South Park

South Park "Cartmanland" Quotes

Cartman: That's right! You stay out!
Stan: You can't keep us out forever, you f[bleep]ing fatass! We'll be back as soon as Kyle's hemorrhoid is better!
 • Rating: Unrated

Executor: (reading will) For you, Eric, I leave from my life savings, the sum of one million dollars, to be transferred to you immediately.
Cartman: Whosa-jigga-wha?
 • Rating: Unrated

(playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: There you are, Jennifer Lopez! You've been most uncooperative, Ms. Lopez.
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, please! I promise I'll never make another album or movie!
Stan: It's too late for that, Ms. Lopez.
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Have mercy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: (to God) Why? How could you do this? There are people starving in Alabama and, and you give Cartman a million dollars?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Doctor: I'm afraid that the hemorrhoid has spread to his lungs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Dude are you from Mars or something?
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (crying while on his Logride) I'm so happy!
 • Rating: Unrated

(after hearing the story of Job in the Bible)
Kyle: That's the most horrible story I've ever heard. Why would God do such a horrible thing to a good person just to prove a point to Satan?
Gerald: Oh. Uh, I don't know.
Kyle: Then I was right. Job has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Agent: I'm Frank Garrett with the IRS. You haven't kept records of your income or payout, and there's a five hundred thousand dollar discrepancy. Seize the assets. (they grab money)
Cartman: H-Hey, that's my money!
Agent: There's also the lawsuit of the little boy who died in your park. The family's entitled to the rest of this. [takes the rest of the money]
Cartman: What? Kenny? He dies all the time!
 • Rating: Unrated

Priest Maxi: Eric, God could sure use that money for a bigger church.
Cartman: Huh, I think God has plenty of money.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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