South Park

South Park Season 3 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 3 Episode 12: "Hooked on Monkey Phonics"

Cartman: Alright that's it, SCREW YOU GUYS; I'm going to home school.
Mr. Garrison: Oh please God, let it be forever.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mayor McDaniels: Alright, Eric. Here's your word. Chair.
Cartman: C'mon Phonics monkey, drum!
(Monkey does nothing)
Cartman: C'MON!
(Monkey is doing something, but not drumming)
Cartman: Eric, your word is chair!
Cartman: UhhDefinition?
Mayor McDaniels: Something you sit on.
Cartman: Country of origin?
Mayor McDaniels: English!
Cartman: Could you use it in a sentence?
Mayor McDaniels: FOR GOD SAKES, KID, THE WORD IS CHAIR!
Cartman: ChairC-H-A-R-E (Buzzer) Dammit, how come I always get the hard ones? (Runs off the stage) GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH PHONICS MONKEY!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tape: If you're monkey arrived in the box dead, call 555-4500 to get a new monkey.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Oh, my god! Fonics monkey killed Kenny!
Cartman: You're damn right, he did.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mark: Now look at her she's a damn whore papa.
Butters: Damn right.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Mark, the home schooled kid, rolls into Mr. Garrison's class in a giant hamster ball.)
Mark: Hey guys, what's up?
Cartman: Dude, what's wrong with you, you got some kind of John Travolta disease or something?
Mr. Garrison: Alright children, let's all just try to ignore the fact that there's a little boy in a giant hamster ball and continue on with our lesson, okay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: (at the spelling bee) Kyle, Kyle, he's our man, if he can't do it I'm out 50 bucks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: You're going down bitch!
Kyle: Shut up fat-ass, everyone knows I can spell better than you.
Cartman: Yeah, well this year I have a secret weapon. (Gives Phonics Monkey a thumbs up)
 • Rating: Unrated

(Cartman finds out about home school)
Cartman: (singing) Who would have thought such a miracle could be, who could have known that this moment I would see, a new way of living, a chance to be free!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Shut up, Cartman!
Cartman: You shut up, butt-hole! (Hit's Stan)
Stan: You shut up, gay-wad! (Hit's Cartman)
Cartman: You shut up, ass-logger! (Hit's Stan)
Mark: Oh my goodness. Are you two enemies?
Stan: No... we're friends.
Mark: Strange friends would call each other names and fight.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: You can do it kid, you can do it!
(after Kyle spells incorrectly)
Jimbo: YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!, YOU COSTED ME 50 BUCKS!!!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 11: "Chinpokomon"

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: (in high-pitched voice) But, moooooooom, I have to get the first one so that people will think I'm kewwwwwl!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chinpokomon Trainer: I've got to collect all Chinpokomon! I've got to collect them all so I can become World Crown Chinpoko-Master! Oh!
Japanese Spokeswoman: All Chinpokomon, and you will have happy feeling-su!
 • Rating: Unrated

Alabama Man Commercial: You can take Alabama man to the bowling alley where he drinks heavily and chews tobacco.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alabama Man Commercial: When his wife asks him where he's been, just use the action button and Alabama Man will bust her lip open.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Dude, you're just jealous because I'm Chinpoko Master!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bill Clinton: My fellow Americans, I wish to address the concerns many of us have over the growing number of Japanese military bases forming in the United States. The new Japanese emperor, Hirohito, has made our own children into fighter pilots who will soon fly to Hawaii and attack Pearl Harbor. I spoke with Mr. Hirohito this morning, and he assured me that I have a very large penis. He said it was mammoth, dinosauric, and absolutely dwarfed his penis, which, he assured me, was nearly microscopic in size. My penis, he said, was most likely one of the biggest on the planet. I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty. Thank you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gerald: You see, son, fads come and go. And this "Chin-po-ko Mon" is obviously nothing more than a fad. You don't have to be a part of it. In fact, you can make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers, "I'm not going to be a part of this fad, because I'm an individual." Do you understand?
Kyle: Yes. Yes, I do, Dad. Now let me tell you how it works in the real world. In the real world, I can either get a Chinpokomon, or I can be the only kid without one, which singles me out, and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my ass.
Gerald: Hmm. Good point; here's $10. On second thought, here's $20 pick up one for your brother too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: (Singing on the streets) Come on, people, join together. Join-together-so-I-can-get-more-money-for-ChinPokoMon!
 • Rating: Unrated

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