You're not the Towelie you used to be. Where you used to be fluffy and absorbent, now you are crusty and unable to absorb the smallest amount of waster.

Butters

Cashier: Wow, you must have one dusty computer.
Towelie: Fuck you, it's not illegal, bitch.

Towelie had a girlfriend he really liked. Then she got pregnant and had a little wash cloth.

Butters

Who hired that towel? It can barely walk, let alone dry someone off.

Counselor

I guess maybe Tom Cruise likes Sea Man.

Jesus

Hey look! Tom Cruise has Sea Man on his back!

Stan

You killed your own father and then fed him to your own half brother.

Scott Tenorman

Let's hope to Christ this works.

Jesus

Revenge is a dish best served chili.

Scott Tenorman

Sea Man: Swallow, come.
Moses: Hehe, no way he just said that.

We can't attack Streisand's nose, it's just too big.

Joseph Smith

Cartman [as Mitch Connor]: We got a black president but whitey still doesn't trust me to use his phone.
Dr. Mephisto: Oh, I'm sorry you're right, we do have a black President. Come in.

South Park Season 14 Quotes

And Matthew, how come a transvestite donkey witch is standing next to you and wearing a dress?

Reporter [to Matthew Broderick about Sarah Jessica Parker]

Kyle: Wow, I didn't know Golf games were this cool.
Cartman: Yeah dude, EA Sports outdid themselves this time.