South Park

South Park "Proper Condom Use" Quotes (Page 2)

Stan: But Chef, when IS the right time for us to start having sex?
Chef: It's very simple, children; The right time to start having sex isseventeen.
Kyle: Seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen.
Sheila: So, you mean seventeen as long as you're in love?
Chef: Nope, just seventeen.
Gerald: But what if you're not ready at seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen. You're ready.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Stan & Kyle torture a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez!
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make albums or movies.
Stan: That's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
(uses magnifying glass to burn the doll)
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Oh God it burns! It burns!
Stan: Scream for me, bitch!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. McCormick: Yeah, why just this afternoon our son was caught beating off our dog.
 • Rating: Unrated

Butters: Oh geez, I don't wanna get the AIDS fellas.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
Cartman: (in panicking voice) I wasn't looking as his schlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!
Kyle: Sure.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
Cartman: I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: That's what it's called when you milk a dog; Beating it off. God, don't you guys know anything?
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheila: I think my boy does need to learn about sexual educationfrom the school.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ms. Choksond**k: Here's a little picture of Herpes...
(She shows the picture and the girls scream.)
Ms. Choksond**k: And here's a little Syphilis for you...
(She shows another picture and the girls scream again.)
Ms. Choksond**k: That's right; unless you get your boyfriends to wear condums, you can AND will get these diseases!
 • Rating: Unrated

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