South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Obama: I don't know how they did it, but the Chinese secured my victory. I have to fulfill my obligation.
Presidential Staff: And what if General Tso suddenly gets the courage to go to the press with all this?
Obama: Don't worry, everyone knows General Tso's chicken.

Cartman: Pretty sweet, huh?
Kyle: What the hell is this?
Cartman: What's it look like? Hundreds of thousands of votes from all the swing states.
Kyle: I don't believe it.
Cartman: No really, there are states full of swingers. Bunch of perverts if you ask me.

Flight Attendant: Would you like some warm nuts, sir?
Cartman: Haahaha! Warm nuts, she says!

Vengeance is mine!

Jesus

There are green scauses for recycling, blue scauses for kitties, and pink scauses that focus on nothing but titties!

P.F. Pityef

Jesus Asterisk Christ, Stan! People are feeling really cheated by this!

Cartman

Butters: I asked preacher, what about the New Testament? And he says well you still should ought to read it, but you gonna need to put an asterisk next to Jesus' name when ever it comes up!
Cartman: So weak, dude. Dark times, brah. Dark times.

I know people that paid ten bucks for those braclets. I bet they feel pretty stupid now.

Randy

Priests and bishops have been working overtime to remove Jesus from the record books and The Last Supper.

News Anchor

Jesus did not suffer for our sins, he was in fact very high.

Drug Investigator

You know I spent five bucks on that stupid thing?

Cartman

I don't know what to believe in any more, mmkay!

Mr. Mackey
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 1512 in total

South Park Quotes

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman