South Park

South Park Season 3 Quotes (Page 12)

Season 3 Episode 3: "The Succubus"

Eye doctor: Alright, let's get down to business, shall we?
Cartman: Gee, that's nice, my mom didn't pay you to be a comedian!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef's Mom: Oh, Lord he was angry.
Chef's Dad: Damn right I was angry...
Chef's Mom: No, not you, the monster; he was about to kick yo' ass.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: Yeah, I tell you, boys... Women can kill, poontang's expensive; that's why when it comes to chicks, I just screw them and leave em. I say "Get out my bedroom, poontang, before you suck my life dry!".
Stan: Thanks, Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison: Sure, kids.
(The boys leave the classroom.)
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) Your not fooling anyone. (normal voice) Shut your hole, Mr. Hat!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef's Dad: You crackers want to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Stan: Nah, that's okay.
Chef's Dad: Oh, it must have been about 7, 8 years ago... Me and the little lady were on this boat, you see... All alone at night when all of a sudden, a huge creature, a giant crustacean from the Paleozoic era, comes out of the water!
Chef's Mom: We were so scared, lord-have-mercy. I jumped up in the boat and said "Thomas! What on earth is that creature?!".
Chef's Dad: It stood above us looking down with its big red eyes...
Chef's Mom: Oh, it was scary.
Chef's Dad: And I stood up and yelled "What do you want from us, monster?!", and he bent down and said "I need to borrow treefiddy...".
Kyle: What's "treefiddy"?
Chef's Dad: Three dollars and fifty cents.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chefs love song:
Sometimes you fall in love!
And you think you'll feel that way forever!
You change your life and ignore your friends cause you think it can't get any better!
But then love goes away, no matter what it doesn't stay as strong!
And then your left with nothin cause your thinking with your dong!
So watch out for that lover! It can destroy like a typhoon wind!
Just play it cool and don't be a fool!
Mr.Garrison: And never let poontang come between you and your friend!
Chef: Damn Right Garrison!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: She killed Kenny!
Kyle: You Bastard!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: That bitch, she's stealing Chef from us.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (to Eye Doctor) If you call me piggy one more time, I am going to seriously rip your god damn nuts off with my bare hands!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: But mom, I have to tell Chef that he's marrying a succubus!
 • Rating: Unrated

Eye Doctor: Okay, time to laser the little piggy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: AH! IT'S THE SUCCUBUS!
Veronica: What?
Stan: A succubus: a demon from hell sent to suck the life out of Chef
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: I wonder how come Cartman's not in school today?
Stan: Yeah. Usually when he ditches school, he still shows up for lunch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef's Dad: And do ya know what that alien said?
Chef' Mama: Tree-fiddy.
Chef's Dad: Dammit! Will ya let me tell the story? He said tree-fiddy, and that's how I knew it wasn't no alien, it was that Goddamn Loch Ness Monster again!
 • Rating: Unrated

Eye Doctor: How's my little piggy today?
Cartman: Hey! Don't call me a little piggy!
Eye Doctor: I just say that because you're my little buddy.
Cartman: I'm just here for an eye exam alright? Keep the fat jokes to yourself.
Eye Doctor: Hop up on the chair. Don't break it now.
Cartman: God Dammit!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: You're Chef's parents?
Chef's Mother: Yes, all his life.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: Hey dudes.
Stan: Whoa, what happened to your eyes, Cartman?
Cartman: My asshole eye doctor made them all dialbated.
Kyle: Why?
Cartman: Why? I'll tell you why, because he's a god damn asshole, and that's about it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Receptionist: Hey, aren't you that cute little kid from Jerry McGuire?
Cartman: (uninterested) Uh, yeah, sure, sure.
Receptionist: Wow, you really got fat.
Cartman: Hey!
 • Rating: Unrated

Eye Doctor: All you have to do is read the letters. Can you see the letters?
Cartman: Yes.
Eye Doctor: All right, read them out for me.
Cartman: (reading from the card) I AMA LITTLE PIG E. Hey! That does it! Mom!
Eye Doctor: No, no that was just a weird coincidence. I did not know how that happened. (reads the card) I AMA LITTLE PIG E. Oh, what are the odds of that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: We can't fall asleep. We gotta nail that song. You got the tape recorder, Cartman? Cartman?? (taps him)
Kyle: He's asleep. Wake up fat ass!
Cartman: What what what?
Stan: Goddamnit! You can't fall asleep.
Cartman: I wasn't sleeping, I was just thinking really hard!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Hey dudes.
(Kyle, Stan and Kenny laugh)
Cartman: (Sarcastically) Heheheh, look at Cartman and his stupid glasses. Heheheh.
Kyle: Dude, just take them off.
Cartman: I can't, they're stapled to my head.
(Kyle, Stan and Kenny laugh again)
Cartman: I hate you guys.
 • Rating: Unrated

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