South Park

South Park Season 3 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 3 Episode 10: "Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery"

(Guys from graveyard at town meeting.)
Guy #1: We're here to inform you that someone has been stealing bodies from the local graveyard, most likely to have sex with them. Here's what having sex with a dead body might look like. (guy #2 holds up a large card.)
Crowd: EWW!
Guy #1: And here's what having sex with a dead body might sound like. (Guy #2 proceeds to open a jar of mayonnaise and repeatedly ram his fist into it, causing a sick slurping sound)
Crowd: UGH!
Person in crowd: Excuse me, how is this helping?
 • Rating: Unrated

Uncle Jimbo: C'mon Ned, this isn't a whorehouse; it's a horROR house.
 • Rating: Unrated

Father Maxi: Halloween is an abomination of God, a celebration of the occult!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Maybe we should shove a stick up her ass and use her as a puppet. Ooooooooh! Scaaarry Grraaanddmma!
Kyle: Alright Cartman, that does it! That's my Grandma, you show her some Goddamn respect!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Garrison: Nothing ever went wrong in this town before that evil Korn band showed up.
Sharon Marsh: Well I say we go find them and kick their devil-worshipping butts out of town!
 • Rating: Unrated

Liane: Eric's not fat. He's just big boned.
Kyle: Well he must have a huge bone up his ass, then!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 9: "Jewbilee"

Moses: I demand macaroni pictures.
 • Rating: Unrated

Moses: The impurity must depart before the great eating of carrot cake.
Kyle: He doesn't get cake!?
Moses: No. No cake for the impurity.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Moses: And let us glue paper plates together with beans inside so when you shake them they make rattling noises.
Rabbi: Paper plate bean shakers, of couse!
Moses: And let us put patterns of glue on the outside and sparkles so they look all nice and sparkly.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jubilee Director: We have all gathered here tonight, from every chapter of Judiasm.
Elder #1: Elder Schwartz, orthodox chapter.
Elder #2: Elder Harris, reform chapter.
Elder #3: Elder Garth, anti-semitic chapter.
Jubilee Director: I've never heard of the anti- semitic chapter of Judiasm before.
Elder Garth: We're new.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sheila Brovflofski: Kyle and Ike, be safe, and Kenny, try to act Jewish.
Kenny: (muffled) How do you do that?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Mom? Can Kenny go to Jewbilee with me?
Sheila: Uh well, Kyle, Jewbilee is sort of a special thing.
Kyle: Oh. Kenny isn't special?
Kenny: (Aw.)
Sheila: No, no, you're very special, Kenny. It's just that well, Jewbilee is for Jewish kids.
Gerald: You see boys, Jew Scouts is a special group that borrows a little bit from all different Jewish denominations. From the Orthodox Jews, from the Hasidic Jews, from the Northern Italy Cave Jews But you have to believe the basic tenets of Judaism to be a Scout.
Kyle: Kenny'll believe whatever you want him to.
Kenny: (Yeah.)
 • Rating: Unrated

Gerald: Tell Ike how much fun Squirts is, Kyle.
Kyle: What? You want me to lie?
Gerald: Yeah, lie.
 • Rating: Unrated

Squirt Leader: Okay, Squirts, the elders have given us a very important task tonight. We are all going to make macaroni pictures, like this one, using dry macaroni, paper, and glue.
Squirt: How come we have to make macaroni pictures?
Squirt Leader: Because that's what Squirts do! Now, shut your pie-hole!
 • Rating: Unrated

Squirt Leader: Okay, Squirts, let's see what you made macaroni pictures of. Ishmael?
Ishmael: Apple.
Squirt Leader: Good. Matthew?
Matthew: Cat.
Squirt Leader: Joseph?
Joseph: Triangle.
Squirt Leader: Okay. Ike?
Ike: Cokeshen.
Squirt Leader: You don't make a macaroni picture of the Last Supper at a Jewish camp!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 8: "Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub"

Stan: Dad, they tried to shoot at us!
Randy: Not now, Stan.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: There are no more missions. I have everything I want.
Butters: But we're angels? What are angels supposed to do without missions?
Stan: Just play something else!
Pip: Oh dear! We've angered Bosley!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: (whining) I don't want to go to this stupid party!
Randy: Come on, Stan, you're gonna have a great time.
Stan: No, you guys are going to have a great time. Whenever there's a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the kids spend the night locked in the basement, eating stale pretzels.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Mackey: Welcome. Mmkay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gerald: Just because we shared an intimate moment in the hot tub, I'm not going to let it-
Randy: We did not share and intimate moment, okay? That makes it sound gay!
 • Rating: Unrated

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