South Park

South Park Season 5 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 5 Episode 5: "Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow"

Stan: We snuck into that woman's spandex to get in here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: But we promised the Earth Day people you'd perform!
Terrance: Well in that case, I'd say you four boys are up fart-creek without a paddle.
 • Rating: Unrated

(While the boys are at the play in Toronto)
Stan: Jesus tap-dancing Christ, is this thing ever gonna end!?!
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Cartman: Oh boy Kyle, you just made a huge withdraw at the First Bank of Lies.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Full lyrics to the song Terrance and Phillip sing, as used on the closing credits:
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
clapping sound
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Got a little left, chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

(The birth of Terrance and Phillip's famous act)
Narrator: At the tender age of six, Terrance and Phillip were off to the United States to perform on the Ed Sullivan Show, where American audiences would be exposed to Canadians for the first time.
Ed Sullivan: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have two adorable little boys from Canada. Please put your hands together for the music of young Terrance and Phillip.
Terrance and Phillip: Beef and lamb, chicken and ham, step to the left and clap your hands. Gosh we love that chicken and ham. Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
(Clapping sound)
Woman in audience: Oh my God! What's wrong with their heads?!
Man in audience: It's alright, darling. They're just Canadian.
Woman in audience: Oh.
Terrance and Phillip: Beef and lamb, chicken and ham, step to the left and clap your hands. Got a little left, chicken and ham. Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
(The audience barely applauds)
Narrator: The Canadian act confused American audiences. But then something happened that would change Terrance and Phillip's act forever.
(Phillip farts, which causes Ed and the audience to laugh and applaud loudly.)
(Terrance also farts, which causes the audience to laugh even louder.)
Narrator: It was the birth of Canadian comedy.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Terrance: You know, we've learned something today. When you've been through a lot with someone, you can't let trite things come between you.
Phillip: That's right, Terrance. You should only let trite things come between your ass cheeks. (they both fart and laugh)
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 4: "Scott Tenorman Must Die"

Cartman: I made you eat your parents! I made you eat your parents!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kyle: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.
Stan: Good call.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

(After licking Scott's tears off the table)
Cartman: Ohhh, the tears of unfathomable sadness, mmm, yummy yummy you guys!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: They may take our pride, but THEY MAY NEVER TAKE MY GODDAMN $16.12!!!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Stan: Cartman, you are so goddamn stupid it is unbelievable.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Movie Theater Guy: That'll be six dollars.
Cartman: Okay and how much is that in pubes?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: Well, son, I think you've got a pretty stupid plan there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: Eric! Are you training that pony to please you?!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: (eating chili) Hey, this is great!
Scott: Eh, it's a special recipe.
Cartman: Yeah, this is really good, Scott!
Scott: I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you
Cartman: What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili?
Scott: (surprised) W-What??
Cartman: Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott. I switched it with Chef's.
(Chef looks surprised at what Cartman says.)
Cartman: It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap. I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your wiener. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a drunken redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. I also know that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your wiener bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents.
(In the flashback, Scott's parents get shot at.)
Mr. Denkins: (after flashback) Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I have my rights.
Scott: My mom and dad are dead??
Cartman: (continues) I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins giving his report to Officer Barbrady; and of course, to steal the bodies. After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could tell you personally about your parents' demise! And of course, feed you my chili. Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili."
Scott: Oh, my god! (pulls out a finger from the chili) OH, MY GOD!!! (throws up violently)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: (singing) Nyahnyahnyahnyahnyahnyah! I made you eat your parents! Nyahnyahnyahnyahnyahnyah! Nyahnyahnyahnyahnyahnyah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jimbo: What's a 'Radiohead?'
Cartman: You know, that band that sings that song (sings) 'Well, I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo...'
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Don't be jealous guys! This doesn't mean we can't still hang out. It just means I've matured faster than you. You'll get your pubes guys, someday.
Kyle: Cartman you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself!
Cartman: What?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Excuse me sir, could you please point me in the direction of the pube fair?
Man: The pube fair? There's no such thing, you little smart ass.
 • Rating: Unrated

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