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South-park

Producer: Our ratings have gone up to twenty people.
Jimbo: Does that mean we get more money?
Producer: No, but I do!

Jesus: Welcome back. Now, Jimbo, would you please tell me why your nephew do stuff like this to you?
Jimbo: Well, I'll tell you, Jesus... It's because he takes drugs and he worships the devil!
(The people in the audience gasp.)
People in audience: (chanting) Jesus! Jesus!
Jesus: Wow, Stanley! Now your uncle sounds really worried for you!
Stan: Well, I only did it because he... MOLESTED me!
(The people in the audience gasp again.)
Jimbo: Why, you little piece of crap...!
Stan: You big piece of crap!
Cartman: That's it! Now I'm all pissed off! (Cartman throws a chair at Ned) Take that, hippie!
Jimbo: Hey!

Shut the f**k up!!! Jesus, what is wrong with you people?!

Jesus

Whoa, Dude. I don't take drugs and worship Satan!

Stan

Cartman: (while in a dress) Why do I have to be the old lady?
Kyle: Because your fat and all old ladies are too!
Cartman: Hey!

Vietnam was more like shoving shards of broken glass up your ass and sitting in a tub of tabasco sauce fun.

Jimbo

Kyle: Are there any questions? Yes, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: Yes, where the f**k did you hear this ridiculous load of bulls**t?
Kyle: From Vietnam veterans.

Good job, Ned! Now they won't starve!

</i> Jimbo

(During Mr. Garrison's Vietnam flashback)
Troop: Ok, who's taking a shower first?
Rest of the Troops: OOOOO OOO ME ME!

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