You're not the Towelie you used to be. Where you used to be fluffy and absorbent, now you are crusty and unable to absorb the smallest amount of waster.


Cashier: Wow, you must have one dusty computer.
Towelie: Fuck you, it's not illegal, bitch.

Towelie had a girlfriend he really liked. Then she got pregnant and had a little wash cloth.


Who hired that towel? It can barely walk, let alone dry someone off.


I guess maybe Tom Cruise likes Sea Man.


Hey look! Tom Cruise has Sea Man on his back!


You killed your own father and then fed him to your own half brother.

Scott Tenorman

Let's hope to Christ this works.


Revenge is a dish best served chili.

Scott Tenorman

Sea Man: Swallow, come.
Moses: Hehe, no way he just said that.

We can't attack Streisand's nose, it's just too big.

Joseph Smith

Cartman [as Mitch Connor]: We got a black president but whitey still doesn't trust me to use his phone.
Dr. Mephisto: Oh, I'm sorry you're right, we do have a black President. Come in.

South Park Season 14 Quotes

Does a bear crap in the woods and does the Pope crap on the dreams of 200 deaf boys?


Kyle: Wow, I didn't know Golf games were this cool.
Cartman: Yeah dude, EA Sports outdid themselves this time.