South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Next thing you know? Jersey party at the Sizzler.

Jersey Guy

Cartman: You know what you want to do if you want a family to move away? Every night you take a crap on their doorstep.
Kyle: Is that why there's crap on my doorstep every morning?
Cartman: Oops. Busted.

All people from Jersey do is hump and punch each other.

Stan

Never invite a New Jersey housewife into your home.

Sheila

You know how you get when you don't use your Vagisil.

Vagisil CEO

I first created Vagisil for my wife, Patty. She is my muse.

Vagisil CEO

All those ladies have stinky vaginas?

Butters

I'm gonna do some dip and speak my mind!

Cartman

I wasn't born with a plastic spoon in my mouth!

Cartman

I need to get stupid, Butters. I'm getting all the blood to rush to my head and watching a marathon of Two and a Half Men.

Cartman

Hello, excuse me! I know that you NASCAR people don't have very much. So I went out and bought you all $58 worth of canned food and blankets! You're welcome! (runs off) I helped the needy!

Butters

Over the past few months, I have watched you go from an ancillary character with a few amusing catch phrased to a dried out spooge rag covered in the jizz of a thousand older men.

Kyle
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 87 in total

South Park Season 14 Quotes

Does a bear crap in the woods and does the Pope crap on the dreams of 200 deaf boys?

Cartman

Kyle: Wow, I didn't know Golf games were this cool.
Cartman: Yeah dude, EA Sports outdid themselves this time.