South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Chef: (after lights come back on) Is everybody okay?? That sounded like a gunshot!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, my god! Look!
(Everybody sees Mephesto's body, which has been shot at.)
Kenny: (mumbling) Oh my god, they killed Mephesto!
Kyle: You bastard!

I just thought of something! Oh no wait, that's subtraction.

Officer Barbrady

Greenfield: This story's got everything: people, furniture, talking! It's a real American story!

John Walsh: We seem to have lost our link up to the South Park crew, so I guess we'll going to our feature movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Narrator: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Was it- Jimbo? Mr. Garrison? Chef?

Cartman: Hey, who's screwing with the lights?!
Narrator: Who IS screwing with the lights? Is it: Barbrady? Or Jimbo? Or the 1991 Denver Broncos?
Cartman: (to Kenny) That is really starting to piss me off!

Greenfield: Great! We'll get started with auditions immediately. What part should we cast first?
Announcer 1: Who will the director cast first? Will it be Mr. Garrison? Officer Barbrady, Chef?

Mayor: My God, what a harrowing tale of human drama this is. All of us doing what we must to survive.
Jimbo: It is amazing what people can do under stress. Just look at the pyramids. Nobody knows how they built those. Or who.
Narrator: Who built the pyramids? Was it- the Babylonians? Officer Barbrady? Samaritans?

Cartman: (after learning who his father is) Oh... Man, this is ****ing weak...
Stan: Dude! You're a big fatass, and your mom's a hermapholite!
Mrs. Cartman: I'm sorry I never told you, Eric... I just thought, maybe it would be a little shocking to you.
Cartman: (sarcastically) Oh, well, gee whiz! You think so, Mom??
Mephesto: Well, that's that. Thank you all for playing.
Cartman: No no, wait a minute! Wait! If... If she's my dad, then...who's my mom?!
Announcer: Who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it: Mrs. Crabtree? Sheila Broflovski? The Mayor?
Cartman: AAH, FORGET IT!!!

Jimbo: Well, looks like we're not going anywhere for a long time.
Director: We're snowed in?
Mayor: Yes! We're trapped!
Mr. Garrison: Like sailors on a submarine...
Mayor: My god, this is the worst storm I have ever seen!
Director's Assistant: Oh, I have to get out of here; I haven't eaten since breakfast.
Officer Barbrady: Yeah, I'm getting kind of hungry, too!
Jimbo: I hope you all don't realize what we're facing here... Our only option might be to...eat each other to stay alive.
(Everybody in the building gasps in horror.)
Director: Uh... It's only been, like, four hours... Aren't you people resorting to cannablism a little quickly?
Jimbo: That's a while to live, Mr. Director. I don't eat plenty, but if some of us must die so the rest can stay alive so be it.
Mayor: But...how do we decide who?
Jimbo: Well, we'll draw straws...
Director: Now, wait just a minute! You've all had a big breakfast! Can't you people live without eating for a while??
Jimbo: Calm down, soldier! We need every person here to keep his head! Barbrady, fetch some straws.
Director: Well, who the hell made you the boss, anyway??
Announcer: Who the hell made Jimbo boss? Was it: Officer Barbrady? Chef? Mr. Garrison?

Displaying quotes 13 - 21 of 21 in total

South Park Season 2 Episode 2 Quotes

Jimbo: Alright, so far everyone has a long piece of straw. We'll keep drawing
(Jimbo picks a piece of straw.)
Jimbo: (relieved) Whew!
(Mr. Garrison picks a piece of straw.)
Mr. Garrison: (relieved) Whew!
(Officer Barbrady looks at the last piece of straw in his hands.)
Officer Barbrady: Whew.
Jimbo: Wait a minute! Where the hell is the short one??
Officer Barbrady: The short what?
Jimbo: Damn it, Barbrady! When you draw straws, you're supposed to have one of them short! That's how you decide who loses!
Officer Barbrady: That's not how I played it
Mr. Garrison: Oooh, can we hurry this up? My stomach is growling

Chef: Doctor, we've got a shot-cracker outside!
Doctor: I'll be right with you in a minute, right after I inject this man with a long needle.
Stan: Oh, man. I'm gonna be sick...
Doctor: There there, young man. Medical science is nothing to be afraid of. (injects the needle and Stan groans)
Nurse: Ooh, I think you're hitting the bone...
(Stan groans again.)
Doctor: Yes, I can feel the needle scraping in there.
(The patient starts bleeding.)
Doctor: Oop! He's hemorrhaging.
(Blood lands near Stan as he leaps away and shrieks; the patients head then falls off.)
Doctor: Oop! His head fell off!
Stan: (running away) I'm getting outta here!
Kyle: Stan!
Doctor: Well, some people just have a weak stomach.