South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Actor: (singing) Why not use a trick we actors use, cover your eyes and ears to see what it would be like to be blind and deaf. See what plays inside your mind.
(Cartman does so and it is followed by a montage of horrific scenes, the holocaust, someone on fire, grizzly operations, a dead rat being eaten by another rat, etc.)
Cartman: (takes off blindfold and ear muffs) WHOA!
Actor: Anything useful?
Cartman: No, just the stuff i usually see when I close my eyes.

Mr. Mackey: Every year the fourth graders do "The Miracle Worker", and every year we have to sit and watch it.
Principal Victoria: Yeah, I swore that if I had to see it one more time I'd put a bullet in my head. But luckily, I got really stoned before I came.

I can't dude, Timmy has a boner for it.

</i> Cartman

Mr. Garrison: (Looks outside the classroom window) What the hell is that? Oh my God! What is that thing?! Children, there's some huge, bulbous monstrosity heading for the classroom! Oh my God, it's awful! It's coming for the door!
(Rosie o'Donnell enters the room)
Rosie O'Donnell: Hello, kids!

Stan: Kyle saved your life! The least you could do is thank him!
Cartman: Alright, alright......Kyle......(opens mouth. episode ends)

Bill Cosby: Well that does it! (takes out laser gun)
Kyle: Hey! What are you doing!
Bill Cosby: I'm afraid i have no other choice! I have to kill him!
Kyle: Oh! Ok.
Stan: That's fine. No wait!
Bill Cosby: What?
Stan: Can I do it?
Bill Cosby: Oh, I suppose... (give gun to Stan)
Stan: Sweet! Kiss your ass goodbye fat boy!

Mr. Garrison: You can't have an election with just one person running, what's the fun in that? Ike, how about you? You're a genius.
(Ike looks at the others glaring at him)
Ike: No.
Mr. Garrison: Okay, our next nominee is Ike the Genius.

(Kyle sneaks into the Cartman-Trapper Keeper monster to shut it down)
Cartman: (Sounding like HAL from 2001) What are you doing, Kyle?
Kyle: I have to shut down your CPU!
Cartman: (Like HAL) I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kyle.
Kyle: Well, screw you, fat ass!
Cartman: (normal voice) Screw you!

Filmore: If I'm elected class president, I will call for better chairs. And, on Fridays, I'll add two minutes to nap time.
Garrison: Very enthralling. Ok, Ike. How about you?
Ike: Cookie Monster! Ice.

Cop: Oh my God, now there's two!
Stan: No, I think the other one is Rosie O'Donnell.

(singing) I don't want to wait, for my trapper keeper to be over!

Cartman

Dammit! I thought 4th grade was going to be different.

Kyle
Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 285 in total

South Park Season 4 Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

Kyle: But you know, I've learned something today. You see, the basis of all reasoning is the mind's awareness of itself. What we think, the external objects we perceive, are all like actors that come on and off stage. But our consciousness, the stage itself, is always present to us.
Cartman: Tits.