South Park Season 5 Episode 6: "Cartmanland" Quotes
Cartman: That's right! You stay out!
Stan: You can't keep us out forever, you f[bleep]ing fatass! We'll be back as soon as Kyle's hemorrhoid is better!
- Permalink: That's right! You stay out! You can't keep us out forever, y...
Stan: Dude can you loan me 20 bucks for a new jacket?
Cartman: Ha! If you need money you can get a job Stan. No freeloaders are gonna take my hard earned cash.
Kyle: Your grandma left it to you, you didn't earn it!
Cartman: Didn't earn it? What about all those years I spent making grandma like me? All the wet spit filled kisses I put up with. The constant smell of asprin and pee. Don't tell me I didn't earn it you son of a bitch!
- Permalink: Dude can you loan me 20 bucks for a new jacket? Ha! If you nee...
...And, since the stupid security guard needs video surveillance, I have to let in two more people a day to cover those expenses... Need to cover the new ticket guy's salary, so that's three more admissions a day... Cleanup crew for the bathroom, money to cover paint and upkeep, so that's about four admissions, that brings the grand total to... God-dammit! Eight hundred and sixteen people can come into the park today!
- Permalink: ...And, since the stupid security guard needs video surveillance...
Priest Maxi: Eric, God could sure use that money for a bigger church.
Cartman: Huh, I think God has plenty of money.
- Permalink: Eric, God could sure use that money for a bigger church. Huh, ...
Agent: I'm Frank Garrett with the IRS. You haven't kept records of your income or payout, and there's a five hundred thousand dollar discrepancy. Seize the assets. (they grab money)
Cartman: H-Hey, that's my money!
Agent: There's also the lawsuit of the little boy who died in your park. The family's entitled to the rest of this. [takes the rest of the money]
Cartman: What? Kenny? He dies all the time!
- Permalink: I'm Frank Garrett with the IRS. You haven't kept records of your...
(after hearing the story of Job in the Bible)
Kyle: That's the most horrible story I've ever heard. Why would God do such a horrible thing to a good person just to prove a point to Satan?
Gerald: Oh. Uh, I don't know.
Kyle: Then I was right. Job has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.
- Permalink: That's the most horrible story I've ever heard. Why would God do...
Little Boy: Daddy, Daddy can we ride the rockets?
Cartman: GOD DAMMIT, GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY WAY!
- Permalink: Daddy, Daddy can we ride the rockets? GOD DAMMIT, GET THE F*CK...
Dude are you from Mars or something?
- Permalink: Dude are you from Mars or something?
I'm afraid that the hemorrhoid has spread to his lungs.Doctor
- Permalink: I'm afraid that the hemorrhoid has spread to his lungs.