South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Pilot: (After noticing the boys came out from the hatch) What the hell?
Kyle: Cartman farted in there. We have to breath it in for 20 hours!
Cartman: It didn't smell that bad. You guys are overreacting.
Pilot: I don't smell any...(the pilot inhales, then pukes twice and faints)
Cartman: Oh, whatever!
Kyle: You son of a bith, Cartman. You don't farted when you're locked in a small space with other people!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry! Next time I ask my fart nicely if it wouldn't mind staying tucked away for a while!

(after being blown up) Terrorists is the KWAZIEST people!

It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't say here or else it will choke on the sweet air of freedom.

Cartman

Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!

Hey look what the postman brought me! It's a big brown package from Afghanistan!

Stan

Sharon, you've been watching CNN for about 8 weeks now. Don't you want to watch something else?

Randy

Another high alert stands for terrorist activity this weekend. The government says that bad things are likely to happen. Meanwhile the world continues to back down from their support of the United States saying that they were really only kidding to begin with.

News Reporter

Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, now I've sure you already know, but the president has asked that all American children send one dollar to the children of Afghanistan. Now I've got a list of addresses and we're all going to chip in...
Cartman: Ha! I'm not giving a dollar to those towel-heads!
Ms. Choksondik: Eric, the Afghan people need our help!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought we're at war with these assholes!
Wendy: We're at war with terrorists, fat-ass, not with Afghanistan! And the reason you'd care is so you don't give them a dollar!
Cartman: (stands up) That dollar buys me a chocolate milk for lunch! What, you want me to get a regular milk for 50 cents?? Now look... It's not our fault that terrorists hate us; we're just kids. We're not the one's dropping bombs on them; we're just caught in the middle. It's not our fault.
Wendy: The Afghan people are caught in the middle, too.
Cartman: Yes, but they're sand-monkeys!
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, settle down! We're all sending dollars to the children of Afghanistan, that's it, end of discussion!
Cartman: (sits down) GODDAMMIT, I HATE REGULAR MILK!!!

Oh Jesus man! They're gonna get me! Oh Christ!

Tweek

Eh What's up, Bin Laden?

Cartman

Afghani Kid #1: (about Stan and the others) They are not spies; they just came here to give us our goat back.
Afghani Kid #2: Screw them; they're evil Americans!
Afghani Kid #1: I know. But, if we don't help the innocent ones, then we are no better than the Americans are.
Afghani Kid #3: Help Americans? That doesn't make any sense!
Afghani Kid #1: Dude, we are speaking English right now. Does THAT make sense??

(Kyle tries to convince the Afghani people that they are not American)
Kyle: Greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's aboot time we get to our hoose in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Ey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a God damn Canadian, and neither are you!
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 19 in total

South Park Season 5 Episode 9 Quotes

(after being blown up) Terrorists is the KWAZIEST people!

Osama Bin Laden

Pilot: (After noticing the boys came out from the hatch) What the hell?
Kyle: Cartman farted in there. We have to breath it in for 20 hours!
Cartman: It didn't smell that bad. You guys are overreacting.
Pilot: I don't smell any...(the pilot inhales, then pukes twice and faints)
Cartman: Oh, whatever!
Kyle: You son of a bith, Cartman. You don't farted when you're locked in a small space with other people!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry! Next time I ask my fart nicely if it wouldn't mind staying tucked away for a while!