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South-park

Kyle: Kenny ate all the mints, dad.
Gerald: Oh, those weren't mints, those were antacid tablets.
Kyle: oh...
Kyle & Stan: KENNY!
(Kenny drinks water then explodes)

(to Kenny, who's eating a bowl of mints)
Kyle: Look, Kenny, I know your family's poor, but you cant just eat a bowl of mints for dinner...
Kenny: (Muffled) Well, f**k you.(Flips Kyle off)

Wendy: Cartman, why don't you just go home. You aren't helping any.
Cartman: You won't let me help.
Wendy: That's because you're stupid and you're a racist.
Cartman: ...touch.

Jimbo: (Spying on the Klan) Alright. Let's sneak in quietly.
Ned: Okay.
Jimbo: Dammit Ned, doesn't that thing have a volume control?
Ned: No.

Chef: Hey, Mackey! Sign up to march on Wednesday?
Mr. Mackey: Oh, Wednesday? Wednesday's tough. I guess- maybe I could do somethin' uh, Thursday afternoon.
Chef: Alright, fudge it, Thursday. Anyone else wanna go Thursday?
Principal Victoria: Thursday's no good, we've got choir council.
Mr. Mackey: Oh, yeah.
Principal Victoria: What about next Sunday?
Chef: Fine! Next Sunday!
Man 1: You mean, during the ball game?
Man 2: Oh, yeah. We can't do Sunday.
Chef: Monday??
Principal Victoria: Oh, I can't do Monday.
Man: I could do Tuesday.
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, Tuesday morning's good.
Woman: You know what would be better for me is Saturday afternoon.
Man 2: Saturday is perfect for me.
Principal Victoria: Yeah. How about Saturday at 11:30?
Woman: Yeah.
Man 3: That sounds good.
Man 2: Yep.
Mr. Mackey: Yeah, I think that's the best day.
Chef: Okay! On Saturday, we march!
Man 2: Oh, march? What are we marching for?
Chef: To bring down the South Park Flag!
(People start walking away)
Man: Oh, I gotta go.

Jimbo: Chef, what about the baseball team, the Cleveland Indians, huh? Should they change their name because it's racist?
Chef: Yeah!
Jimbo: No!

Sheila: Mr. Garrison! You're a Klan member?
Mr. Garrison: No! No, but Mr. Hat is.

(to Wendy) Whoa! Calm down hoe.

Cartman

People are gonna' start saying that the Denver Broncos are offensive to horses and then we'll have to SQUIRREL! (shoots down squirrel) Then we'll have to change everything.

Jimbo
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