South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Kyle: Dude! They're gonna say "shit" on television??
Stan: You can't say "shit" on television!
Cartman: It was just on the news! People are freaking out, dude.
Stan: Holy ****ing shit!

Cartman: You guys! You guys! Oh my god! Oh my god, you guys!
Kyle: What, doughboy?
Cartman: I was... (catches breath) I was just watching the TV and they had this commercial.
Stan: So?
Cartman: So... Guess what they're gonna say tonight on that show "Cop Drama"?
Kyle: What?
Cartman: No, c'mon, guess! They're gonna say something that's never been said on television!
Stan: What?
Cartman: Guess.
Kyle: Goddamit, Cartman! What are they gonna say on "Cop Drama"?
Cartman: Okay, you ready? Tonight...on "Cop Drama"...on TV,...they're gonna say... (looks to the left and right) "shit".

Stan: I can't belive they actually said it...
Cartman: Dude, you missed it, Kyle! It was so awesome!
Kyle: (sarcastically) Well, I hope it lived up to all the hype. You must feel so much better now.
Cartman: Kyle, you've got to get that sand out of your vagina; it's making you cranky. Does it itch?
Kyle: Do you really think anything's gonna be any different now? Do you really think that this will have the tiniest smallest effect on the world? It's still the same old world out there. Look! (opens door and the boys see frogs falling from the sky)
Kyle: What the hell...?
Cartman: Whoa, dude. It's raining frogs...
Kyle: (walks away) Oh, whatever!

MustpaintcleanpaintpaintmustkillButtersclean.

Linda

Chorus: Everyone know it's Butters!
Butters: Well that's me!

Too bad you're not a broad because I need some goddamn poontang.

Trucker

Chris: Sometimes telling a little white lie is okay. Like when you catch your dad jacking off in a gay men's bathhouse.
Butters: Who's Jack?

One of us, one of us gooble gobble, gooble gobble.

The Ramseys, OJ, and Gary Condit

Linda: Well, did you see what he got me for our anniversary?
Butters: Well first, he went to see a movie.
Linda: A movie? Hmm, I wonder why he'd wanna see a movie by himself.
Butters: I don't know. But it wasn't the movie theater at the mall. No, it was that, really old theater downtown. The Studcat. I didn't know it was open.
Linda: Wait a minute. What was the movie called?
Butters: Fisting Firemen 9. I've never seen 1 through 8.
Linda: Oh my God!
Butters: Uh, but it must have been a real short movie, though, because Dad came out, like, ten minutes later. And it must have been a sad film, too, because, he had a bunch of tissue paper with him when he came out. Poor old Dad, the movie really got to him.
Linda: Butters, where did Daddy go after the movie?
Butters: To the gym.
Linda Stotch: To the gym.
Butters: Yeah. The White Swallow Spa. (Linda screams) Yep. He went in there and wrestled with all kinds of guys. He wasn't too good, though. This one black guy had him pinned down for fifteen minutes straight!
Linda: Butters! Are you sure about this, you have to be absolutely sure.
Butters: Inspector Butters gets all the facts. I even got some neat-o pictures. (Linda looks at the pictures) The only thing I can't figure out is why dad told you he was going shopping for your present, when he was going out seeing movies and wrestling. (Linda collapses) Oh did you have a nice trip mom? See you next fall! (laughs) Mom?

Butters was missing?

Stan

(After being thrown out by the truck driver) He must like TGI Fridays.

Butters

Stan: Wow, your dad's a perv and your mom tried to kill you.
Butters: Yeah, you guys sure are gonna rip on me at school.
Cartman: We sure are.
Butters: Yeah, but as soon as we get to Bennigan's and I get my mozzarella burger I'll forget all about my dad being queer and my mom trying to kill me.
Stan: Really?
Butters: No, I'm lying.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 253 in total

South Park Season 5 Quotes


Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
clapping sound
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Got a little left, chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.

<i>Full lyrics to the song Terrance and Phillip sing, as used on the closing credits

Well, you know what I say about kids, they're all pink on the inside.

Mr. Grazier