbit. That is not funny and it is not true. Yes, she is heavier than most of her pictures show her to be. Yes, she gets her hair lasered off her body and yes, she has a friend named Gandalf, who happens to be a wizard.
Stan
Okay, listen up! We have the obligation to make this thing right and tell people what is and what isn't safe to eat. We are the USDA! Without us people would be eating dirt and chairs!
USDA Leader
Radio Host: Now, this party is also for a good cause, because it's to honor a little boy with diabetes, Scott Malcomson. Is that correct?
Eric Cartman: Yeah, you know, diabetes affects us all, but it mostly affects Scott Malcomson.
Lorde represents something in all of us. A truth that wants to be heard.
Sharon
He is not a girl. He is not a man. He is something you will understand. But he would die for me.
Butters
I am Lorde.
Randy
We have a problem with cis-gingers who are intolerant … We call them cis-ies!
Cartman
If I could talk to Lorde … I’d tell her not to let people change who she is. If people are making fun of her, it’s probably because they’ve lost touch with being human.
Sharon
I don’t wanna use the girls’ bathroom if anyone can use it. It’s gonna be all crowded.
Cartman
