Now get the fudge out of my house.


Cous-cous: Nobody came again!
Chef: There there, Cous-cous. It'll be alright. Maybe you just need to change your image.
Cous-cous: What do you mean?
Chef: Nobody wants to see a guy named Cous-cous. You need a big, strong, beefy name.
Cous-cous: Beefy, like Tri-Tip!
Chef: That's not bad. Here, have some meat loaf.
(back to present day)
Meat Loaf: I owe everything to Chef.

I will do the German dance for you, it's fun and gay and tra-la-la. I hope you will enjoy my dance, fiddle-ey-aye, fiddle-ey-aye. Would you like some sauerkraut, German boy, German boy? Yes, I'd like some sauerkraut, boy I'm hungry!


Chef told me to get a pompadour hat. I thought he said "bite the head of a bat" and the rest is history.


Stan: Oh my god, Ozzy Osbourne bit Kenny's head off!
Kyle: You bastard!

Judge Moses: Mr. Chef, you've been found guilty for harrassing a major record label. The full fee of two million dollars will be handed over within 24 hours.
Chef: Do I look like I have two million dollars?
Judge Moses: Well, you have 24 hours to find it, or else you'll have to go to jail for eight million years!
Man: (whispering) It's actually for four years.
Judge Moses: Oh, sorry. You'll go to jail for four years.
Chef: This can't be happening!

Mr. Garrison: Mr- Mr. Twig, are you OK? Mr- Mr. Twig?
(He lifts up the covers and notices Mr. Twig broken)

Look at the monkey. Look at the silly little monkey. (Juror's head explodes)

Johnnie Cochran

Elton John: Wake up Wendy, smell the coffee
Kyle: (To Stan) Dude, that's your song for Wendy!
Cartman: Ha-ha! You're a wuss! (Stan hits him)

Look Elton, you are a great singer, but a retarded monkey could write better lyrics.


(When Mr. Garrison takes Mr. Twig to the hospital for his burns.
Mr. Garrison: Well, is he going to be all right doctor?
Doctor: Uh. It's a stick.

Jimbo: What's all the ruckus over there?
Mayor: Sounds like somebody declared shenanigans.
Jimbo: Oh, hell, I have to run home and grab my broom!

South Park Season 2 Quotes

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
Mr. McKormick: So, Kyle, your father still brings home those big fat lawyer paychecks?
Mrs. McKormick: Now, clamhead! Don't even get started!
Mr. McKormick: What? I was just asking a question. Your father and I used to be best friends. But he ended up going to law school because he has rich parents.
Mrs. McKormick: That's not why he was sent to law school! He had dreams that didn't involved getting lazy and drunk all the time!
(Waffle pops out of toaster)
Kevin: My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
Mrs. McKormick: Now now, Kevin. We don't have enough for everybody. You have to split that with your brother.
Cartman: My god, are you f(beep)king kidding me?
Mr. McKormick: Hey! We don't say f(beep)k at the dinner table, you little assh*le!
Cartman: (muttering) Yeah, well apparently, they don't say side dishes either...

Greenfield: This story's got everything: people, furniture, talking! It's a real American story!