South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Stan: Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny start playing the flutes and drum as they march. Cartman starts beating the drum.)
Cartman: Yeah! Do you like to rock?! I like to rock! Hello, Baltimore!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
Cartman: I'm playing the drum!(He continues to beat the drum.)
Kyle: You're not supposed to beat the drum, you hit it!
Cartman: You don't hit a drum! You gotta beat the (bleep) out of it! (He starts to beat the drum again.) Shut your pie-hole! I'll kick your ass, you (bleep) drum!

I will not rest until the South have won, and Stan and Kyle are my slaves, because I hate those guys. I hate those guys with every part of my tired Confederate body.

Cartman's Letter

Al Gore: Wow, there's quite a crowd out there.
Aide: Yeah. It's like the million man march, except there really are a million people out there.

Mr. Garrison: Hey guys, let's all play a game of grab-ass.
Gerald: What's grab-ass?
Mr. Garrison: We just run around in circles and grab each other's asses.

Stan: Give up, fatass! There's over a hundred National Guards down here.
Cartman: Suck my ass!

Stan: (after Kenny was killed by a flare) Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!
Grandpa: You bastards!
Kyle: (to Grandpa) Hey!

Cartman: Now I believe you guys are going to be my slaves for a month.
Kyle: You cheated Cartman, and the bet was that the South won the Civil War and the South still didn't win the Civil War, fat ass.
Stan: Yeah, too bad you're such a dumb ass in history or you would've known.
Cartman: I hate you guys; I hate you guys so much.

...and was forced to live off her own feces for several days.

</i> News Anchor

Stan: You can't just show up to a Civil War re-enactment dressed up like General Lee, fatass.
Cartman: Oh really? I'm pretty sure I just did.

I hate you guys, I hate you guys so very, very much...

</i> Cartman

Cartman: (as Tom Brokaw) Good day, gentlemen. I'm here to get the big story, the big scoop. I have just found out that you have found some kind of ship from an alien race. Seeing that I am Pulitzer Prize winning Tom Brokaw
Executive 1: Look, kid. Did you think this was going to fool anybody? You don't look anything like Tom Brokaw?
Cartman: What? Dare you question my integra-tah?
Kyle (from inside): I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have a mustache, fat ass.
Cartman: Whooh, I had some bad burritos today.

Marklar: You Marklars must leave.
Missionary: But you will all burn forever in eternal hellfire!
Marklar: Yes, that's nice, thank you for stopping by.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 284 in total

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

The Dreidel Song:
KYLE: Ok, Ike, you're my little brother, so I have to teach you how to celebrate Hannukah. This is called a dreidel, and you spin it around and sing this song: I have a little dreidel, I made it out of clay, and when it's dry and ready, with dreidel I shall play. Oh, dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay, dreidel dreidel dreidel, with dreidel I shall play.
CARTMAN: Hey, what the hell are you doing?
KYLE: Oh, hey Cartman! We're playing dreidel, you wanna try?
CARTMAN: Sure! (Singing:) Here's a little dreidel, that's small and made of clay, but I'm not gonna play with it 'cuz dreidel's freaking gay!
KYLE: Hey! Shut your mouth fatass!
CARTMAN: Jews......play stupid games......Jews.....that's why they're lame!
KYLE: Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay, dreidel dreidel dreidel, with dreidel I shall play.
STAN: Hey, whatcha doing? Oh, that Hannukah thing.
CARTMAN: It's SO amazing, you spin this little thing on the ground and it goes 'round and 'round, I could watch it all day.
STAN: Here, let me try (singing:) I'll try to make it spin, it fell, I'll try again.
(Stan repeats and Kyle starts singing at the same time as Stan's repeat.)
KYLE: Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay, dreidel dreidel dreidel, with dreidel I shall play.
(Now Cartman starts singing with them)
CARTMAN: Jews.........play stupid games......Jews..........that's why they're lame!
SHEILA: Hello, boys.
KYLE: Hi, mom!
SHEILA: Oh, you're all playing dreidel, how precious. You know, dreidel's a time-honored tradition to the Hebrew culture.
CARTMAN: Yes, we know Ms. Broflovski, it's so very interesting.
KYLE's MOM: (singing:) Now when you learn to make the dreidel spin, you know our people always win, keep spinning. (She repeats, Cartman starts again)
CARTMAN: Jews.......play stupid games.......Jews.......that's why they're lame!
KYLE: Oh, hi dad!
GERALD: Hello everybody, say, can I join in?
KYLE: Sure! (singing:) I have a little dreidel, that's small and made of clay, and when it's dry and ready with dreidel I shall- everybody!
(The next part is all sang at the same time)
KYLE: Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay, dreidel dreidel dreidel, with dreidel I shall play.
STAN: I'll try to make it spin, it fell, ill try again.
SHEILA: Now when you learn to make the dreidel spin, you know our people always win keep spinning.
CARTMAN: Jews......play stupid games........Jews that's why they're lame!
GERALD: Courtney Cox, I love you, you're so hot on that show.
(Everyone stops singing except Kyle's Dad)
GERALD: Courtney Cox, I love you, you're so hot on that show.
KYLE: Dad, we're singing about a dreidel.
GERALD: Oh.....sorry
SHEILA: We'll talk about this later Gerald!
(The next part is all sang at the same time)
STAN: I'll try to make it spin, it fell, I'll try again.
SHEILA: Now when you learn to make the dreidel spin, you know our people always win keep spinning.
CARTMAN: Jews......play stupid games........Jews that's why they're lame!
GERALD: Courtney Cox, I love you, you're so hot on that show.
KYLE: Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made you out of clay, dreidel dreidel dreidel...
EVERYONE: ...with dreidel I shall play!!!!!