Randy: Here's Korn's van!
Lady in mob: Let's flip it over!
Officer Barbrady: Okay people, let's try to stay orderly. The best way to do this is to all get on one side and push from the top.

Cartman: Maybe we should shove a stick up her ass and use her as a puppet. Ooooooooh! Scaaarry Grraaanddmma!
Kyle: Alright Cartman, that does it! That's my Grandma, you show her some Goddamn respect!

Halloween is an abomination of God, a celebration of the occult!

Father Maxi

C'mon Ned, this isn't a whorehouse; it's a horROR house.

Uncle Jimbo

Mr. Garrison: Nothing ever went wrong in this town before that evil Korn band showed up.
Sharon Marsh: Well I say we go find them and kick their devil-worshipping butts out of town!

(Guys from graveyard at town meeting.)
Guy #1: We're here to inform you that someone has been stealing bodies from the local graveyard, most likely to have sex with them. Here's what having sex with a dead body might look like. (guy #2 holds up a large card.)
Crowd: EWW!
Guy #1: And here's what having sex with a dead body might sound like. (Guy #2 proceeds to open a jar of mayonnaise and repeatedly ram his fist into it, causing a sick slurping sound)
Crowd: UGH!
Person in crowd: Excuse me, how is this helping?

Liane: Eric's not fat. He's just big boned.
Kyle: Well he must have a huge bone up his ass, then!

Voice: Hi Kyle.
Kyle: (hops back) Aaaah!
Cartman: (who's providing the voice) Have you been a good boy, Kyle? Have you been making Grandma proud?
Kyle: Dammit Cartman! That's not funny!
Stan: (chuckling) Eh, eh! Yes it is.
Cartman: Heh heh, I'm sweet.
Kyle: Alright, alright, let's get this over with so we can put her back.
Stan: Okay, grab the sled.

Oh! Nibblet!

Korn

(The kids are plotting to scare the 5th graders with a dead body.)
Cartman: Then where the hell are we gonna get a dead body?
Stan: We're gonna dig up Kyle's dead gramma!
Kyle: Yeah fat ass, we're gonna dig upDIG UP KYLE'S DEAD GRAMMA?!

Sheila Brovflofski: Kyle and Ike, be safe, and Kenny, try to act Jewish.
Kenny: (muffled) How do you do that?

Jubilee Director: We have all gathered here tonight, from every chapter of Judiasm.
Elder #1: Elder Schwartz, orthodox chapter.
Elder #2: Elder Harris, reform chapter.
Elder #3: Elder Garth, anti-semitic chapter.
Jubilee Director: I've never heard of the anti- semitic chapter of Judiasm before.
Elder Garth: We're new.

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Skeeter: Hey Panda Bear! We don't take kindly to your types around here. Bartender: Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody. Skeeter: No! I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here. If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you only eat bamboo which is prone to grow in dryer, more arid regions?

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.