South Park

South Park Season 2 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 2 Episode 9: "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls"

Mr. Garrison: The fist film showing is called 'Witness to Denial' and is a sexual exploration piece about two women in love.
Stan: Oh, my uncle Jimbo has a ton of those movies in his dresser drawer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: You can't die Mr Hankey, you can't.
Mr. Hankey: (Cough)
Kyle, before I go, there's something I must tell you. Come closer Closer
Kyle: What is it Mr Hankey?
Mr. Hankey: There is another Skywalker. Uhhh (Mr Hankey dies)
Kyle: Nooo
Mr. Hankey: (Mr Hankey appears to be alive) Wait Kyle.
Kyle: What is it Mr Hankey?
Mr. Hankey: Come closer
Kyle: What is it?
Mr. Hankey: Closer
Kyle: Yes?
Mr. Hankey: Closer! (Pause) One time, when you were sleeping, I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture. Uhhh (Mr Hankey dies)
Kyle: Nooo
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: You've got the best balls in the whole world, Chef.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: Eric, if you call Wendy a bitch again you're going straight to the principal's office!
(long pause)
Cartman: Bitch!
Mr. Garrison: That's it Eric go--
Cartman: I'M GOIN'!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: What are you doing down in a sewer with a bunch of snorkel stuff on?
Mr. Garrison: Oh I was just, uh, hangin' out
Kyle: In a sewer?
Mr. Garrison: Children, do you know how to file a police report?
All: No
Mr. Garrison: Good, see ya in school! (he swims away)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: Tom Hanks can't act his way out of a nutsack!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stan: That theater sucks, though. They need to get a bigger screen.
Kyle: They should project the movies on Cartman's ass!
(all laugh but Cartman)
Cartman: Nya!
Stan: Yeah, but that'd be like IMAX.
(laugh)
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Does poo go to heaven?
Chef: I kinda hope not.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr Garrison: Okay children I have some very exciting news for you. Why don't you tell them Mr Twig? (Garrison as Mr Twig) That's right Mr Garrison. The first annual South Park Film Festival begins today.
Wendy: Wow! Cool.
Kyle: They're not gonna show that stupid-ass Godzilla movie again are they?
Mr Garrison: No, no, Kyle, these are independent films.
Stan: Oh like Independence Day? That sucked ass too.
Cartman: No dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef: Get them while they're hot. My all new cookies, I Just Went And Fudged Your Momma.
Cartman: Jesus, he sure ran that one into the ground.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls Song:
Say everybody have you seen my balls?
They're big and salty and brown.
Whenever you need a fix, hook me up.
Just stick my balls in my mouth.
Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls.
Put 'em in your mouth.
Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em and suck 'em.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef: Children, this whole film festival thing has quite lucrative monetary possibilities. Now I'm gonna sell some of my famous cookies to these Hollywood types and make a mint.
Cartman: What kind of cookies?
Kyle: Calm down tubby!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 8: "Summer Sucks"

Chef: (Phone rings, he answers) Hello? What? Oh, hello, children! It's a what? A giant snake?! Killing everybody?! Growing bigger?! Children, you know I rarely say this, but, well... fudge ya. (hangs up)
Kyle: What did he say?
Stan: Dude, I think he told us to go f(beep)k ourselves.
Cartman: Wow!
Kyle: How's that gonna help?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: Serves you right, you gay-bashing homo!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(giant ash-snake breaks through the wall)
Jimbo: Holy smokes, what the hell is that?
Ned: It looks like my ex-wife.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Chef sees everyone covered in ash, so the all look like black people.)
Chef: Okay. Everybody get in a line so I can whoop all your asses!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Oh, yeah, dude! It's summer! That means we gotta buy fireworks.
Kyle: I saved enough money to buy M-80s this year.
Stan: I saw this one movie where a guy stuck a firecracker up a cat's butt.
Kyle: Cool! Maybe we can do that to Cartman's cat!
Cartman: Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants!
Stan: Jesus, Cartman!
Cartman: Well, I'm just saying, man. Seriously, don't mess with Kitty, man.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico?
Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Garrison: Well I can tell you that I'm 100% NOT GAY!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Director: Lets play the Stars and Stripes. 1-2-3
(the kids play horribly)
Mayor: What the hell is that!?
Assistant: I think it's the stars and stripes.
 • Rating: Unrated

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