(singing) Holidays are that special time when we laugh and sing and feel warm and cozy. Forget about being angry for a day. Remember how it felt to be a child, opening presents on Christmas morning? That's the way that we should all feel now. So I say, happy, happy, happy, holy, happy, happy, happy, happy holidays! (Happy, happy, happy, holy, happy, happy, happy, happy holidays!) Happy Kwanzaa, too, from me to you. Happy holidays, you guys.

Charles Manson

Grandma: I thought that shirt would look really good on you.
Cartman: Are you telling me I drove nine hours through butt-f**king nowhere to get a GODDAMN SHIRT?! Mom, Grandma's gone senile, time to stick her in a home.

Dude, this is pretty f**ked up right here.

</i> Stan

Charles Manson: Come on, I'll hotwire your grandpa's car.
Stan: Do you really think we should go with this guy?
Cartman: Stan, don't be such a dumbass, you have to trust people.

Cartman's Grandma: (as they haul her son back to the pokey) Watch that ass in prison, son.
Uncle Howard: Always do, mom. Always do.

Grandma Cartman: Mom, could you say grace?
Great-Grandma Cartman: Goddammit, why do I always have to be the one who says grace?! If one more person asks me to say grace, I'll be like: "Ey! I'm not saying grace, and if you try to make me, I'll kick you square in the nuts!"

Mister Hankey kicks ass!

Cousin Elwin

Charles Manson: (after Kenny was shot to death by the police) Oh my god! They killed the little orange coat kid!
Kyle: You bastards!

...We understand that there are hostages, and that the situation is critical, so we would like to remind you all that this live hostage crisis is being brought to you by Palmoral sun block. Remember, if it isn't Palmoral, you're going to get cancer.

News reporter

(singing)
You guys are my best friends!
Through thick and thin,
We've always been together!
We're four of a kind,
Havin' fun all day,
Pallin' around and laughin' away!
Just best friends!
Best friends are we!
I love you guys.

Evil Cartman

Evil Stan: Just give me the gun, kid.
Stan: Up yours, evil twin.

Evil Kyle: We're here to take you back goody two-shoes.
Cartman: I've gotta better idea. Why don't you two going go *bleep* yourselves?

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?