South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 14 Quotes
On the super best friend power cycles! (Segways)
Jesus
Watching porn isn't like doing coke you fag.
Jesus (to Buddha)
Mr. Garrison: I'm sorry, Eric.
Cartman (as Mitch Connor): Sorry is a four letter word with a y on the end that doesn't mean anything to this kid.
Stan: I made a promise to Jesus.
Randy: Stan, Jesus doesn't matter when Muhammad is involved.
Joseph Smith: Boys you need to understand that people get very offended when Muhammad is mocked because he's a religious figure.
Jesus: Buddha! Don't do coke in front of kids!
Tom Cruise: Imagine it, Tim. No one could rip on you for all the rehashed movies you've made lately. There'd never be a TV show that pointed out you haven't had an original thought since Beetlejuice. And you put Johnny Depp and the same crappy music in every film. And if you're so in love with Johnny Depp you should just have sex with him already. No TV show could ever say that.
Tim Burton: Gee, that'd be swell.
Tom Cruise: Jimmy buffet, how would you like it if no one could call your music drunken frat boy, monkey garbage?
Jimmy Buffet: I'd love it.
Detective: Dammit, Marsh. Why couldn't you have just kept your stupid, ugly kid in line?
Randy: Hey, don't start blaming me for his looks.
How come you're packing fudge, Mr. Cruise?
Butters
Hey guys look, Tom Cruise is a fudge packer.
Stan
Randy: Hey Stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore.
Stan: My Facebook profile went rogue, dad. Had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. I sent all my friends somewhere else.
Randy: Okay, so we're not friends then?
Stan: Fuck off dad.
This is the way the world works, if you want want to fine some quality friends you have to wade through all the dicks fist.
Cartman
