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South-park

Actor: (singing) Why not use a trick we actors use, cover your eyes and ears to see what it would be like to be blind and deaf. See what plays inside your mind.
(Cartman does so and it is followed by a montage of horrific scenes, the holocaust, someone on fire, grizzly operations, a dead rat being eaten by another rat, etc.)
Cartman: (takes off blindfold and ear muffs) WHOA!
Actor: Anything useful?
Cartman: No, just the stuff i usually see when I close my eyes.

Producer: What the hell is that?
Cartman: Thats Gobbles. The physically challenged turkey.

GOB-BLES!

Timmy

Cartman: Kyle, why do you do these things to me?
Kyle: I didn't do anything to you; Timmy saw the turkey and wanted to get it, what did you want me to say to him?
Cartman: You say: "NO TIMMY, YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT TURKEY! BAD TIMMY!"

Stan: Where's Gobbles?
Cartman: I don't know.
(Stan and Kyle look at him doubtfully)
Cartman: I DON'T KNOW! I might have tried to have Gobbles crushed by a stage light but that's it, I'm not an asshole.

I can't dude, Timmy has a boner for it.

</i> Cartman

Mr. Mackey: Every year the fourth graders do "The Miracle Worker", and every year we have to sit and watch it.
Principal Victoria: Yeah, I swore that if I had to see it one more time I'd put a bullet in my head. But luckily, I got really stoned before I came.

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