South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park

Randy: Here's Korn's van!
Lady in mob: Let's flip it over!
Officer Barbrady: Okay people, let's try to stay orderly. The best way to do this is to all get on one side and push from the top.

Cartman: Maybe we should shove a stick up her ass and use her as a puppet. Ooooooooh! Scaaarry Grraaanddmma!
Kyle: Alright Cartman, that does it! That's my Grandma, you show her some Goddamn respect!

Halloween is an abomination of God, a celebration of the occult!

Father Maxi

C'mon Ned, this isn't a whorehouse; it's a horROR house.

Uncle Jimbo

Mr. Garrison: Nothing ever went wrong in this town before that evil Korn band showed up.
Sharon Marsh: Well I say we go find them and kick their devil-worshipping butts out of town!

(Guys from graveyard at town meeting.)
Guy #1: We're here to inform you that someone has been stealing bodies from the local graveyard, most likely to have sex with them. Here's what having sex with a dead body might look like. (guy #2 holds up a large card.)
Crowd: EWW!
Guy #1: And here's what having sex with a dead body might sound like. (Guy #2 proceeds to open a jar of mayonnaise and repeatedly ram his fist into it, causing a sick slurping sound)
Crowd: UGH!
Person in crowd: Excuse me, how is this helping?

Liane: Eric's not fat. He's just big boned.
Kyle: Well he must have a huge bone up his ass, then!

Voice: Hi Kyle.
Kyle: (hops back) Aaaah!
Cartman: (who's providing the voice) Have you been a good boy, Kyle? Have you been making Grandma proud?
Kyle: Dammit Cartman! That's not funny!
Stan: (chuckling) Eh, eh! Yes it is.
Cartman: Heh heh, I'm sweet.
Kyle: Alright, alright, let's get this over with so we can put her back.
Stan: Okay, grab the sled.

Oh! Nibblet!

Korn

(The kids are plotting to scare the 5th graders with a dead body.)
Cartman: Then where the hell are we gonna get a dead body?
Stan: We're gonna dig up Kyle's dead gramma!
Kyle: Yeah fat ass, we're gonna dig upDIG UP KYLE'S DEAD GRAMMA?!

Sheila Brovflofski: Kyle and Ike, be safe, and Kenny, try to act Jewish.
Kenny: (muffled) How do you do that?

Jubilee Director: We have all gathered here tonight, from every chapter of Judiasm.
Elder #1: Elder Schwartz, orthodox chapter.
Elder #2: Elder Harris, reform chapter.
Elder #3: Elder Garth, anti-semitic chapter.
Jubilee Director: I've never heard of the anti- semitic chapter of Judiasm before.
Elder Garth: We're new.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 284 in total

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

Stan: All we ever heard growing up was "save the rainforest. The rainforest is fragile."
Kyle: Yeah. Fragile, my ass!

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