South Park

South Park Season 2 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 2 Episode 17: "Gnomes"

Mr. Tweek: They really have my balls in a vice grip.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Tweek: They really have my balls in a salad shooter.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Tweek: They really have my balls in a juice maker.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Tweek talking about the kids assignment)
Tweek: This is too much pressure. AHH!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Kenny: (muffled) F**K you!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: Well let me put it another way. You have to give your oral report to the entire South Park Town Committee tomorrow. And if it doesn't kick ass, and you make me look bad. Mr. Hat is gonna SMACK YOU BITCHES UP!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Shh don't scare em'
Stan: Hey there little guy?
Cartman: BAD!!! (Hit's gnome with a stick)
Kyle: Cartman?!?!?
Cartman: What?
Kyle: Why do you always have to hit stuff with a stick?!
Cartman: Well look at? He's all, ya know. Look at him (Hit's gnome with a stick again)
Gnome: Is that all you got p***y?
Cartman: What?!?!?
Stan: Hey, he talked
Cartman: Yeah he called me a p***y, I'm not a p***y, you're a p***y!
Gnome: You're a p***y. Pussy!
Cartman: Ay?!?!?
Stan: Then why are you taking Tweek's underpants?
Kyle: Yeah, look what you're doing to this poor kid.
Tweek: Ahh!!!
Gnome: Stealing underpants is big business.
Stan: Business? Wait? Do you know anything about business?
Gnome: Sure, that's what gnomes do.
Kyle: Show us!
Gnome: OK, follow me.
Cartman: Pussy gnome! Don't call me a p***y p***y gnome.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Continued)
Gnome: Not much longer now....
Cartman: Oh? You're taking us to your little p***y house?
Gnome: No p***y! I'm taking you to my village!
Cartman: Oh? Your p***y village?
Stan: Cartman will you just shut up and let him show us?
 • Rating: Unrated

Underpants Gnomes (singing repeatedly): Time to go to work, work all night, search for underpants yay, we won't stop till we have underpants yum tum yummy tum yay!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Commitee Chairman: Okay, Mr Douchebag.
Harbucks Rep: Postal!
Commitee Chairman: Oh, pardon me Mr Assface!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(the Harbucks Rep is dressed up like "Camel Joe")
Harbucks Rep: Hey kid, I'm Camel Joe, and I love a fresh cup of coffee. It's yum-deli-icious. And it makes you feel super. I have a real surprise for you: The new kiddieccino from Harbucks; more sugar than all the other goodies kids like, with all the caffeine of a normal double latte.
Billy's Mom: No, Billy. No coffee for you. (to Harbucks Rep) You should be ashamed of yoruself, using cartoons to push caffeine on children.
Harbucks Rep: (rips off the head of the suit) Why don't you go back to the hole you crawled out from, lady?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: OK, we have to do this stupid report, so -
Tweek: Uhh! ERR! Uhh-Uhhn! Unh, Unh!
Kyle: - so let's figure out what to do it about.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gnome: Phase 1 = Collect underpants
Phase 2 =
Phase 3 = Profit
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Tweek: What can I get for you, Officer Barbrady?
Barbrady: Oh, just the usual.
(Mr. Tweek hits Barbrady in the face with a cat)
Barbrady: Thanks! See you tomorrow!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr Garrison: Settle down children, I have some difficult news. This is going to make you all very sad. The school board is considering firing me as your teacher. There's a possibility I'll be let go and never allowed to teach you again. (Stan raises his hand) Yes Stanley?
Stan: That's okay with us.
Kyle: Yeah!
Craig: Yeah, we dont care.
Cartman: That's fine.
Mr Garrison: (shouting) No it isn't! It makes you very sad!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Okay we have to do this stupid report so... (Tweek freaks out) So let's figure out what to do it about.
(long pause)
Cartman: How about we do it on that Raymond guy on TV, you know everyone loves Raymond.
Kyle: No, Cartman, we can't do it on Raymond again. It has to be on a current event in South Park.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Tweek: Oh hello son. How was your day?
Tweek: Arghhh!
Mrs. Tweek: Who are your little friends?
Tweek: What do you mean?
Kyle: We're his oral report buddies.
Stan: Yeah, we have to stay up all night to write it.
Mrs. Tweek: Well have some coffee boys. I'll brew up another pot for later.
Kyle: Coffee? I don't think I like coffee.
Mrs. Tweek: Oh you'll like this coffee, it's fresh.
Mr. Tweek: Country fresh, like the morning after a rainstorm.
Stan: Okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 16: "Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!"

Cop 1: (into megaphone) Manson, we know you're in there. Come out peacefully and we'll shoot you.
Cop 2: (whispers) Tell him we won't shoot him.
Cop 1: Oh, yeah. That's a good idea. (into megaphone) Come out peacefully and we WON'T shoot you.
 • Rating: Unrated

News reporter: ...We understand that there are hostages, and that the situation is critical, so we would like to remind you all that this live hostage crisis is being brought to you by Palmoral sun block. Remember, if it isn't Palmoral, you're going to get cancer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charles Manson: Come on, I'll hotwire your grandpa's car.
Stan: Do you really think we should go with this guy?
Cartman: Stan, don't be such a dumbass, you have to trust people.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "South Park" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!