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Actor: (singing) Why not use a trick we actors use, cover your eyes and ears to see what it would be like to be blind and deaf. See what plays inside your mind.
(Cartman does so and it is followed by a montage of horrific scenes, the holocaust, someone on fire, grizzly operations, a dead rat being eaten by another rat, etc.)
Cartman: (takes off blindfold and ear muffs) WHOA!
Actor: Anything useful?
Cartman: No, just the stuff i usually see when I close my eyes.
- Permalink: Why not use a trick we actors use, cover your eyes and ears to s...
Mr. Mackey: Every year the fourth graders do "The Miracle Worker", and every year we have to sit and watch it.
Principal Victoria: Yeah, I swore that if I had to see it one more time I'd put a bullet in my head. But luckily, I got really stoned before I came.
- Permalink: Every year the fourth graders do The Miracle Worker, and every y...
I can't dude, Timmy has a boner for it.</i> Cartman
- Permalink: I can't dude, Timmy has a boner for it.
Mr. Garrison: (Looks outside the classroom window) What the hell is that? Oh my God! What is that thing?! Children, there's some huge, bulbous monstrosity heading for the classroom! Oh my God, it's awful! It's coming for the door!
(Rosie o'Donnell enters the room)
Rosie O'Donnell: Hello, kids!
- Permalink: What the hell is that? Oh my God! What is that thing?! Children,...
Stan: Kyle saved your life! The least you could do is thank him!
Cartman: Alright, alright......Kyle......(opens mouth. episode ends)
- Permalink: Kyle saved your life! The least you could do is thank him! Alr...
Bill Cosby: Well that does it! (takes out laser gun)
Kyle: Hey! What are you doing!
Bill Cosby: I'm afraid i have no other choice! I have to kill him!
Kyle: Oh! Ok.
Stan: That's fine. No wait!
Bill Cosby: What?
Stan: Can I do it?
Bill Cosby: Oh, I suppose... (give gun to Stan)
Stan: Sweet! Kiss your ass goodbye fat boy!
- Permalink: Well that does it! Hey! What are you doing! I'm afraid i ha...
Mr. Garrison: You can't have an election with just one person running, what's the fun in that? Ike, how about you? You're a genius.
(Ike looks at the others glaring at him)
Mr. Garrison: Okay, our next nominee is Ike the Genius.
- Permalink: You can't have an election with just one person running, what's ...
(Kyle sneaks into the Cartman-Trapper Keeper monster to shut it down)
Cartman: (Sounding like HAL from 2001) What are you doing, Kyle?
Kyle: I have to shut down your CPU!
Cartman: (Like HAL) I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kyle.
Kyle: Well, screw you, fat ass!
Cartman: (normal voice) Screw you!
- Permalink: What are you doing, Kyle? I have to shut down your CPU! I'm...
Filmore: If I'm elected class president, I will call for better chairs. And, on Fridays, I'll add two minutes to nap time.
Garrison: Very enthralling. Ok, Ike. How about you?
Ike: Cookie Monster! Ice.
- Permalink: If I'm elected class president, I will call for better chairs. A...
Cop: Oh my God, now there's two!
Stan: No, I think the other one is Rosie O'Donnell.
- Permalink: Oh my God, now there's two! No, I think the other one is Rosie...
(singing) I don't want to wait, for my trapper keeper to be over!Cartman
- Permalink: I don't want to wait, for my trapper keeper to be over!
Dammit! I thought 4th grade was going to be different.Kyle
- Permalink: Dammit! I thought 4th grade was going to be different.