Mr. Garrison: Now what's wrong with the Planetarium?
Stan: It's boring.
Kyle: Yeah, all the constellations look alike.
Mr. Garrison: Well too bad. You're all going to the planetarium tomorrow and you're all going to love it.

Dr. Adams: Hi, I'm Dr. Adams, and welcome to the Plane'arium.
Stan: I thought this was the planetarium.
Dr. Adams: It is, I have a bone disease that prevents me from saying the 't' in Plane'arium.

Cartman: Hey, they're giving out bread outside!
Poor girl: Finally we can get something to eat.
(when the poor girl and her mom walk outside, Cartman shuts the door)
Cartman: Psych!!

Mrs. Cartman: Hon, don't pick your nose.
Cartman: God dammit, I'm not picking it. I have an itch for crying out loud.

Now stars are actually made of hot gas, which is exactly what comes out of Roger Ebert's ass.

Dr. Adams

Man Singing: I love Cheesy Poofs. You love Cheesy Poofs. If we didn't love Cheesy Poofs, we'd all be...
Cartman: (flatly)...Lame.

(After Kenny's head explodes)
Stan: Oh my God! We've killed Kenny!
Kyle: We're bastards!

A haiku is just like a normal American poem except it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid.

Mr. Garrison

(during planetarium show)
Principal Victoria : Oh man this is boring.
Some guy: Yeah, who finds this stuff interesting?
High teenager 1: Dude, this is totally killer.
High teenager 2: I hope this goes on for like7 months.

Ok children, now I'm going to remind you that this is a planetarium, not a Bangkok brothel, so let's behave ourselves.

Mr. Garrison

Ass full of pork fat, jiggles like a jello-mold, mouth is flapping too.

Kyle's 2nd Haiku

(The Marshes are discussing Stan's essay assignment)
Stan: Not Mr. Garrison, Mom, he's a sick weirdo.
Randy: Yeah it's true, he is.

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Killer-weak-sweet.

Cartman

Father Maxi: Who would have sex with a chicken?
Halfy: I would.
Mr. Garrison: Aw you couldn't screw anything Halfy, you don't have any legs.
Father Maxi: Have some respect for people's feelings, would you Halfy?