South Park Season 5 Quotes
Stan: I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again.
Cartman: Dumbass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours. It doesn't work if you beat off the dog again right away.
- Permalink: I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again. Dumbass, you can ...
Sharon: Stanley, what the hell are you doing?
Stan: I'm beating off the dog.
- Permalink: Stanley, what the hell are you doing? I'm beating off the do...
[Mr. Mackey doesn't know about sex]
Stan: Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?
Mr. Mackey: Well, sure I have! It's just I was about 19 at the time, so it's been about 21 years, m'kay. Let's see, uh, I'm pretty sure I took the -. Yeah I took the penis, and I but what the hell did I do with that damned thing?
- Permalink: Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey? Well, su...
You think that sex is about fun and games and love? Wrong! Sex is about disease!Ms. Choksondik
- Permalink: You think that sex is about fun and games and love? Wrong! Sex i...
Chef: Hello there, children.
Boys: Hey, Chef.
Chef: How is sexual-education class coming?
Stan: It's dumb. Mister Mackey isn't teaching us anything.
Chef: Yeah, I don't think ol' Mackey knows a hymen from a hysterectomy. And Ms. Choksondik? I'd be surprised she's ever been laid in her life.
Kyle: Yeah. Chef, what's "laid"?
Chef: Oh, nothing. Now move along, children, you're holding up the line.
- Permalink: Hello there, children. Hey, Chef. How is sexual-education cl...
Butters, will you stop filibustering?Cartman
- Permalink: Butters, will you stop filibustering?
Filmore: Can we do fingerpaint?
Mr. Garrison: No, we can't do fingerpaint! You kids wanna get herpes? Huh? How about a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good?
- Permalink: Can we do fingerpaint? No, we can't do fingerpaint! You kids...
Alright girls. Yesterday we went over the myriad of diseases you can get from boys, but today we're going to talk about the most horrible they can give you of all. Pregnancy!Ms. Choksondik
- Permalink: Alright girls. Yesterday we went over the myriad of diseases you...
Stan: But Chef, when IS the right time for us to start having sex?
Chef: It's very simple, children; The right time to start having sex isseventeen.
Sheila: So, you mean seventeen as long as you're in love?
Chef: Nope, just seventeen.
Gerald: But what if you're not ready at seventeen?
Chef: Seventeen. You're ready.
- Permalink: But Chef, when IS the right time for us to start having sex? I...
Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.
- Permalink: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have...
(Stan & Kyle torture a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez!
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make albums or movies.
Stan: That's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
(uses magnifying glass to burn the doll)
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Oh God it burns! It burns!
Stan: Scream for me, bitch!
- Permalink: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez! No, no, please! This time ...
Yeah, why just this afternoon our son was caught beating off our dog.Mr. McCormick
- Permalink: Yeah, why just this afternoon our son was caught beating off our...